I’m 42 and have known since I was 4 years old that I never wanted to be a mother. It’s seriously one of my earliest memories - I didn’t want to make my bed, my mother was exasperated with me and said “you’ll be sad you treated me so badly when you have kids of your own”… and I remember being just appalled at the thought of being a parent.
I just don’t enjoy children. I like peace, quiet, and order, and the freedom to do what I want without having to factor in children. Plus it looks super stressful to be a parent. I have 2 nephews and a niece, and while they’re good kids, their parents always look so utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. And I’m definitely not good at being an aunt - interacting with children just doesn’t come naturally to me.
Everyone told me I’d grow out of it. I had to fight to get my tubes tied in my mid-twenties (for real, I had to see so many doctors and had a botched Essure procedure at Planned Parenthood before I finally found an OBGYN who would take me seriously!).
I swore against having kids-for lots of reasons-, same as my wife. But accidents happened and we became parents. As the cliche goes “it is life changing”.
It alters who you are and your idea of importance. There was stress, and exhausting times, but now they are adults they are my favourite people :)
It is a threshold moment situation, if you like your life how it is never have kids. If you have kids your life becomes different. No path is better than the other; just altered.
it is a fair point. On another platform I got pummeled for suggesting that a terrible family that killed their young kids, had done them a favour; in that they didn’t have to endure a lifetime of abuse, and also would not pass on the learned abuse pattern to the next gen. To cold a suggestion I guess.
As an unrelated side note: One thing that has been interesting is watching genes play out. My daughter smirks like her grandfather, and she has had maybe 5 days exposure to him in her lifetime. And my youngest rubs his feet together when stressed, like a self soothing routine, something his great-grandfather used to do, but he died before my son was born. We like to think we are all about choices and choose to be unique, But some invisible biology still controls things.
That's very generous of you. In my experience, the perspective I replied to is the one that is most prevalent and you can't mention being happy without kids without somebody chiming in to say or imply how happy you would be if you had them. It gets really old.
Understood, that used to bother me too. After a while people realized I was firm and laid off. Other than a few occasional passive-aggressive comments from my mom about how she doesn’t have grandchildren, nobody really says anything anymore.
We have one boy and it didn’t really change our life that much. Some time running him to activities and overseeing homework and such, but our hobbies and friends didn’t change.
I’m gonna have my uterus removed because of that. I’m much younger and although I have some pain during my period it’s not debilitating at all, so it’s not that much medically necessary.
It was also super easy to get a doctor to do it. I’m glad things are getting better in this regard.
I can’t wait to not have to deal with bleeding, pain, and libido killer contraception.
Even though I do want children myself eventually, I think those doctors are silly for wanting to limit the person from their wishes of no children. It’s bonkers.
“Oh, you want to do any <insert medical thing that is either somewhat reversible or not at all>? Why, we know better than someone who probably has already took years thinking about it!”
Medical gatekeeping is real. It’s annoying. It’s why abortion, fertility treatments (of many kinds), HRT, and so on, all honestly should be way easier to access with the person’s own consent.
They might argue, but what about the regret rate, the 10 people that according to some rag paper regret it for life. And then they promptly ignore that many 100,000s of people actually have been enormously helped by it, and that they won’t magically go away if you make it harder to access – you’ll just make it unsafer for them, because now they rely on trenchcoat abortions, poor surgeries, lack of safe medicine due to deliberate underfunding of training, forbidding life-saving medicine, etc.
We oblige no duty to breed. Instead, we have a plight to make life enjoyable for ourselves and for each other. This goes their way too.
Absolutely no kids ever even if I wasn’t gay or had ability to adopt. I don’t remember my childhood positively at all, I think my parents should’ve never decided to have kids, and despite me trying hard to not be like them, I found myself making similar mistakes. I don’t understand people being so obsessed about having kids and saying stuff like “wait until you got ur own”, I’m like bitch it’s not happening ever unless it’s a nightmare I wake up all wet after with relief that it’s not real
I’ve known from a pretty early age that I never want kids. Don’t get me wrong, I actually love kids. At social events I’ll often be the one entertaining them, and I can’t wait for my friends to start having kids so I can be the cool & fun babysitter.
