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Azzu , to asklemmy in Sorry for the potentially controversial question: is it normal for less attractive people to settle down with partners they don't find physically attractive?

Yes

HelixDab2 , to asklemmy in Sorry for the potentially controversial question: is it normal for less attractive people to settle down with partners they don't find physically attractive?

I think what happens is that other attributes that they’re attracted to make the person more attractive to them, so that they aren’t weighting solely physical appearance. As in, they might not choose to hook with that person, but would still see that person as a solid choice for a life partner.

That said, it’s horribly cruel to get into a relationship with someone that you have zero sexual desire towards, unless that person has no sexual desire at all. You may not be physically attracted to them, but you should still desire them sexually.

cashmaggot , to showerthoughts in Texting has probably enabled more affairs recently

Fuck cheaters. They're pieces of shit. You wanna cheat? Fix your shit, or leave your relationship you human piece of shit.

orgrinrt ,

I’m not sure if an affair directly implies cheating.

There are many ways to coexist with a partner or partners, and many ways to cheat or otherwise lie/conceal stuff.

Neither as a premise include an affair, but both certainly can.

cashmaggot ,

Emotional cheaters are still cheaters. All fucking cheaters can be taken straight to the fucking trash. I don't care how they do it. I don't care when or what time or age or whatever blah, blah, blah - I just strongly hold the stance fuck cheaters. I'm not talking about a stroll in the park, or a business plan. I am talking about people who are snakes who intentionally and selfishly walk past a series of boundaries and filters because they've got their heads in their asses.

JackbyDev ,

I disagree, I believe that when people use the term affair they’re explicitly referring to something non consensual which would mean cheating. I’ve never heard it used to imply anything related to any form of ethical non monogamy. (But I may be wrong.)

orgrinrt , (edited )

The way I understand the word, it’s more of a “fling”, or a short-term relation, as opposed to something long-lasting or structured. Which, for example, can be fully okay and include no shadiness if it’s communicated with the partner or partners.

I guess words change meaning over time, and since the default has been monogamy for so long, the word is still stigmatized and associated with cheating since it means something short?

As an example, single people can often be heard to have had vacation affairs, which wouldn’t imply cheating since they are single. But the word is used in that context too.

possiblylinux127 ,

Unless they cheat by going to a same sex couple. Then it is somehow ok.

JackbyDev ,

???

Beldarofremulak ,

That’s called sarcasm. You can tell by the “somehow ok” part.

JackbyDev ,

Yeah, I get that, but it still makes it sound like there is some group of people who believe it isn’t cheating if they’re the same sex.

Beldarofremulak ,

That’s because there are people that don’t view “discovering your sexuality” as cheating. Just like there are people that think affair partners are morally clean if they are single because they “aren’t in a relationship so they aren’t the one cheating”.

The world is mostly garbage and that person’s joke was just drawing attention to a slice of that shit pie.

cashmaggot ,

I thought about this the other day because one of the comedians on Dr. Katz eventually came out as gay. And I am most certain he cheated on his SO during that time. But also people still cruise, and I think there is a lot of cheating between individuals of some queer nature who seemingly want more than they can barter for as a whole. Because I am not saying monogamy is the only way, it's just the way for me. But that's neither here nor there. I just want to say that I grew up sort of staggering between two generations. All my friends at one time were older than me, and I got a lot of Gen X influence from that - while still being a stanky Millennial. I can't speak on what exactly Gen X thought could or would be plausible for the queer community as a whole. Because I only know what I thought. And what I thought, was that we could never get married. That we would always have to live our lives in the shadows. And I have lived a considerable amount of my own life in the closet - even when I am a loud and proud lesbian. On account of the default thinking of individuals being that I am just a quirky individual yet nice individual, and that I was I guess...too nice to be gay? Because being gay, for quite some time, was pretty much the worst thing you could be. It meant you were a pedophile, a rapist, mentally ill, damned for all eternity - etc. And I mean, I am not saying that we're leaps and bounds from that, but it is relatively better.

But a simple explanation I've given my gal, who comes from a very different background that me - is that in certain communities you "cannot even be gay." Like it's like an option that doesn't even exist, and it was that way for a long time. And I do know that it has changed a bit, but it's yet again - not by leaps and bounds. And the are still socially acceptable behaviors that straights get to tout 100xs more than queers regardless of how many radical marches or "funny characters" you see in the media.

