Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 28 Sunday 26/11/23

TL:DR 4am is in fact a real time of the morning 😆 ; Shopping is so much easier when shops are empty ! ; It really does not take a lot to spin my mood around ! ; Erm is it a good thing to feel like someone has just rammed a pipe cleaner thru your heart ?

Up at 4am , read & chatted with my closest friend until 8am.

Then a relaxed breakfast & some chatting on Mastodon led on to a trip to Costco.

It was super busy with queues not seen since the pandemic !
It was a little too crowded for me & either the number of other people in there or the lights set off a dizzy spell with a helping of nausea. So even though I went in with an eye for a Black Friday bargain we weren’t in there long enough.

The afternoon was a little challenging , a close friend was deeply upset by her dog being unwell, which because they are so close I felt too, this is absolutely not their fault , simply a cascading reaction to a furry friend in distress. Love to them both ! 🫂

Then multiple triggers were set off at home, nothing too serious but enough to make me change my mind about sticking to ‘corporation pop’ & moving to something a deal stronger. 🫤

The evening finished with the last instalment of the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean ’ fest & then a mad dash to get this diary entry out !

Intermittent LHS chest pains since the 12000 step walk have been slightly worrying, but I’m still alive & my obs are all normal so nowt to worry about I hope. After much experience of my version of chest pain & A&E visits the standing order in our house is ‘it’s fine so long as I haven’t passed out!’ .

Final Thoughts:

4am is a nice time to get up, if only because I can have a sneaky snooze between 7 & 8am & still be up to make breakfast on a Sunday 😊.

I think I may have broken some plumbing slightly on my walk the other day , will try a shorter one tomorrow & see where that gets me. Not to be rude but please don’t offer ‘advice’ unless your a cardiologist with a deep knowledge of CAE . Ta 🤗🥰

It seems I can be triggered on the spin of a penny almost !
All it takes is a minor, foolish , unthinking action by another & it spoils the rest of the day. 😞

Note to the couple of folks I know who are reading this by way of trying to learn about autism in others & how to relate to them: If you trigger someone by mistake, & you notice a sudden mood swing , it might help to find out the why of it & maybe try to address the action that caused the trigger.

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Morning Cynni, you didn’t trigger me, that was absolutely someone else, but I was & am very concerned for you & Arwen. I hope she recovers really soon 🤗🥰

I’ll try not to pass out 😊

Awww fank u 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 months ago

@DoubleTreble @PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thank you DT 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 months ago

@PixysJourney @DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 27 Saturday 25/11/23

TL:DR To wake, to game, to sleep, perchance to dream! Or something 😆

This morning was a little easier to wake up , but I’m still finding it hard to get to bed on time - to heavily addicted to Mastodon at the moment!
I did fall asleep again about 6am for an hour before Mrs Squirrel woke up so am still feeling fairly awake at 4:30pm.

Had a lovely time playing ‘It Takes 2’ with my Bestie, they have hypermobility & I’ve got the hand/eye co-ordination of a peanut, but together , with the odd lack of communication & occasional attempted murder we made it past 2 bosses! Had enormous fun 😄!

This afternoon was quieter, culminating in watching Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazars Revenge & enjoying a chinese takeaway .

I didn’t get any steps in today so Project WOOF took a bit of a hit, but tomorrow is another day.

Final Thoughts:

A really good day is a rare gift in these days of fall of empires & approaching apocalypse , I will remeber it for a good long time. 😊

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic It’s a fantastic game Cynni, really enjoy playing it 😊

Love the pic 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 26 Friday 24/11/23

TL:DR A day of 2 halves , ‘Meh’ first thing then the day improved , walking & talking was a proper tonic, & a nice ‘naughty’ meal to finish the day. 😊

Writing in realtime….
Getting up at 4am is a killer at the moment, I do love this time of day, but my body is still in flux & is definitely of the opinion that if the birds are still asleep then it should be too!

All of a sudden, just after breakfast all the wind has been blown out of my sails.
There are a couple of things on my mind , but this sudden drop in energy, motivation & enthusiasm is a bit of a surprise to be honest!
I’ve come back to bed , suddenly the world is too big , too loud , too much !

Maybe I’ll feel better after a finishing my coffee & getting a bit of reading done?

Sometime later:
Mrs Squirrel is off to the office again, this leaves the day ‘free’ .

Ok so my Bestie bullied me out of the door & out for a walk. Walked 12000 steps in total, chatting away merrily on the phone with them & enjoying the blue skies & bright late autumn sunshine , although not the cold biting at my hands !

