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nokturne213 ,

My wife.

Dadifer ,

You can date your wife

Qkall ,
@Qkall@lemmy.ml avatar

And should!

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Ehhh, I’m out of the dating world, so this is all past tense.

But I was the biggest hurdle, with the second biggest being my unwillingness to date assholes.

See, I’m big, which is not a huge hurdle since plenty of women (I’m hetero) like big guys. Power lifting rather than body building, so that cut availability down a little more. I’m also hairy as fuck all. Not necessarily to unusual levels, but definitely towards the high end of things.

Then, I have resting psycho face. When I’m just chilling I look slightly angry. When I’m deep in thought, I look like I’m plotting murder. This is as described by people that love me, so I inconsiderable imagine it’s more severe to others.

In other words, I don’t look approachable. And, in truth, I’m not always. I don’t like crowds, so if I’m at a bar or other casual meeting spot, I’m unlikely to be happy at unexpected contact. Even when that contact is from someone attractive to me, and ready to mingle, so to speak. So I don’t go to those kinds of places on my own impetus, which means pretty much all contact is unexpected.

Then, I would run into the expectations of the typical kind of person that wanted a hookup with sasquatch, which isn’t my preference to begin with.

So my dating was never a random thing where I’d just meet someone and ask them out or get asked out. It was always after some degree of comfort had been established.

So, my biggest hurdle was the need (on multiple levels) to gain enough interaction with someone for there to be a date to begin with.

Not that I lacked such opportunities. Despite being self contained, and introverted by the usual standards, I’m a friendly person and enjoy the company of people I like enough that I can meet new people via old contacts fairly often.

And my main job had me interacting with people other than my patients often enough that I would be able to establish some friendly contact that way too.

But it was a struggle to get past the initial contact and get to dating even then.

Strangely I did do plenty of dating. It just wasn’t an easy thing. Like 8/10 times, it would be someone asking a friend about me rather than anything direct. Knowing me, my friends would kinda screen things out so that the obvious incompatible folks didn’t get disappointed, and that meant the ones that they thought were good matches usually were.

The other 2/10 were usually from work related gatherings or hobby related gatherings.

It was really rare for me to meet and date someone without that kind of slow introduction

Fizz ,
@Fizz@lemmy.nz avatar

Probably meeting people. I’m not a very outgoing person and when I do go out my hobbies tend to be 100% males. I also don’t use social media or dating apps. I have friends and relationships and I have no idea how I got them.

Its annoying because I feel like I have no agency I can’t just go meet people when I want to. I have to live my life and trust that I will eventually meet someone which has held true so far.

SubArcticTundra ,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

It’s a numbers game. Go to events where you are temporarily exposed to manageably sized batches of new people. One-time workshops and volunteering are great for this.

CanadaPlus ,

Geographical isolation.

Pacattack57 ,

Finding things to say is the most difficult. I often get flustered and have nothing to say. Basically become brain dead in front of people in general not just women.

sunzu ,

My dick is too big, I make too much money but I am only 6 foot 2

RBWells ,

Biggest hurdle? My husband.

Joking! Really, I never dated when young, just hung out in groups, right? And there would be hookups and then eventually that leads to some relationships. So I never got the hang of the one-on-one dates.

Even after my big breakup with my ex, didn’t really date because while I intended to, my now husband had other ideas, he had been dating for some years and said he knew when we met what he wanted so it got serious pretty fast.

But as you say it’s hard to meet people - I understand that, I don’t know how young people find people if they aren’t running around in packs like we used to. That network of people who know you, and also know other people, and might introduce you if they think you’d like each other. Dating apps are more like job searching.

FireWire400 ,
@FireWire400@lemmy.world avatar

Not being completely turned off dating in general by past experiences…

wesker ,
@wesker@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

I have trouble wanting to invest all that energy to effectively reduce my own autonomy in the end.

solsangraal ,

this hits home.

psmgx ,

Face. After that maybe personality

kowcop ,

Honestly, social media… Facebook is just absolutely full of bullshit meme’s for every type of occasion, and clicking on a single one sends people down that rabbithole. Eg… Say a person has a breakup with a person who exhibits some narcissistic traits and then relates to a meme about it and clicks on it (or pause too long), next minute the feed is full of gender hating memes, groups and pages to feed that part of the brain, and I think it is incredibly unhealthy. It just seemed a lot easier to meet people before heads were filled with social media influence

scrubbles ,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

oh my god reddit was the worst with this. “Oh my god he had a beer after work? He’s an alcoholic, you can do so much better, DUMP HIM. RED FLAG GET OUT”

velox_vulnus ,

Poor, unemployed and depressed. Also because conservative society.

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