I often feel like the odd one out in this conversation because I feel like I’m the only person with no strong feelings one way or the other. Like I could be totally okay with never having kids, but also fine with having kids.
To be clear, I absolutely love my son and I’m glad I have him. But I also still feel like if I had decided not to have kids, I’d have been fine with it.
It’s a different framing now though, of “Do you want a kid”, in the hypothetical, vs. “Would you be ok if you didn’t have [Insert your kid’s name here].” I’d be devastated if my son were not in my life. But I think I’d have been fine if I chose not to have a kid.
“If you’re not sure, better take the safer bet and nonconsensually burden some newly created living beings with the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.”
I say this with the assumption that you are not a troll:
I personally think it’s great that you are childless because your shit attitude toward even the slightest push back illustrates your lack of patience and demonstrates how much of a shit parent you would be. If you can’t handle this, you can’t handle raising a child. That push back is orders of magnitude less than even a healthy three year old would give and that is so much less than a preteen/teenager. So with all dude respect (none), you fuck off.
I’d rather regret not having children than regret having children. I don’t want to risk giving a child that life. They’d deserve a parent who really wants them. I don’t think this is good advice.
I don’t want any more stress, and I don’t like kids anyway. Plus the idea of bringing someone else in this world… I want to die, why would I cause living to someone else?
And even if my views do change in the future, I’d rather go for adoption. Not only would I not create more life, but I could perhaps give someone a better chance.
I don’t really understand the appeal of your kids being blood-related anyway. What’s the point?
‘Steve and I were talking about children one time, and he said the problem with children is that they carry your heart with them. The exact phrase was, “It’s your heart running around outside your body.”’
Kids for me. They have improved my life more than anything else. Having the first two pushed me to go back to school and get a real job. I got more when my ex & I split and I married a guy with kids; we have a staggering number between us, most were teens or older when we got together and they are all close now, so they have a network of family to help and socialize with. The youngest is almost done with high school so we are in the final stretch of having them at home. The Thanksgiving feast here is insane, so many people, chaotic and fun.
Now - having said all that, I always knew I wanted kids, not necessarily to birth them but to raise them. Babies are adorable , little kids blistering cute, teenagers so much fun and occasionally helpful, and then they grow up and are actual people. It is work I find fulfilling and it helps the world to have educated, sensible, open-minded people. Most of my kids don’t want kids themselves and that’s fine! Everyone has their own life to live.
So for me, kids. For you, whatever you want, I don’t think it’s essential to become an adult and don’t think it’s the only way to get a family either.
I’m struggling with teenagers being enjoyable, both of mine were monsters. They are adults and doing well now, but I wouldn’t re-do the teenage years if you paid me. I’m glad your experience was much better.
I had two terrible toddlers, but once they were kids they were cool. Two who I guess will get a midlife crisis, because they never caused trouble as kids or teens. The rest I got when they were teens or older and while not all of them (bio or other) were academic superstars or high performing athletes or anything, they were all reasonable and interesting and diverse people by teenage years.
Kids for me. On my third one. It is hard at times and you sacrifice a lot of your time, and energy (money is less of an issue up to the second one I’d say, the real costs starts at three where you need to upgrade cars and shit) in order to be a good parent. But watching them grow up and be brilliant boys, is very rewarding. I am happy that I am providing them a good life so far, they are smart and devour knowledge, and they take on my interests kinda naturally so it’s fun teaching them things I enjoy.
In a few years we will be nerding out on Dota or PoE or whatever, anime, maybe I will DM an rpg for them and their cousins that live nearby. Start them up with python or so. Teach them Japanese, maybe have them start tennis or so. Or maybe they will nerd out with something on their own. Well see…
Tomorrow I’ll grab the boys and go to the countryside for hiking up the mountains, playing in the forest, eating awesome food in taverns and so on. Will be tiring, but will be fun.
So yeah. Kids are fun and they give me a purpose to strive for. Peace and quiet while being alone was definitely something, but after experiencing both, for me it is purposeless, unfulfilling, and gets pretty boring pretty quick.
Met my first wife when I was in my 20s, she was a bit older, already divorced with kids. We were together for over 10 years, and one of her sons lived with us off and on during his teenage years. We enjoyed all the benefits of a childless existence - disposable income, freedom to do whatever we wanted evenings/weekends, etc, etc.
Eventually our marriage broke down. The reasons for it are entirely unrelated to us not having kids, but we were definitely not destined to be together for the rest of our lives.
About a year or so later I met an incredible woman, and I truly learned what it meant to have a soulmate. We were awesome together. She already had two young kids - 6yo and 9yo - and, a year or so later again, we had our own baby girl. We married a couple of years after that.
We now have a family that includes an amazing 21yo woman, a fabulous 18yo fella, and a beautiful 10yo daughter. My life is complete and I can’t imagine it without any of them in it.
Late 40s. I wanted kids, or at least I think I wanted kids. Might have just been society telling me I wanted kids.
Regardless, kids never happened and I’m glad. My partner and I both agree this world is messed up. And honestly, I probably shouldn’t pass my messed up genes to a new generation.
I made the choice to not have kids. I didn’t want the responsibility and I didn’t think I’d make a good parent. I’m in my late 40s now, and honestly - it’s been pretty great. It was the right choice.
I don’t have kids of my own, but through my time with my step-kids, I’ve learned I would’ve loved to have one or two. I totally understand people who don’t want kids. They can be a huge, expensive hassle. But I feel like I’ve gotten so much more back from them than it ever cost me. Plus they gave me this cup that I drink from every morning. https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/d9705874-dd49-4b02-8a43-a497638c7131.jpeg
I have kids, it is great knowing that I’ve successfully continued my bloodline like my ancestors before me.
While those that have not procreated will die as failures in the eyes of nature. Their bloodlines will end in 100 years it will be like they were never there to begin with.