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My friend JD Vance has never cuddled a couch.

It’s not true, folks. The lying liberal media wants you to think he’d shag a settee. That he’d bone a book stand. That he’s creamied on the credenza.

Don’t trust them. My beautiful boy JD, he’d never do it! He’s chaste with the chaises. He’s never loved a loveseat.

My VP would never fuck furniture.

Track_Shovel ,

https://slrpnk.net/api/v3/image_proxy?url=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic.wikia.nocookie.net%2Fbigmouth%2Fimages%2F6%2F68%2FPillow_Talk.png%2Frevision%2Flatest%2Fscale-to-width-down%2F1200%3Fcb%3D20191101044323

Anyolduser ,

The real joke is that there’s no IKEA in Cleveland. 30 Rock made a joke about it and everything.

Hikermick ,

What’s his stance on shooting puppies?

ICastFist ,

Never to completion, eh? Looks like we found someone who loves being on the edge

LodeMike ,

Is this a real image? Please tell me it’s a real thing the campaign released this is fucking halarious.

Edit: aww satire :(

CosmicTurtle0 ,

It’s crazy and sad how we can’t tell the difference anymore, isn’t it.

son_named_bort ,

Well, I didn’t think he had sex with Jell-O, but this letter is making me questioning it.

vxx ,

Gen-Z had entered the contest it seems.

N0body ,

LBJ: Let’s spread a rumor that he’s a pigfucker.

Aide: But he never fucked a pig…

LBJ: I know. I just want to hear him deny it.

toasteecup ,

Vance has fucked a couch

modifier ,

Their silence on the geese claims speaks volumes, however.

GBU_28 ,

Certainly not silence from the goosen consortium

stringere ,

The lambs are eerily quiet on this as well.

solsangraal ,

LOL whatever you say. couchfucker.

FartsWithAnAccent ,
@FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io avatar

You know what? It's 2024, I don't really care if you fuck couches.

There, I said it.

marcos ,

That.

I care really a lot if you accuse somebody of being Hitler and then go work for him. But fuck anybody caring about fucking couches.

GBU_28 ,

First it’s just the couch.

Then it’s the couch with your wife on it.

Then it’s your wife.

This is a documented progression of predatory behavior

Schorsch ,

You didn’t think about the couch, do you? Animal.

entropicshart ,

Lenny needs some flair or global politics filter

Ioughttamow ,

Gives a new meaning to loveseat

JoMiran ,
@JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

…to completion…

Interesting specificity.

Is this satire? It is really hard to tell in this reality.

dmMeYourNudes ,

Sadly I’m only 80% sure it’s satire

ReallyActuallyFrankenstein ,

It’s fake, Mountain Dew isn’t mentioned once.

Fuck_u_spez_ ,

Even for him, that was such a weird comment. Do we have his financial disclosures yet? I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that he owns PepsiCo stock.

ReallyActuallyFrankenstein ,

I would actually be surprised if he releases anything of value. Trump refused to release his taxes, and emulating Trump’s destruction of democratic norms is a base-ante show of fealty right now.

dditty ,

Sadly it is satire

www.snopes.com/…/jd-vance-couch-cushions/

unexposedhazard ,

Well yeah but is the above response also satire or a real denial of the satire being true?

jballs ,
@jballs@sh.itjust.works avatar

Damn Snopes could’ve just said it was False, but they went above and beyond by linking all the spiciest memes. Including this one: x.com/MeachamDr/status/1815389845897789815

crusa187 ,

This stood out to me as well, and I too find myself potentially eating the onion on this one.

What a time to be alive!

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