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@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

dweebish

@[email protected]

Empty nester, high-tech Luddite, lapsed coder, companion of cats, enjoyer of maths, science, art & music, entirely unable to make small talk, mostly content. #OpenStreetMap

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theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my comrades have a good relationship with their families of origin?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic No. And, in a certain respect I miss it, in another I don't.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What does the term “unmasking” mean to my comrades?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Whole body version of exhaling after holding my breath for longer than is comfortable

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@TheGreatLlama @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic This is me, too. I often assumed I didn't fit in well with others because of my unusual upbringing. Only children were an oddity when/where I was a kid. Now I look back on those ample alone times with fondness.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What’s the most important thing you’ve learnt this year about being ?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic My tiredness, my inability to cope some days, or to live like I see others live isn't a matter of me not trying hard enough.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades feel about airports?

Planes?

What are your top tips?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I grew up flying in commercial aircraft more than most kids my age at the time. Much of it unaccompanied, so for me they're familiar places where I had to function. They make sense; even the noise and bustle don't bother me. I have an airport/travel demeanor.

As an adult I became a pilot only to discover that I hate to fly. I learned too much of the behind-the-scenes. And, current aircraft are more like buses in which they cram as many humans per square unit. I can still get on an aircraft, but only if I must.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades cope with / handle / process grief?

Do you do it "differently"?

If so, you're not alone.

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I find grief far too painful. I place relevant bits of it in boxes (as it were) that reside on mental shelves to be opened at some future date. It usually takes 20+ years for me to get to a point where grieving happens.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What would my comrades like their friends & family to know?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic It takes me several days to recover from long or intense social interaction. I love to see family, but it takes a toll. More short visits are preferable to fewer longer ones.

sahat , to actuallyautistic
@sahat@c.im avatar

I'm in a state of pain tonight. It has a long story of origin. It is a residue from the twenty years of childrearing as a single mother, facing ableism and poverty, facing sexism and facing the devastating effect of doing it alone. I somehow let go of this layer of constraint around my deepest and most difficult bits of pain. I realize, I put it there in order to compartmentalize and in order to be present for my son. I was afraid I could be overwhelmed by it .Unable to deliver my attention and devotion as I felt was needed.
This is not nice but it is new. I feel a freedom to let go. It has to do with my kid being in a state of well-being and being on a good path. In addition to being not a kid anymore. I don't know what else to do but breathe right now, and talk. Or rather write. I have been doing that all day.
Just wanted to let you know. As this community has always given me a feeling of support and of not being alone with the challenges of a neurodivergent life. As I was writing, I felt it was necessary that every woman that goes through this lets out these sounds of pain and of torment, and as publicly as possible. We don't have much space for this, as we are beeing needed and that will be a constant for many years. And it keeps the truth away from whomever wants to ignore it. It does not serve us to be silent. Even if it may seem a survival choice at the time.
Letting go of my fight suit. admitting to the despair and how lost and alone I felt amidst mounting pressure. Letting go of treading carefully as not to scare my child. As not to provoke retaliation from any part of the system in a way that I would not be prepared for.
Letting go of a pressure that has been in my neck for twenty years and wreaked havoc in my body. It's a bit of a flood coming out of of me. Breaking my heart or rather the constraints around it towards feeling the full truth of the emotion.
@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@sahat @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @audhd I hear you. I'm sorry for your years of pain, of having so much expected and required to do alone. I'm glad you feel the freedom to begin to let it go. May this letting go be a beginning to the end of your suffering and the beginning of something beautiful.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Good morning comrades

What are you thankful for today?

@actuallyautistic

18+ dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic In no particular order:
..chairs where I can sit, close my eyes & be alone
..chemicals that help me calm
..pain, carefully used to center
..cats
..warm

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I have trouble maintaining direct , but I have no problem with photographs of people looking directly at the camera or drawings of people looking at the viewer.

Do people really have this level of problem with it? Do you?


@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic Generally, no I don't have problems with it. When I'm very overwhelmed or stressed the it becomes more of a problem.

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I rarely ever address anyone by name. There are people I've known for decades whose names I've never even used when addressing them directly.

Is that an thing?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I intentionally use the names of people like waiters or sales people helping me. When I was a teen a person I respected use a server's name during a meal and I liked how it recognized the person's humanity. In general conversations, I have no idea. Other than family members I very infrequently talk to anyone who isn't a service person helping me with something, where I try to be intentional. >shrug<

autism101 , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Autistic masking behaviors vary from person to person. What are some of your masking characteristics?

image: @littlepuddins.ie

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic Appearing to know what's happening, what people have just said, what a phrase or concept means, but I'm actually completely lost. I bluff well. Chameleon behavior.

ChrisMayLA6 , to random
@ChrisMayLA6@zirk.us avatar

Hurrah... good sense breaks out in the as the 'Waitrose of the North', Booths begins to get rid of self-service check-outs.

Given the price premium at Booths, we (the customers) want the social interaction with staff at the checkouts, not be told to 'scan & bag'!

More importantly, not only do checkouts provide regular local employment, they are also for many semi-isolated shoppers a key bit of rare social interaction... so a welcome reverse!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-67373472

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@ChrisMayLA6 @Greenseer @actuallyautistic @RolloTreadway In my family it's a 3:1 preference for self check-out even when there is a fully staffed check-out available with no queue.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Good evening comrades!

If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic A cabin. In a remote location.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Infodumping is an love language.

If we don’t feel comfortable around someone, we won’t do it.

If we info dump A LOT, we REALLY like you.

It doesn’t mean we are soul mates or even known each other for long.

But we feel safe.

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Thought provoking. It makes me wonder about people I've recently made a conscious decision to no longer info dump to them because their reaction leaves me feeling so desolate afterward.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What are some of my comrades’ same & safe foods?

Do you know why?

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@masukomi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Thank you for this. It gives me a feel for how to understand my son's wife's food preferences.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades feel about spirituality?

Not religion, per se, but spirituality.

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I must confess that I don't understand the term spirituality.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades handle bullies in the wild and online?

How do you take care of yourself after being bullied?

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @actuallyaudhd

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @actuallyaudhd Online I either mute or block. IRL bullies is a main reason I stopped interacting with people in the meatspace (other than my partner) on anything but a superficial level. It's not worth it to me.

Private
dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@ScottSoCal @dpnash @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I do that as well especially with beef recipes. We usually have a nice drinkable cabernet around that I sub for some of the beef stock.

Private
dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@dpnash @axnxcamr @willaful @pathfinder @Moondancer @actuallyautistic My recent memory is garbage so it's a complete guess for me. Perhaps 2020-ish. Might have been as long ago as 2013 when we realized our son is autistic.

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