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some_guy ,

No one has life figured out. Everyone has the same insecurities, fears, and doubts. Everyone is pretending to know what they’re doing at least part of the time.

Smoogs , (edited )

-Life is too short for bad coffee, bad wine, bad shoes and bad people.

-spend the required money in a good bed and a good chair. When it comes down to it later, it is not negotiable for your back.

-you will have to have a lawyer involved sometimes such as drafting up a will. It’s worth it. Also: do your will and sort out your stuff even if you haven’t been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

-clean like you’re moving house once a year. Cut down on the hoarding.

-‘no’ Is a complete sentence.

-sometimes acceptance of a situation is what it is is the only closure you’re ever going to get.

-acknowledge your stuff <—//—> other people’s stuff. Others might not work on their own stuff but they aren’t your job.

-resentment isn’t always something someone gives you nor is it the reality of the situation. Sometimes a person invites it along. Eg: assuming such things as someone being late to dinner is a personalized slight to your energy and time.

-try not to confuse misunderstanding with malice.

-remember the good ones. It’s so easy to just count the nasty people in your life and have them as your comparison for things. Spending your energy this way overlooks all the good people in your life and that’s not fair to them and the effort they put in with you.

Shimitar ,

Do not marry the first girl you fuck (or the first boy, either way, mixed ways too, anytype anyway).

Go live with him/her, share an apartment (do not buy together) for months, live together for some time.

Possibly, break up and meet more people, rinse and repeat until you understand:

  • what you WANT in the other person
  • what you EXPECT from the other person

And more important even, learn to understand the other person for what he/she is and not what you think he/she is.

SendMePhotos ,

My old boss once told me: “when you think you want to marry them… First live with them two years… And when you’re sure… Wait two more years.”

Smoogs ,

Until they leave you and find someone else who is ready to commit.

Sometimes if you expect the worst; you make the worst. Get out of your own way.

SamuraiBeandog ,
@SamuraiBeandog@lemmy.world avatar

If you’re in a good relationship but they leave because they couldn’t wait 4 years to get married, then you fucking dodged a bullet. Jesus fucking christ.

Smoogs ,

Someone willing to put up with your shit and commit to you is a bullet to be dodged? Mmmk…

SamuraiBeandog ,
@SamuraiBeandog@lemmy.world avatar

I was with my wife for 10 years before I proposed. We have the best relationship of anyone we know. I know plenty of people who married after a couple of years and are fucking miserable.

Smoogs ,

So you only count anecdotal evidence that ensures your paranoia about people and apply it to every situation. K.

SamuraiBeandog ,
@SamuraiBeandog@lemmy.world avatar

Paranoia wtf? I’ve formed my opinions from my life experiences, are you trying to tell me you’ve done peer reviewed research to decide what makes a good relationship?

Smoogs ,

Well you certainly don’t that applies for everyone. And for all I know you, you could be super negative, project the worst scenarios only and/or you could be the problem in all your relationships and this is the excuse you landed on for maintaining a delusion.

You could be lying about having a wife just so you can ‘win’ an argument online with a total stranger online.

Not a far reach considering your response here.

SamuraiBeandog ,
@SamuraiBeandog@lemmy.world avatar

lol do you always assume anyone who disagrees with you is acting in bad faith? Whst a convenient way to shield yourself from uncomfortable truths.

No wonder you’re desperate to lock someone into a relationship with you asap, you sound nuts.

Smoogs ,

Ditto. As far as bad faith; i nailed you.

SamuraiBeandog ,
@SamuraiBeandog@lemmy.world avatar

lol you’re the one who came in swinging with “for all I know!” “you could be lying!” as soon as I pressed you on a point. That’s the definition of a bad faith argument, you’re not acctually trying to engage with points of discussion you’re just trying to “win” the conversation.

cheers_queers ,

why do you see marriage as the only acceptable form of commitment? just curious. in my opinion it takes more commitment to stay without legal ties involved.

Smoogs ,

You talk about commitment but OP didn’t.

___ ,

Meh, sometimes you just know after seeing who’s out there. I wouldn’t recommend breaking off something good and risking not getting it back because of your insecurities.

Shimitar ,

Indeed, in fact, as soon as the above questions are satisfied, that’s when you stop.

xilliah ,

Understand how sun cream factors work and always wear it.

Get one good cooking knife and learn how to hone and sharpen it. You have to sharpen it often and almost immediately. Learn how to cut vegetables. Start with onions because they are cheap and versatile.

Keep a freewriting journal.

If you’re a guy take a moment to look into what women go through in their lives with guys. It’s not complicated or mysterious, it’s just that a significant portion of guys never heard about it. It’ll automatically make you a better man and you’ll have a better time too :)

brygphilomena ,

Almost no one knows how to do the job they are hired for. You’ll have a trainer at almost every job. Apply for things you don’t think you are qualified for. Most people figure it out as they go.

brygphilomena ,

If you are still in school, unless you are trying to get into a post graduate school, like law school or med school. Your grades are the least interesting thing about you. Cs get degrees.

