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Can I be picked up from my mom's house as a date since I am an adult?

So she’s kind of been reluctant in people knowing where she lives. And from my understanding you can just leave if you want but when it comes to her house. And since yeah it’s her house I do wonder where the boundary lays. So I am an adult yes and my mom is out right now with my sister taking care of me and staying around the house which has me worried but she said she would be back either Sunday or Monday and I’m planning on taking my chances Sunday. But seriously what is the rules as it comes down to there are cameras my sister has access to so I think she might see me leaving anyway and question me on this. So what exactly are my rights as an adult? Can someone pick me up in the driveway and we just leave together and then come back home? I do think even if I leave and come back home that can show some form of trust and then I can eventually tell my mom what I did when she gets back home. I even hope I can use my recent birthday as an excuse to start dating. But the main point I want to bring up is if I can tell someone where I live and have them pick me up outside the house?

Vanth ,
@Vanth@reddthat.com avatar

Do you ever leave the house? Like to go to work or the library or to hang out with friends? Just leave as if you’re doing one of those things, and then meet your date somewhere.

If you never leave the house, that is something you might consider addressing before you start dating. There can be lots of reasons to leave the house that don’t involve an unwitting stranger getting pulled into your rather unique family situation.

apotheotic ,

Others have already addressed the main points of your post, but I would just like to add:

Please be very certain that the person you are giving your address to is someone you can trust. Do you already know them in real life, or did you meet them online?

turnerpike20 OP ,

Online

turnerpike20 OP ,

Through Facebook dating.

apotheotic ,

Please be very careful. You should try to meet in a public location, don’t let them convince you to go to some less public place. Once you have established that they are who they say they are and that they are trustworthy, you can consider changing that up. But please do make your first meeting in a public place like a coffee shop or a restaurant.

TheBigBrother ,

If it’s your house and you pay the bills you can make the rules, if isn’t your house and you pay no bills you will have to follow the rules, it doesn’t matter how much old are you actually.

KingJalopy ,

User name checks out here

turnerpike20 OP ,

What does that mean?

Wrufieotnak ,

The user name of the parent comment is “TheBigBrother”. Big Brother is also the name of the totalitarian regime in the dystopian book Nineteen Eighty-Four from George Orwell. The other commentator referenced the Big Brother in 1984 to the comment of the parent comment thereby implying, that the original comment with the “my house, my rules” is too totalitarian or strict.

turnerpike20 OP ,

I’ve become 25.

Blizzard ,

I think there is some context here you didn’t mention. If you’re 25, why is your sister taking care of you?

Jimmycrackcrack , (edited )

You’re probably going to have to have a chat with your mum about this because if there’s not a good specific reason for her concern, then it would be helpful to you if she could relax on this issue because it’s impinging on your ability to enjoy your life as an adult. She should care about that and if she doesn’t that tells you something. Ideally you could avoid the whole issue by meeting your date somewhere other than your house, although it will be awkward if you are unable to return home with them at any stage. Can your sister or any of your friends give you a ride to meet your date elsewhere?

A point of confusion I have from your post is whether you’re asking about your rights to date people, or just your rights to have them pick you up from the house. As far as dating people is concerned, you say you’re 25, you can do what you want neither your Mum nor your sister have any choice about it. You do not have to justify this or use your recent birthday as an excuse for anything because there’s nothing to excuse. Whether you want to date people is up to you and you alone.

If your Mum specifically requested that you not bring your date to the house it would be rude to just ignore her, particularly if she has some special reason to be extra careful, but it’s also a very strange request for her to make of her 25 year old adult-child so you’ll definitely need her to give a pretty good explanation why you shouldn’t do this. Similarly, it’s a very strange situation to be in that you’re worried about your sister watching camera footage of you as some kind of evidence of wrong doing, why is she in a position to do that and why would she want to? How old is she? Such behaviour is bizarre and controlling.

A lot of the details of your post sound like you’ve been living in strange and possibly abusive circumstances where your mother and sister are putting a lot of effort in to monitoring and controlling you, which they do not any rights to do. In most places I know of, a person is legally an “adult” at 18 years of age, how long have they been doing this to you? Were you allowed friends and relationship in school? What about afterwards at work or university?

Do you want to continue living with your mother? It might be a good idea to start gaining some more independence in your life so you can safely choose to live in a different arrangement if you want to. No offence, but the way you write does sound strangely young and naive for a 25 year old, especially the idea that you need to have either your mother or your sister around to look after you. Do you have friends that know about your living arrangements? Do you know many people outside of your house? If you tried to make friends and spend time with them, is that something your mother would try to stop you doing? It sounds like you’re very isolated and your Mum is keeping it that way on purpose. Unless there’s some very specific context that can explain all these details, then it sounds like there’s something very wrong about how your family is treating you.

brainw0rms ,
@brainw0rms@hexbear.net avatar

“Hey sister I’m going out for a bit will be back by 11”

“Ok”

Like no offense, but you should probably figure out how to communicate with your family before you attempt dating lol

turnerpike20 OP ,

Oh trust me I have tried. My mom tends not to believe that I can find anyone but right now she’s gone for an entire month.

