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@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe cover
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

sfwrtr

@[email protected]

RS, pronounced /är' əs/. Professional #SF #fiction writer coming back from burn-out. Writes character-driven #SFF (science fiction #fantasy) and some #fanfiction (#MLP). #ClarionWest 98 graduate. #SFWA life member. Studied non-western culture, #folklore, and #mythology. #Feminist #Writer and #Author in the #WritingCommunity amongst the #WritersOfMastodon.

Goals: Return to paid publication. Provide interesting content for followers. Make friends; attract colleagues. See intro post for more...

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JonSparks , to random
@JonSparks@writing.exchange avatar

3/8: Agree with George Orwell: never use foreign, scientific or jargon words and phrases in your work?
I find it hard to believe he would have said anything that daft. I’m guessing he actually said something like, ‘don’t use obscure words without explanation’.
19th century books often use quotes in Latin or Greek, and they’re useless to most modern readers without translation.
But imagine science fiction without a scientific vocabulary…

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@fictionable @JonSparks @bookstodon
Thank you. Now I know how I'll answer this question.

SuzyShearer , to bookstodon
@SuzyShearer@mastodon.au avatar

@bookstodon @bookstodon

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@SuzyShearer @bookstodon @bookstodon
About as true a statement as I've ever heard. I'm printing this one out for my wall.

nevele , to bookstodon
@nevele@aus.social avatar

The World Of The Book exhibition at the State Library of Victoria is marvellous and free. Not only is the location beautiful, the exhibition is well laid out, superbly curated and informative. @bookstodon

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sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@nevele @bookstodon I love calligraphy, but the book on the left takes the idea of margin notes to an extreme. I'd love to know why and what got separated that way. Not asking, but appreciating the artistry.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

I was going to post this as a response to someone else’s post, but realised it wasn’t really relevant to their point.

Years ago, when doing my teacher training, we had a guest speaker come & talk to us about our role as teacher when dealing with sexual diversity etc. He was a very conventional looking young white man.

It was a seminar type presentation, with discussion along the way. As time went on, he slowly removed his “straight” mask, to show how many students can & do present as heteronormative until if & when they’re ready to come out.

I wonder how this would work for autistic advocates who can mask effectively, in small group presentations? Masking as in making eye contact, smiling, a self effacing introduction etc. And then, “This is how I can present when I feel the need. This is how I present when I feel safe or give up caring.” Followed by an explanation of the impact that masking has, the fact that many autistic people can’t mask, the fact that we shouldn’t need to mask etc as well as general autism education.

Of course this shouldn’t be necessary & it wouldn’t be in an ideal world.
We could make comparisons with women who have to play by the men’s rules in business & politics, the people of colour &/or members of other different ethnic/religious groups who try to “assimilate” to get ahead, & how many struggle to do so, feel like traitors to themselves & their peers, get sick of &/or struggle with pretending to be someone other than they really are. Masking autism is not the same, & this would need to be explained, but I think many people would relate to some of the similarities & the feelings involved.

There will always be some people who refuse to learn, who insist on a negative approach as part of their strategy to prop up their own ego. And it’s not them whom I would bother trying to convince. It’s the more reasonable but ignorant people who are open to learning that I think would be worth targeting.

@actuallyautistic

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic

'“This is how I can present when I feel the need. This is how I present when I feel safe or give up caring.” Followed by an explanation of the impact that masking has, the fact that many autistic people can’t mask, the fact that we shouldn’t need to mask etc as well as general autism education. Of course this shouldn’t be necessary & it wouldn’t be in an ideal world. '

With that paragraph my eyes opened.

/I just realized my mother knew all along./ She taught me to mask from when I was a young child in the 60s, to fit in with any set of adults, to seem an adult or a kid, to act this way or that with my little friends depending on the family or the context.

I was the little odd kid who rolled instead of crawling, who didn't learn to speak until placed into a special kindergarten, where I picked up French instead of English. To fit in, to mask. I got soooo good at the acting!

All I wanted was to fit in well enough that I got ignored, so I could be invisible, relieved of my burden. My shyness is really my exhaustion at having to try once again to fit in, to think on the fly with people I don't know, who might see the truth if I fail. Am I fraud, an act, not real? Shyness speaking there, getting in the way.

I have to think about that. I love the masks, my tools. I'm thinking up new strategies.

And to think my mother knew all along I was . I'm flabbergasted. Were she still alive, I'd call her up right now...