Once you’re in the world. People care about experience and personality more than straight A’s or the deans list.

FireWire400 ,
@FireWire400@lemmy.world avatar

Don’t listen to those idiots who try to tell you that it all goes downhill once you’re 25. Just because you’re halfway to being 30 doesn’t mean your life is over.

I’m almost 27 and have never been happier.

ByteOnBikes ,

I spent my 20-25 almost homeless and working dead end jobs. I used to dumpster dive for food. I spent my late 20s working on myself (and cut out everybody who wasn’t interested in changing).

And In my 30s, my life is so much better.

Two2Tango ,

Stop drinking, you’ll save so much money and get ripped with barely any effort 💪💪

Swallowtail ,

Or at least don’t waste it all drinking… I spent so much of my early 20s drinking and playing video games with my friends. While I made some great memories, it was excessive and I could have done a lot more with my time.

bad_alloc ,

When faced with seemingly equivalent choices, pick the once that maximizes your future options.

intensely_human ,

Oof no, this is bad advice. I followed this advice and it’s resulted in me having no career to speak of.

In order to have a good life, one needs to sacrifice option A to commit to B, or vice-versa.

Trying to maximize future options is a recipe for regret.

0ops ,

Edit: I misread the comment chain. I’ll just leave mine though

Always picking the most rewarding next step is called a greedy algorithm, so mathematically it might be good but not usually optimal because you might be sacrificing long-term success for short-term gains. Somet

bad_alloc ,

How do you know which option to pick though, if both seem equivalent in the moment?

___ ,

Not always good advice.

An exclusive relationship, by definition, minimizes your future options but opens up a subset which are better for many/most people.

BEWARE ,

Get laid ASAP with the girl you like of course and consensually. Because later in your 30s you’ll be stuck in virginity limbo without escape. Don’t believe that bullshit of “love will come”.

makeasnek , (edited )
@makeasnek@lemmy.ml avatar

A. I wouldn’t because that implies by being around longer I know more or am more right about some things than young people. I’ve accumulated knowledge, but that doesn’t mean anybody should listen to what I have to say or that I’m wiser. There are certainly times that is true, but it’s also true that we have a lot to learn from them and we should listen to them.

B.

  • Health is your greatest wealth.
  • Love is the answer and all that matters. Be good to others
  • Stay humble
  • Stack sats
intensely_human ,

because that implies by being around longer I know more

But as you experience more you do know more

makeasnek , (edited )
@makeasnek@lemmy.ml avatar

But as you experience more you do know more

About some things. You also lose knowledge with time as well as mental acuity. The brain is a leaky memory storage device.

XTL ,

Age does not bring wisdom. Often it merely changes simple stupidity into arrogant conceit. It’s only advantage, so far as I have been able to see, is that it spans change. A young person sees the world as a still picture, immutable. An old person has had his nose rubbed in changes and more changes and still more changes so many times that that he knows it is a moving picture, forever changing. He may not like it–probably doesn’t; I don’t–but he knows it’s so, and knowing is the first step in coping with it.

Robert Heinlein

don ,

Leave home.

fubarx ,

Think where you would like to be when you’re thirty, then work backward to now and figure out what you need to do to get there.

Also, don’t be afraid to take chances.

intensely_human ,

More like think where you would like to be immediately, acknowledge that you won’t get it until you’re 30, then make this plan and go for it.

When I was in my 20s I considered 30 to be the end of my life. Trying to reason about where I wanted to be in my 30s just returned null.

0_0j , (edited )
@0_0j@lemmy.world avatar

That people don’t just pull tricks out their butt. (Unless you are in horgwats, of course)

Any maestro in their fields that you meet (be it BMX biker, stunt drivers, programmer, singer, painter, even a handy man) know that they dedicated 10+ hours daily in perfecting themselves in that domain.

The beauty of this is that anyone, even you, can be a maestro at what you love.

Just put in the work, the hours. Surround yourself with maestros in your field, for quick assists.

You will get there :)

Jackfinished ,

Relevant video: youtu.be/91FQKciKfHI?si=u1vdSvgJLG46bFM3

intensely_human ,

Practice trusting your gut. Practice it on small things.

One way to do a gut check is to imagine yourself making decision A, then imagine yourself making decision B, and for each pay attention to whether you feel stronger or weaker.

SamuraiBeandog ,
@SamuraiBeandog@lemmy.world avatar

This is terrible advice. Most people’s “gut” reactions are heavily based on external influences like peer group pressure, media influence and upbringing.

Practice critical thinking.

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