The exercise did me good but a twinge in my heart about ¾ of the way home advised me that enough was enough when I got in.

I battled thru the chores that I still had left & flopped into the recliner with a cuppa & a naughty toffee mini waffle that , with the cheese spread sarnie about 30 minutes later , constituted lunch.

Resurrected my Spotify a/c this afternoon so I can share tracks with my friend & chatted some more.

Pizza & cider for dinner may put a small dint in the Project WOOF successes today but I feel I deserve it. 😊

Final Thoughts:
Today started on a bit of a downer first thing, I’m not exactly sure why I had the mood swing wether it was ASD maybe ?
The day improved so much with getting out in the fresh air & sunshine, with a close friend chatting away with me.
It’s weird but since I got the initial diagnosis for autism my mental health has started to noticeably improve . I hope that this is not just a short term thing because it feels really good !

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic I am glad that you too have had this improvement in mood , I hope for both our sakes that its not as temporary as you fear 😊

I have felt slightly out of sync with the rest of the world my whole life, since being diagnosed with chronic depression at about 25 years old I attributed it to that , but now it seems I’m ND .

I hope our journeys intertwine for a good long while .

😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic My depression became apparent (visibly) at about 10 , but it would be another 15 years before I got a diagnosis for it. In retrospect I too now understand that it was driven by my ASD.

I agree that having a name for the ‘enemy’ & starting to understand some of the tools to tackle it are helping a lot !

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@HistoPol @actuallyautistic There are a number of reasons, it ties in with when AJJ goes to bed & it means I’m awake to chat with a close friend of a morning 😊

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic I got some decent sleep ta 🤗🥰

I think a little gentle persuasion gets me to shift my bum , a lot of the time I have little motivation to push thru barriers like the one between me & the outside world, a bit of light hearted bullying helps me with that 😊

Thank you again for your support & luv 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 25 Thursday 23/11/23

TL:DR I need a bright sunny day please Mr. Weatherman! ; I have been too long without a close friend , now I have one my inner child is reluctant to share them with others & has been sent to the naughty step to reconsider this opinion! ; I was struck by how much further I still have to go!

A grey & grisly day today, with that horrible cold rain that is just heavy enough to make walking really unpleasant , so me being the big wuss that I am decided that dryness was the better side of valour & stayed in.

Mrs Squirrel was out & about again today, it really seems that currently being on my own is fairly calming & helps me relax.

My bestie was out & about all over the place helping her parents so that kinda put the kibosh on gaming & or chatting with her for most of the day, but that is my selfish side talking, I am one of many friends she has & I need to remember that when I am disappointed that she is otherwise engaged !
Yes I am that distanced for socialising, I have been a virtual hermit for something like 5 years , the whole having close friends who wanna spend time with me is a bit of a novel experience !
I did sort out my EA online account , it took some major tinkering & the creation of a new email account , but we got there in the end !
Next time she wants a gaming session we can try ‘It takes 2’ together ! Huzzah !

Managed to catch up with my friend last thing before she went to bed, a brief laugh with her then good night. 😊

No news on the DA referral front but then I wasn’t really expecting any just yet .

Final Thoughts:
Hey getting this out a little earlier as I’ve actually started to do bits thru the day!

SAD & agoraphobia are still big things, the weather today just reinforced my current disinclination to leave the house. Well I honestly didn’t think things would be resolved overnight !

I have found an ND friend who understands a lot of what I am facing & allows me to help them as much as I can with the problems they face thru their autism & ADHD .
I have other close friends online but I feel too nervous to engage with them to the same extent as they are NT & I feel (possibly incorrectly) that they will find me too strange or too shy, 3 people have blocked me for being too me I guess, this discourages me from getting too close.

As with everyone life is a mix of light & darkness , I am fortunate that my ASD journey is allowing more light in & making the darkness less frightening!

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thank you for the sun ☀️ 🤗🥰

I hope my Bestie understands how my I cherish them, & I truly don’t want to smother them or seem too needy !

Good advice is never babbling & always welcome sweetie 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 24 Wednesday 22/11/23

TL:DR Back to War & Peace I’m afraid Kevin 😆 ; Busy days , with good outcomes help to motivate me to dig myself out of this cycle of depression & ill health! ; EA are a pain in the bum!; Nuggan bless the Besties of this world!

My days are stupidly busy at the moment , which is really good, as on the whole I am enjoying the activities that are taking up my day.

However it is meaning that squeezing time in to do everything I want to is getting challenging!