Really good post Susan60. Thanks.

sfwrtr , to actuallyautistic
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@actuallyautistic Funny thing: when you accept you're actually autistic, you discover new ways to think about what you just did without thinking before.

I'd read about "over-stimming" following this group, but yesterday I realized I was likely living it, and reacting. My spouse, of course, ignored me because my spouse must have seen it hundreds of times before, but I was there, watch this fabulous but cringy movie. I couldn't take it. I kept getting up, walking away, returning, hiding my face behind my hands, peeking through fingers, picking up my phone, hyperventilating, heart speeding, looking again—until I said, "This is too much!", and left my spouse watching alone.

I'm not going to say it hurt. It did not. "Reacted" is the right word. I liked the feeling but couldn't take it at the same time. I kept returning because I could accept a drib or drab at a time, but only that.

It may take me a month to watch that movie, if I can get myself to make that happen. Remains to be seen. There are so many books, TV shows, and other events in my life that I dropped like this. I don't always come back, but later regret not having done so.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Okay late diagnosed & older autists. What do we do when we retire? I’m reasonably social, in a purpose driven way if that makes sense. My “special interests” have usually revolved around my current stage &/or work - parenting, studies, teaching etc. Retirement as a special interest? @actuallyautistic

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic

I'm retiring next month at 65. I hope. I plan to concentrate on my writing instead of what other people think I should do.. I'm thinking of learning Japanese, again. I'm going to try to read all those books I didn't have time to read between all the writing and the day job. (I am a little scared because it feels like going off script and everyone will notice.)

samiam , to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@petrichor @itsmeholland @samiam @actuallyautistic

"a major factor for late-discovered autistics is that we often have 30-40 years of forcing ourselves to fit into the shape society expects, so it can be hard to tell whether this is our natural shape or not."

For me, that's exactly true. Sorry to barge into the conversation, but I've just finished posting about a character in my stories, who, like myself, has made themself an expert fitting in but who realizes it's a mask, and who wonders who they really are. I thought I'd just validate your thought that showed up immediately in my timeline after my post... before I move on.

So, thank you for reminding me I'm writing about something real, even if it is fiction.

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@Susan60 @brainpilgrim @petrichor @itsmeholland @samiam @actuallyautistic

" I learned to mask in my teens to fit in... [a]nd it kind of didn’t stop from there on."

I agree. We create our masks.

Because this was long ago, and my mother was a professional midwestern bondsman and always busy, I learned to mask by 7 or 8—or my young self was convinced I would die a painful death by belt strap. If I wanted to be with her, and I did because she really did protect me and keep me safe, I couldn't be the weird kid the teachers called her in to school for.

I had to master my dyslexia because she was an avid reader. I had to be seen around adults but not heard. I learned to observe, to figure out what to do to be invisible, and I did it. No need to interact if I did it right, just be there. Doing so meant I wasn't expected to be anything beyond quiet, to read my book, to secretly study the strange creatures around me.

Thus, I ended up shy, and would have to develop other masks later to interact with teachers and customers, who I could trust because they would act professionally and predictably, and I got implicit permission to do so. The opposite sex proved more difficult, but you develop the tools if you want them, I guess.

Sometimes it is all very exhausting, and the answer to others is No. Flat out, No! Still, I feel this mishmash is genuinely me. Aspects, right? A constellation. I made this, after all. It lets me write, and I like that me.

sfwrtr , (edited )
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@Susan60 @petrichor @itsmeholland @samiam @actuallyautistic

'“Just be yourself”, they say. What the hell does that mean?'

Maybe because I'm old and feeling old, to me "being myself" is to stop analyzing it, them, the outside world, and to just "do." Something comes up and I do it, not trying to understand why it feels right. I can run amok when I rely on intuition, yes, definitely, but I guess I've trained my intuition by all the observation I've done over the years; it rarely happens. (Okay, I'm answering posts NOT writing that story, but still.) I just do what feels right often enough that the rest isn't so exhausting.I think the outside world tries to make us not trust ourselves, to control us, but we built our masks and our tools. I'm allowing myself to trust mine.

CavedaleRhones , to actuallyautistic
@CavedaleRhones@sfba.social avatar

@joshsusser @actuallyautistic Good info. Was I the only person that had to look up “cromulent”? :-)

sfwrtr ,
@sfwrtr@eldritch.cafe avatar

@CavedaleRhones @joshsusser @actuallyautistic No. But I like new words.

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