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In your career, have you found a drama free workplace?

alternative post title: how can I grow a thicker skin, so I simply stop caring what my coworkers think or say?

I’m still looking for a drama free workplace and I don’t understand why people seem to enjoy creating chaos out of nowhere

Working in several industries, I’ve met:

  • white Christian nationalist: too many Arabs and Mexicans in our country, somebody should send them all back to where they belong, and I’m very Christian. This was 5 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Why even tell this to a coworker?
  • Married woman complaining to me about how her husband isn’t so affectionate nowadays: 2 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Who does that? Shouldn’t you tell this to somebody you trust, like a friend and not a stranger you met 2 minutes ago?
  • An anti vaxxer trying to convert me to his cause, or however you want to call it.
  • And just today: ‘it’s good that Trump was shot’ Why would a sane person blurt that out in the middle of our pause for everyone to hear you? Why do you need to antagonize your coworkers? This was a manager btw.

I have waaaaay more examples, but I’ll keep it simple.

I just want to work and go home. Completely drama free. I don’t want to care what coworkers think, but apparently I’m very thin skinned and I’m easy to be triggered. Each of the examples I wrote triggered me: I wanted to yell ‘fck off, you piece of sht, I don’t give a f*ck what you think, leave me alone’, or something like that. But I need the job.

My conundrum: If this happens at every workplace, wouldn’t it make more sense to stay with the devil you know?

Unless, of course, you’ve job hopped till you found a drama free workplace… please tell me how you did it.

I want to be the old guy who doesn’t give a f*ck about stuff like this, yet it still triggers me.

sylver_dragon ,

alternative post title: how can I grow a thicker skin, so I simply stop caring what my coworkers think or say?

This is really the secret. Many years ago, I learned a wonderful phrase:
Fuck you and the camel that came on you.

Once you learn to adopt that attitude, whatever some idiot says becomes far less important to your life. There will only ever be one person in this world whom you can really control, and that’s you. For everyone else, you can either try to convince them of stuff or accept that they aren’t worth the effort and move on. The latter option tends to get used a lot more.

If you can, just avoid the shitty coworkers. You won’t always be able to; so, when you have to deal with them, just keep the conversations short, professional, to the point, and then excuse yourself. A simple, “sorry, I really need to get back to work” often works wonders. Also, keep work and personal lives separate. Learn to leave work at work, and that includes the people (unless you find someone who is actually worth making a personal friend of). Once you get home, stop thinking about Mr. Shitty McShitface and go do something you enjoy. Work to live, don’t live to work.

I would also recommend taking a hard look in a mirror. Sure, you might actually be surrounded by assholes, at the same time if you feel like exploding at people for every idiotic thing which dribbles out of their mouth, then you’re probably an asshole too. Stop trying to “fix” or control everyone around you and just accept that you can’t. Life gets far easier when you realize that they aren’t your problem. If you’re doing things right, you should be job hopping every few years anyway. Your pay will stagnate and fall behind if you don’t. So, in a couple years, those idiots won’t even be around you anymore.

So, how do you “grow a thicker skin”? It’s tough and takes practice. But, just keep putting in the effort to not give a fuck . Eventually, it becomes a reflex and you’ll find yourself with No More Fucks to Give.

best_username_ever ,

I’ve been working for almost 10 companies in 20 years, and I have only found 2 drama free workplaces so far. It’s random and I don’t think there are signs that could show you whether a job is good or bad.

Most HR people are happy when they hire you but it usually means nothing, sorry.

Last but not least, drama free could also mean “we’re gonna fire everybody in a few months,” which makes the choices more difficult to make.

vestmoria OP ,

do you have any advice for me, now that I’m applying and might work elsewhere? Is there anything I could ask during interviewing to indicate I loathe drama, people full of themselves talking politics or conspiracies or openly discussing how vaginas look like?

best_username_ever ,

Maybe try to detect or feel if the person in front of you is really a nice person or if he’s faking it.

The last HR guy I met was so nice to me and enthusiastic that it was really suspicious. I had met real psychopaths before and I was careful. But in the end, he really wanted to take care of the coworkers, and it took me one whole month to understand this.

30p87 ,

As a student: No. lol

StaySquared ,

Yes. This is going to get downvoted.

Women in the workplace, who have leadership roles are the problem. I turned down 2 jobs back to back when during the interview I had found out that I’d be reporting to a woman.

Not a fkin chance in hell am I dealing with that stress again. Now I’m in an org where my department is exclusively men and no women have any say on how to run our department. It’s glorious.

wuphysics87 ,

If all men are not the same, neither are all women

xilliah ,

Ugh, I know exactly what you mean! I hope to become better at simply being frank and setting boundaries. Seriously, I just met you and you tell me your mom just died? OK, that is terrible, of course, but what the actual fuck, I’d almost go so far as to call that borderline abusive.

Then the guy next to me at this one job I had. Complaining the whole day. Every day. And you know what? I think it’s my fault. I just let people like that use me as an emotional trashbin. If I were there now I’d definitely do something about it.

It’s incredibly hard to overcome that behavior. I can recommend martial arts, since it allows you to process these behaviors and related emotions physically. Sounds a bit silly but my god you know exactly where your thresholds are and not to hesitate to hold your stand and how you’re gonna do it.

You can’t get rid of that one toxic person. They’ll always be there in every group. The stoics wrote about it thousands of years ago, that it is our fate and we can only learn to handle it.

Dagwood222 ,

Ever heard the phrase “Life on life’s terms”?

Unless you’re willing and able to create your own company and control who you employ, you’re goign to be dealing with people.

stoy ,

I have been very lucky so far, and have had very little exposure to drama in general.

Shanedino ,

You could always just tell them to their face that you think them saying that makes you think they are racist, unfaithful, indoctrinated in misinformation, etc.or otherwise call out the behavior/comments as unacceptable in the workplace. Won’t necessarily make them reconsider their flawed ideals but can hopefully let them know that you don’t want to hear about it. I work remote now and that definetly cuts down on small talk in general. At a previous job some guy was deep in Christianity and was talking to me about how evolution just doesn’t make sense and God must be real because of it. I just brushed off and ignored comments like that because it wasn’t worth the hassle.

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