roknrol

CynAq , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

I remember a weird polemic I got into at kindergarten. This is late eighties.

I was already reading at a... I don't know what level. I never understood what "reading levels" were anyway, I mean, if I can read, I can read, right?

Well... Turns out none of the other kids apparently were able to read, at least not openly, and reading was actively discouraged by the staff there. There was a storybook hour where everyone picked a story book with illustrations and PRETENDED to read.

I found out when the teacher lady noticed I was actually reading the thing and pulled it away from me, telling me I wasn't supposed to actually read the book with, you know, words printed on it. The justification was "if you read now and get good at it, you'll have a terrible time being bored in first grade when all the other kids are still trying to learn."

Lady, I don't think you understand how reading works. I can't UNLEARN how to read once I learned it.

This is still within my top five unfathomable school experiences.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@stephenczetty @Georgy @dyani @CynAq @actuallyautistic I used to keep a walkman in my pocket. I'd run my earbuds up through the sleeve of my jacket so that when I'd "put my head down" I could get them close to my ears and listen to music.

Was better than nothing.

roknrol , 10 months ago

@CynAq @actuallyautistic I remember it must have been around the sixth grade we were given a vocab list to learn how to spell and define certain words. One of the words was "sarcasm", which I still barely understand most of the time.

Every time I would try to turn it in my teacher would very sarcastically tell me that it was wrong...and I'd do it again. I did it probably a dozen times before stopping. It was decades before I realized that she was trying to teach me sarcasm, not spelling.

AutisticAdam , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

A strange part of being autistic is getting in trouble for your facial expressions, tone of voice, not inferring things you haven’t been told, & somehow implying things you haven’t implied. It can feel like people get offended by stuff that’s unavoidable & beyond our control.

You're basically getting in trouble for what others are reading in between the lines because they're making assumptions that are only valid for the people they're used to dealing with.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic You're basically describing the entirety of my marriage. Since we met, my wife was certain that I was a cheater and would cheat (I've never cheated). When I get angry and yell, she thinks I'm going to hit her (I've never thrown a punch). I represent every villain in every movie to her, but I'll be damned if I know what I did to earn such a distinction.

My expressions at this point can best be described as "flat". I don't share them anymore.

roknrol , 10 months ago

@demimom @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic The whole, "You said ____ but you MEANT _____" can take a flying leap. If I didn't say it, I didn't mean it. I have words for a reason. I use them - often more than most people can stomach. Don't tell me what I "meant".

AutisticAdam , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

Some of my less talked about autistic traits:

• Reading captions on videos despite having solid hearing.

• Only speaking when you’ve knowledge or valuable insights.

• Answering “how are you?” honestly.

• Proofreading texts/emails/etc 10+ times before sending.

• Clumsy phraseology (e.g saying “present opening” instead of present opening” instead of “opening presents”).

• Not upgrading items due to a strong attachment to current items.

What's yours ?!

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@Aerliss @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I rarely throw things away...I thought it was because I was a cheapskate. I usually try to fix or repurpose it, if possible, although as I've gotten older and less capable I've had to be a bit more willing to let broken things go.

Hence the pending divorce.

roknrol , 10 months ago

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I have to have three valid reasons before I do something, especially if it's expensive, complicated, or dangerous.

One of those reasons can be "because I want to", but the other two reasons have to be a bit more robust.

theautisticcoach , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

How do my #ActuallyAutistic comrades practice self-care in the midst of an autistic meltdown? After?

#AskingAutistics

@actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic In the midst of? I don't think that I do. Self-care is hard at the best of times.

After...I need to shut down and isolate. I'll usually try to turn my energy toward something productive - housework or something. I won't be able to relax until I'm able to 'reward' myself for effort.

theautisticcoach , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

Are you a carrot or a stick #ActuallyAutistic person when it comes to getting your day started? Or neither?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic When I wake up, I'm awake. there's no fiddling about, rolling over and dozing back off...I'm awake and my brain knows it. I may spend an extra 5 minutes laying in bed to keep the spot warm, but in short order I MUST be out of bed to start my day or I go nuts.

"Morning" for these purposes = "when I wake up", not to be confused with daylight hours.

Once I'm up, I want to get started on the important shit of the day. If I can get cleaning done or whatever in
1/

roknrol , 10 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic the morning I can relax for the rest of the day knowing that I accomplished something.

The worst days are the days with early meetings because I never feel like I get anything out of the meeting and now, look at that, two hours gone and nothing accomplished.

2/2

roknrol , 10 months ago

@CynAq @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Generally speaking I agree.

Then again, a lot of humans are insulting to human intelligence too.

AutisticAdam , 11 months ago to actuallyautistic

The autistic urge to spend hours deciding which music to listen to for a particular event or situation, because any music you listen to must fit your mood, the vibe, the pace, the weather and the season.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I've managed to curate a large playlist that allows me to skip only about 1/3 of the songs, regardless of my mood.

theautisticcoach , 11 months ago to actuallyautistic

What does the term "autistic shutdown" mean to you?

How does it differ from an autistic meltdown?

@actuallyautistic

roknrol , 10 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic For me a meltdown is public. A shutdown happens usually right after the people that I'm dealing with decide to give up on talking to me. Then I get broody and won't tolerate people approaching me for anything.

Lots of fun. /s

roknrol , 10 months ago

@DrSafariBoob @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic My big problem is that with the lack of emotion, when I make a decision there is little opportunity to change my mind. Appeal to emotion doesn't work with me at the best of times and if I know I've made a completely logical decision sans emotion I'm far more likely to stick to it.

roknrol , 10 months ago

@polygon @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic For me it's almost always anger...the shutdowns happen when the anger passes.

I'm not sure what a meltdown would look like for me if I wasn't angry/frustrated.

AutisticAdam , 11 months ago to actuallyautistic

Autistic people are often attracted to one particular line in a song and will sing that one line aloud or in their brain for days, possibly in the singer’s accent. This may be considered a form of stimming, as well as a form of echolalia.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

roknrol , 11 months ago

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic That explains a whole lot.

"I won't sit down. I won't shut up. And most of all I will not grow up."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQMVHhxTtLc