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In your career, have you found a drama free workplace?

alternative post title: how can I grow a thicker skin, so I simply stop caring what my coworkers think or say?

I’m still looking for a drama free workplace and I don’t understand why people seem to enjoy creating chaos out of nowhere

Working in several industries, I’ve met:

  • white Christian nationalist: too many Arabs and Mexicans in our country, somebody should send them all back to where they belong, and I’m very Christian. This was 5 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Why even tell this to a coworker?
  • Married woman complaining to me about how her husband isn’t so affectionate nowadays: 2 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Who does that? Shouldn’t you tell this to somebody you trust, like a friend and not a stranger you met 2 minutes ago?
  • An anti vaxxer trying to convert me to his cause, or however you want to call it.
  • And just today: ‘it’s good that Trump was shot’ Why would a sane person blurt that out in the middle of our pause for everyone to hear you? Why do you need to antagonize your coworkers? This was a manager btw.

I have waaaaay more examples, but I’ll keep it simple.

I just want to work and go home. Completely drama free. I don’t want to care what coworkers think, but apparently I’m very thin skinned and I’m easy to be triggered. Each of the examples I wrote triggered me: I wanted to yell ‘fck off, you piece of sht, I don’t give a f*ck what you think, leave me alone’, or something like that. But I need the job.

My conundrum: If this happens at every workplace, wouldn’t it make more sense to stay with the devil you know?

Unless, of course, you’ve job hopped till you found a drama free workplace… please tell me how you did it.

I want to be the old guy who doesn’t give a f*ck about stuff like this, yet it still triggers me.

best_username_ever ,

I’ve been working for almost 10 companies in 20 years, and I have only found 2 drama free workplaces so far. It’s random and I don’t think there are signs that could show you whether a job is good or bad.

Most HR people are happy when they hire you but it usually means nothing, sorry.

Last but not least, drama free could also mean “we’re gonna fire everybody in a few months,” which makes the choices more difficult to make.

vestmoria OP ,

do you have any advice for me, now that I’m applying and might work elsewhere? Is there anything I could ask during interviewing to indicate I loathe drama, people full of themselves talking politics or conspiracies or openly discussing how vaginas look like?

best_username_ever ,

Maybe try to detect or feel if the person in front of you is really a nice person or if he’s faking it.

The last HR guy I met was so nice to me and enthusiastic that it was really suspicious. I had met real psychopaths before and I was careful. But in the end, he really wanted to take care of the coworkers, and it took me one whole month to understand this.

That_Devil_Girl ,
@That_Devil_Girl@lemmy.ml avatar

Unfortunately this is everywhere. I work as a welder at a large shipyard, and we have the same drama.

We have a female welder who steals tools and personal items from others, then cries “Christian persecution” when she experiences any consequences for her actions. Shockingly, it works and she’s never punished or arrested. They do make her give the items back, so that’s something.

We have the MAGA crazies who vandalize company property with their dumb political / sexist / racist / homophobic crap. They just recently vandalized & destroyed one of the few female bathrooms with a sledgehammer. Shipyard police are still “*looking into it.” I now have to either use a gross porta-potty or walk a mile to use a real bathroom.

We have a ton of anti-vaxxers who believe some of the most batshit crazy things. Though, the more hard-core ones were fired some time ago. The ones who complied and wore a mask got to stay.

This is just human nature. This is what you get when you have two or more people together at one place.

Riffraffintheroom ,

For many people work is 100% of their social network besides their family. They have an unfulfilled basic need that gets bottled up and so gets expressed in unhealthy ways. My boss, who is the only one I hear weird shit like this from, has explicitly told me that he doesn’t have any friends and hasn’t for years. I feel sort of bad for him but then he says shit like gen z is beta and the feeling goes away.

xilliah ,

You should hang a flat earth poster or something just for the fun of it.

Shanedino ,

You could always just tell them to their face that you think them saying that makes you think they are racist, unfaithful, indoctrinated in misinformation, etc.or otherwise call out the behavior/comments as unacceptable in the workplace. Won’t necessarily make them reconsider their flawed ideals but can hopefully let them know that you don’t want to hear about it. I work remote now and that definetly cuts down on small talk in general. At a previous job some guy was deep in Christianity and was talking to me about how evolution just doesn’t make sense and God must be real because of it. I just brushed off and ignored comments like that because it wasn’t worth the hassle.

funkless_eck ,

generally people in the creative industries are nicer and drama free, but when they melt down they really melt down. I’ve worked on a few big movies, famous artist music videos - they’ve all been lovely. Worked for a small scale entertainment company, was a complete nightmare.

in the corpo world I have found very few people that are just chill, but I work with a lot of startups with VC funding - so likely a lot of pressure and billionaire bootlickers. Worked for a large TV shopping channel, old money, it was like a competition to see who could be the most bigoted; worked for a newly minted $50MM startup, everyone trying their hardest to be a cool rude dude who could out-cuss Gordon Ramsay.

I remain incredibly nice, thoughtful, understanding, professional, my LinkedIn is filled with positive recommendations.

ianovic69 ,
@ianovic69@feddit.uk avatar

People get comfortable, relax their boundaries and behave like children.

Kids who are well behaved outside of the home are just as naughty at home as any others. It’s because they feel safe, and for kids that’s ok.

Every work place has variations on the issues you describe, depending on the personalities of staff and how management deal with them.

In my experience, the places that have the least drama are where the management are most skilled at dealing with people. Which sounds obvious but there’s a great deal of management who don’t know how to get staff to work effectively, let alone get on with each other.

Even for non management, there’s a lot to discover about this stuff in the book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni.

aaaa , (edited )

Reading these comments I feel fortunate to work for a company where this is all uncommon.

There is arguably some drama when layoffs happen or when there are organizational changes, but it’s pretty tame.

All I can think of is I work for a large company in a relatively educated field (I’m a senior software developer for a technology company) in a very corporate environment. Most of my peers are just looking to be professional and foster a productive team dynamic, so they can keep a healthy balance between work and their families

WhatsHerBucket ,
@WhatsHerBucket@lemmy.world avatar

You are a lucky person! I also work in tech and have been in the industry for over 25 years. There is so much racism, sexism, and discrimination it’s unbelievable.

Sadly, it seems like it’s getting worse, not better.

ImplyingImplications ,

That’s not workplace drama, you’ve described interacting with people. It’s difficult to say if it’s always been like this but social media hasn’t helped. People are now used to expressing their beliefs and opinions to everybody, no matter how polarizing or unpopular they might be. It’s not limited to the workplace.

For not caring about what people think, just remember that nobody’s opinion matters. Your favourite colour is yellow? Cool. You don’t like Taylor Swift? Great. You think all atheists should be killed? Neat. Opinions are like points on Whose Line Is It Anyway. They’re made up and they don’t matter.

stoy ,

I have been very lucky so far, and have had very little exposure to drama in general.

Dagwood222 ,

Ever heard the phrase “Life on life’s terms”?

Unless you’re willing and able to create your own company and control who you employ, you’re goign to be dealing with people.

xilliah ,

Ugh, I know exactly what you mean! I hope to become better at simply being frank and setting boundaries. Seriously, I just met you and you tell me your mom just died? OK, that is terrible, of course, but what the actual fuck, I’d almost go so far as to call that borderline abusive.

Then the guy next to me at this one job I had. Complaining the whole day. Every day. And you know what? I think it’s my fault. I just let people like that use me as an emotional trashbin. If I were there now I’d definitely do something about it.

It’s incredibly hard to overcome that behavior. I can recommend martial arts, since it allows you to process these behaviors and related emotions physically. Sounds a bit silly but my god you know exactly where your thresholds are and not to hesitate to hold your stand and how you’re gonna do it.

You can’t get rid of that one toxic person. They’ll always be there in every group. The stoics wrote about it thousands of years ago, that it is our fate and we can only learn to handle it.

flamingo_pinyata ,

As someone said before it’s not directly a consequence of a workplace, it’s a part of interracting with a random selection of people from wildly different backgrounds.

Nod your head as if you weakly agree. Throw in a random opinion of your own, but I don’t recommend the extreme ones. Questions also work especially when they are seemingly neutral and cause doubt in the original speaker.

For example if a Christian nationalist starts hating on Mexicans don’t fall into the trap of repeating typical responses about respect for immigrants. Ask him how he reconciles that with the fact that Mexicans are predominantly Christians. Or something unexpected like that.

bobs_monkey ,

Like many others have said here, it simply is unavoidable. People are gonna people, and a number of them usually do it to illicit some reaction, whether it’s agreement which reinforces their nonsense, or ragebaiting that gives them a giggle and still reinforces their nonsense. Realistically the only thing you can do is ignore them and get on with your day.

I think the biggest thing to remember is that a lot of people have very little social interaction outside of their home lives and work. They spend their time either at home with family or even alone, loading their brains with whatever garbage they find on the Internet, and then spew it back into the world to see what sticks. In many people’s minds, you are simply the one in front of them at the moment when they want to spout off. It seems like you’re taking it personally, when in reality a lot of these yoyos are too shortsighted to even consider you as a person. You are an NPC to their main character.

What helps is remembering that usually none of what anyone says is personally targeted. And even if it is, what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Half the population has double digit IQs (not that that’s a great metric to go on, but still). Just keep doing your thing, stay focused on your work, and don’t let morons live rent free in your head. I know it may sounds difficult, but it really is as easy as just paying no mind to them.

sharkfucker420 ,
@sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml avatar

I was about to say yes but i forgot my boss threw a chair at another employee after a cocaine bender

CharlesReed , (edited )
@CharlesReed@kbin.run avatar

The only times I've ever had a drama free workplace was:

  1. At the beginning of my career when I was an intern. They didn't care enough about me to include me in the gossip, and I was only going to be there for a few months anyway.
  2. When my last job started letting us work from home, so I was no longer stuck at a desk in a high traffic area where multiple people would stop and chat. Headphones with a mic were a godsend, because when someone would start to approach, I'd just smile and point at the mic. Kept a lot of the gossipers at bay, though not all. WFH eliminated all that, I was so happy I could finally just focus on my work and not get caught up in situations that didn't even pertain to me.
AFKBRBChocolate ,

It’s the nature of people, but I think you’re going to find it in some jobs/industries more than others. I work for an aerospace company, and they regular tell people they shouldn’t be discussing things like politics and religion at work. We’re not allowed to wear shirts or put up things that are political or divisive. Stuff like that doesn’t eliminate the drama, but it helps. Also, engineers don’t tend to be overly dramatic types.

When I was young I roadied for a friend’s band, and so was hanging around a lot of musicians and artists, and the amount of drama was kind of insane.

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