So this all circles back to individuals like cruisers - or people who cheat with same sex individuals. All cheating, as I said before, I think is bullshit. And no, I don't think being in an non-monogamous relationship with another individual and having sex with other individuals means they're cheating. I do think there can be cheating, when you're not playing by the rules or breaking others boundaries intentionally without conversing on it and knowingly harming or lying to your partner(s) for your own personal gain. But even that's kind of simplified view of it all. But I mean I am aware that we're human, and they we're flawed - and that cheating is nothing new and that to some it means far more than to others. And that there is also a huge debate on whether or not humans themselves are monogamous or if it's a puritanical social construct. BUT! If I never thought that we could get married, yet lo and behold - we can. I am not sure what I would do personally if I didn't think I could be actively gay. As in, if I were an individual trapped in a relationship that perhaps mentally fulfilled me but physically couldn't. Or that the very act of something my body needed - was sinful. But also, you know some people get off on that stuff.

But all things aside, this is to say - that I think that this is a larger and more complicated issue than just wanting to bang someone. I mean, all cheating can have layers to it - but queer sex has generations of oppression that individuals are either trying to combat or hide (I think it shifts by generation but of course there's always outliers). And so in this sense I believe if there were some kind of "green-pass" to same-sex cheating it'd probably be due to something here.

But in my view, there isn't. And I think you might be a little homophobic if you're not joking. And also I am a queer who doesn't believe in that stuff, and I was dating a guy at the time I came out and we most definitely split before I ever was deep in the poon. So it's not like we're all just a bunch of cheating heathens.

PythagreousTitties , to games in Do you prefer RTS or Turn based tactics

I’m fully turn based. I could never get into RTS. StarCraft for example was never fun to me. I don’t know, I just like the slower pace.

shinigamiookamiryuu , to asklemmy in Would you wear a body cam at work?

I literally work for what amounts to a media business, giving me a body cam would be like giving ice to an eskimo.

cm0002 , to asklemmy in Would you wear a body cam at work?

Body cams can already be had for cheap Electronics wise, they’re not complicated or special. Yet, they’re still not in widespread use beyond police.

The reason police body cams are pricey is because 1) “military/police grade” rip-off premium pricing and 2) The housing has to be designed to be waterproof, shockproof, dust proof etc because of what they do on a day to day.

A retail worker is not going to need this level of “proofing” because they’re not running through an alley or something in their day to day

chameleon , to linux in What is something you want to use, yet are NOT using?
@chameleon@fedia.io avatar

Elixir, or Gleam/pure Erlang/some other Erlang VM language. I think Erlang is extremely cool and I've enjoyed the little time I spent with Elixir. I also have absolutely no use case to make proper use of it.

LeFantome ,

I would love to find time to play with Gleam

pdxfed , to science_memes in Strength

That’s a snowball.

digdilem , to linux in linux as business/ company pc?

How it’s set up depends on your business needs. We have a few hundred, and ow they’re set up and managed is defined by a dozen or so groups. Base image to deploy, then ansible and config management to set up the roles.

Users are generally authorised via AD using sssd. Some have very specific Groups which have normal user access and occasionally sudo privs for specific commands. SSH, RDP or physical access.

Our sysadmins have local users with root privs, but most administration is done at scale using ansible or Uyuni.

Like everything, least privilege is the best way. AD allows us to quickly control access if someone leaves or is compromised, but it could equally be done with any central LDAP system and groups.

x4740N , to piracy in Adobe stole my creative suite

Companies always think they can get away with this shit and if the small person in this cast etheric customer tries to fight back the company will bully them until they give up

Once this gets media coverage then they’ll shit their pants because they can’t stay in control anymore because it hurts their bottom line

HelixDab2 ,

Nothing is going to effectively hurt their bottom line, because they own the market. There are no other viable alternatives to Adobe if you are working in the graphics profession. Everyone, and I mean everyone, in graphic design/visual communication uses Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, and Acrobat. If you do any work with designers and receive files from them, you’ll need to use Adobe products in order to access the files and all the information in the files.

This is the sector I work in. There is absolutely no getting away from it, and until someone comes up with a product suite that is better right out of the gate, and is completely compatible with Adobe, no one is going to switch.