However, kids are dreadful roommates, I’d be a horrible parent, I don’t want to bring a living being into this cruel world (especially with climate change), I’m too poor for children, and, being non-binary, parenthood just seems so tied down to gender norms I don’t adhere to.
I would probably be a mom by now if I could be, not because I want to be but due to regular happenstance, but with everything I face and everything having kids could add to that, I don’t trust myself as one, with both bad genetics and a fear of imbuing a bad childhood at play.
I’m not quite the same demographic as you, but I get it.
For me, it’s simply not possible to have kids unless I adopted. And that ain’t happening (adoption is a long, arduous, and expensive process and I’m only one person…wouldn’t want to take that alone). I suppose technically my body might physically be able to produce kids…I haven’t tried, but that’s missing the point.
People sometimes ask me if I want kids and it’s just such a silly question for someone like me. It’s like asking if I had a mega mansion, how would I decorate the 7th bathroom? What I want is irrelevant because that’s not at all in the realm of possibility.
I don’t know if I would want kids or not. But since it’s not possible, it’s not worth dwelling over.
It was bad enough to have to get through the world of children and especially teenagers once. I have zero desire to ever watch and accompany someone else having to go through that hell.
Oh my God I would never want to BE a kid again, it was a nightmare. But my kids say they enjoyed it ok, and weren’t as uncomfortable as I was. Maybe it skips a generation.
I’ve known since I was young that I don’t want any. This was only reinforced after I adopted a kitten last year, regretted it to the point of depression after about 2 months, and adopted him off to someone else who I trust. I realised I absolutely don’t ever want that kind of responsibility again so a human life would be infinitely worse of an idea. this is on top of terrible genetic health issues that I wouldn’t want to force onto another existence.
This is a complicated question. I hate kids. Multiple. They are loud, dumb. But when there’s only one kid, I actually really like interacting with them! It’s so much fun to forget who I am for a moment and play games with a kid! I love teaching new things to them and seeing them try them out.
I will only “have” a kid when the conditions are ideal. That being, finacially stable and away from my family. I do not want them to corrupt the kid’s mind with their religion bullshit. A partner for me is not neccesary. I also plan on adopting a kid rather than making one. Infant or a kid? I’m uncertain.
With all due respect, I disagree. As long as people that are uneducated on sex exist there will always be children born. And there will always be uneducated people around. So we are covered on that.
I think what your mother implies by her words is that no one’s life will be perfect. I’m an optimistic person so that is total bullshit to me. What I’m asking for is far from perfection. I really do not think being financially stable/independent and being away from my parents is a lot to ask for.
Me and my wife has kinda agreed to not have kids. But as life goes on you kind do want it. You don’t want to be in your 50s and wish you had kids to spend time with.
So soon we are having our second. And yes, life is very different but honestly I wouldn’t want it any other way.
No, absolutely not. At least, certainly none of my own, even if I were capable of it… I don’t really see the point in procreating with the world on such a catastrophic trajectory. On the other hand, if I find myself in a situation where I have a home and resources to share, and some unfortunate already-existing kids need those things, I’d certainly offer them a place. That would be just as true for non-kids though, so I dunno how much of a “parent” that’d really make me.
I’m in my mid 40s now but I knew even when I was a kid that I never wanted kids. I see my friends and family now struggling with their own children and I just cannot imagine that life for me. I have no regrets not having kids, but if I ever did, I know it’s better to regret NOT having them than to regret having them.
I have one kid and it’s one of the best things so far life has dished out for me. I love him so much and he’s so much fun. I know one kid is my limit though. Enjoy!