Blizzard ,

You don’t sound like an adult.

abekonge ,

Are you being held prisoner by your family? Why is your sister taking care of you? Why is she watching you with cameras?

There might be a lot of context that explains these things. But just reading your post it sounds like you need counsel or professional help. Take care.

turnerpike20 OP ,

The cameras are on the outside and will send a notification if movement is detected.

Palacegalleryratio ,

How old are you? You’re an adult, but your sister is taking care of you, and you’re worried about your mum finding out you’ve been on a date? What?

What is this? There is some information missing here to make it make sense. Are you part of a restrictive cult? Are you actually 15yo? There must be something else going on here!

turnerpike20 OP ,

My mom is on rehab after an owi so she’s out for a month. I don’t drive so I have no ability to go out my sister is basically here to make sure the house is okay and I have the things I need.

doingthestuff ,

I’m guessing you don’t have a car. Is there somewhere nearby you could walk to or bicycle to, for someone to meet you and pick you up? Then you would only be on camera leaving the house, not breaking any house rules. This isn’t about law, this is about your relationship with your mother. You can do what you want, but different actions may have different results in your family dynamics.

takeda ,

So first of all, your mom is reluctant in letting others know where she lives. It has nothing to do with rights but with decency and respecting her wishes.

As when it comes to your rights, actually you have very little as an adult. Technically now your mom could say that you have to move out and if she did that you would be on your own even if that would mean being homeless.

Since you are so eager to go on a date, asking about your rights wrt your mom I think you likely don’t understand why your mom is concerned and sound like an easy prey to someone that can just use you and you will deeply regret shortly after.

Why not meet someone in normal circumstances (like school, work etc) instead dating strangers?

Remember that having additional privileges is a small part of being adult, much bigger are responsibilities that you get and consequences of bad decisions that you make.

Don’t start your adult life with something you might regret.

It’s funny that kids wish they were adults while adults wish they were kids again.

TWeaK ,

This is wrong. Because OP is now an adult they are legally a tenant and thus OP’s mom would have to formally evict OP.

doingthestuff ,

Not true in a lot of places.

desentizised ,

Found the sister.

TWeaK ,

If you’re an adult then legally you’re a tenant, and you have all the rights of a tenant living with a landlord. Given that you almost certainly don’t have a written contract, there aren’t really any additional terms she can impose that go beyond a standard tenancy agreement.

To be clear, most jurisdictions treat a tenant living with a landlord slightly different to a tenant living privately in a separate property. So if you want to look up your rights for where you live you need to make sure it’s for that kind of cohabiting situation.

However, your mom can’t just kick you out, legally. She has to formally evict you using the same process any other landlord would evict their tenant. If she did kick you out or change the locks, you would be within your rights to call the police and have them mediate to grant access to your home.

As a tenant, you are allowed to have guests over. Not just waiting outside or on the driveway to pick you up, but inside and maybe even occasional overnight stays. Although again this may be where living with the landlord makes it slightly different.

All of this is underscored by the non-legal parts - your relationship with your mother and your continued tenancy. She can evict you, and if you fall out then she may well do that. Just because the law is on your side doesn’t necessarily mean your mom will want or have to maintain a relationship with you. A balanced position might be to assert your rights while trying not to be a dick about it and offering a fair compromise with your mom. I would say meeting your boyfriend in your driveway is a reasonable compromise, however she might not see it that way.

doingthestuff ,

A lot of places don’t work like you’re describing.

Crackhappy ,
@Crackhappy@lemmy.world avatar

Is there some sort of overriding reason that your mom has chosen to obscure her address? If not, then no, there is no reason to accede to these ridiculous demands.

doingthestuff ,

The reason is her mom could kick her out.

thefactremains ,

There’s no legal reason you can’t do whatever you want.

There’s also no legal reason for your mom and sister to let you keep living there.

The worst-case scenario is that your mother kicks you out of the house. Which, in my opinion, wouldn’t be a bad thing for you if they do this because they’re upset you went on a date.

You only live once

TWeaK ,

She can’t just kick OP out, OP is an adult and thus legally a tenant. If OP’s mom wants OP gone, she has to go through the formal eviction process and serve proper notice.

skeletorfw ,

Depending on where OP is, that’s not strictly true. If you are in a situation such as this, at least within the UK, you are not strictly entitled to the rights of a tenant if you do not pay rent nor do anything in lieu of rent.

Basically in the UK if you do not have a tenancy agreement, cohabitation agreement, or license to occupy, then it can start getting very complicated. If they were named as a property owner, or had a common understanding of financial interest in the property, they might be able to fight for a stake of the house, but that isn’t really the point here. In the end whether they can be kicked out legally is a complex issue (at least in the UK) and not really a question we could answer here.

velox_vulnus ,

I read the post thrice, and I’m still not sure what the fuck I’ve read.

PixTupy ,

This seems like something you all should be discussing in family therapy.

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