Moonguide ,

Even then, it’d take a lot more than just equal quality and compatibility. Folks are too used to Adobe slop to switch.

I’ve recently started using Affinity instead and ngl, it’s getting there. No AI stuff (which is a plus for me), runs better, and is capable of doing damn near the same things.

HelixDab2 ,

You really need a critical mass to break Adobe’s stranglehold. I hope that someone can, because I hate their software-as-a-service model. But for now, I have to suck it up and deal with it.

Their refusal to pay to integrate PANTONE colors has really fucked up my workflow. :(

henfredemars , to science_memes in Strength

Pssssh. The bag is wet, move in! Pssssh!

Mycatiskai , to asklemmy in What is an event that altered you in some way?

I went to my home town from across the country when my grandmother died, I was sleeping on the couch and my mom woke up early and was reading the newspaper close by and saw I wasn’t breathing much.

She said I should go to the doctor, a month later I had a CPAP and had my first restful sleep of my entire life, somehow I survived having a brain that doesn’t tell my lungs to breathe all the time while asleep.

I was practically a new person, it took some years for my brain to bounce back with regards to memory and clear thinking but I’m as normal as can be now.

cashmaggot OP ,

I can't get my partner, who has a congenital condition, to get on one. She's fit af, but she still has issues with the idea. Any sneak-pete knowledge you've got that I could pass on like found-knowledge that might persuade her? I guess ultimately - it's her choice (which kills me but it is what it is). But she really does stop actually breathing as she sleeps. And it freakin' sucks.

ShepherdPie , to asklemmy in What Podcasts do you listen to?

Long commute here, so quite a few.

  • Conan OBrien Needs A Friend
  • Behind the Bastards
  • Smartless
  • Last Podcast on the Left
  • QAA (formerly QAnonAnonymous)
  • Ridiculous History
  • Sinisterhood
  • Crime Junkie
  • Dateline
Loulou , to memes in US government moral alignment

Wrong? You mean instate the president that lost, not caring for fair election results?

Cowbee , (edited )
@Cowbee@lemmy.ml avatar

Venezuelans elected Maduro, while the US wanted Gonzalez to win. The margins are close enough that the US is crying foul.

rbesfe ,

Juan Guaido wasn’t even running in this election, at least get your facts straight before you defend authoritarian dictators

Cowbee ,
@Cowbee@lemmy.ml avatar

Corrected, thanks.

yogthos OP ,
@yogthos@lemmy.ml avatar

Are the AuThoriTariAn DicTatoRs in the room with your now?

Loulou ,

Okay fair enough, but it’s not only the US that seems yo think he’s not the elected president. Are there some more serious organisations who thinks one way or the other? I mean it’s so low hanging fruit bashing the USA :-p

Cowbee ,
@Cowbee@lemmy.ml avatar

We will see. The known anti-Venezuela countries have condemned the election, but right now there isn’t enough proof of fraud.

yogthos OP ,
@yogthos@lemmy.ml avatar

Sounds like something that would happen in burgerland.

BonesOfTheMoon , (edited ) to asklemmy in What Podcasts do you listen to?

Beautiful Anonymous

Search Engine

Expanded

This American Life

Selected Shorts

The Bald and the Beautiful (all drag queen podcasts will teach you things about sex you have never imagined).

Why Won’t You Date Me?

fjordbasa ,

I think you could use some commas or carriage returns here- unless that’s all one podcast?

BonesOfTheMoon ,

I made it as a list and this is how the text came out, damnit.

fjordbasa , (edited )

Markdown
formatting
is

weird.

(After the last word, two spaces for a new line, two returns for a new paragraph)

BonesOfTheMoon ,

Thanks very much.

fjordbasa ,

I didn’t notice the username before- I’m glad to help someone so active on lemmy! Among other things, you keep us “well fed” with crazy sovereign citizen posts 😂

BonesOfTheMoon ,

Aren’t they wild? They absolutely slay me.

fjordbasa ,

You said “they” rather than “those personhoods” ergo victo therefore your comment is invalid henceforth the UCC 130.3-A strawman is null and void. I will be sending a notarized coupon with writing at 45 degrees in red ink, which makes it official.

(Did I do it right? 😂)

BonesOfTheMoon ,

You did hahahahaha

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