Getting up at 4am is taking some getting used to, or rather , as I said yesterday, getting to bed on time is taking some getting used to - “I’ll just read that last toot” is the sticking point at the moment 😂

I like getting up so early, I say getting up , its currently waking up & catching up with my bestie then getting out of bed when Mrs Squirrel stirs. The early morning is quiet & peaceful, there is no stress, little urgency & almost total silence .

I tooted about Project WOOF (War On Our Flab!) the other day, & I made a massive step (or number of steps) towards getting this properly underway today.
I voluntarily, with very little persuasion from my bestie , went for a walk !
Agoraphobia conquered for the day ✅
Fresh air breathed ✅
9000+ steps ✅ ✅
Didn’t die of exhaustion ✅

I think I was out for about an hour , & walked about 75% of the way up the highest hill in the valley!
i am very pleased with this !

Got home to find that, even though certain peeps were working from home ,washing dishes was not on the agenda . Hey ho.

Rediscovered that I am totally OCD about stuff going back in the right place in the kitchen , not in fact the nearest resting place in to the dishwasher!
Trigger triggered ☑️
Trigger recognised & frustration channeled into productive activity ✅

So the plan after lunch was to get some gaming time in on ‘It Takes 2’ with CDP 🧚‍♀️
However the Universe had other plans.
EA online account - ‘password has expired , please reset’
Old email a/c
30 minutes of trying to get said email account accessed = fail!
Ok setup new EA account - ok
Link new EA account/c to PSN = FAIL - PSN already linked to an existing account !
Happily no solid objects close enough to the recliner to allow banging head to the point of unconsciousness !
Meanwhile CDP 🧚‍♀️ is on the PSN party chat wondering if her friendly neighbourhood Squirrel doesn’t need a zimmer frame attached to his game controller !
Her mate Mel, joins in the general disbelief in the computing abilities of someone who used to configure Mainframes for a living !
In the end I admitted defeat & we played ‘Man of Medan’ for a couple of hours.

Then a few hours of catching up on here interspersed with the evenings repast & a bit of banal TV that Mrs Squirrel likes & is boring enuf for me to keep a casual eye on but still socialise on Mastodon.

Final Thoughts:
I need a schedule !
I need to put the devices to bed at 21:30 not 22:00 because otherwise I’m losing a critical ½ hours sleep!
I need to update my email addresses when I bin off old email a/cs !

I am slowly coming to terms with being autistic, (please Nuggan the Diagnostic Assessment agrees ! )
In doing so I am starting to tackle some long term problems & ,whilst there is still a way to go, conquering the Agoraphobia & the whole not liking to talk to folk on the phone !
Having a bestie to support & be supported by is awesome !
When the PS5 dies I’m getting a ES/9000 or current equivalent , I can’t cope with these tiny computers !! 😂 - Erm does anyone know of a cheap datacentre somewhere ? 😜😂

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic Yeah, it was a much longer walk than I intended!
But I was chatting with a friend & the distance flew by!

I hope to get some more walks in but I hate being wet , & being wet & cold is a definite no no in my book, thats why we have the SAS !

I’ll be stuffed in the final apocalypse 🙄🤦‍♂️ 😂

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic Hey DT, morning, tis all good !

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic I’ve not seen your mug post this morning ?

Tim_McTuffty , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 23 Tuesday 21/11/23

TL:DR A much better day than expected , largely due to the support of my friends.
A positive , but disconcerting move towards a Diagnostic Assessment was made today , so all in all going to bed a much happier bunny than of late !

So another day with the house to myself has helped relax & chill me out a bit better.

There is much turbulence hidden under the seemingly calm surface of my most important relationship & I fear that key supports in its structure are less than stable. 😔

My mood was up enough to clean the bathroom, which is a chore I dislike enough to need a decent chunk of motivation to get going !

I also got brave enough to ring my Bestie again , this was partially driven by the fact that I know she has problems with her hands due to fibromyalgia & hyper-mobility that are exacerbated by being out in the cold. So chatting over the phone meant she didn’t have to try to type while she was out for a walk into town.
We had a good long chat, set the world to rights & had a good laugh as well. 😊

Getting used to my new sleep cycle is taking a toll, waking at 4am is fine with the alarm, but actually getting to sleep by 10pm is proving challenging , mostly because I’m addicted to Mastodon! 😂
Thus at about 4pm this afternoon when I wanted to get an hours gaming in I actually fell asleep 🙄🤦‍♂️

I want to end with some really promising news, I was contacted by a 3rd party MH provider today , I was initially suspicious because it was not the one I was expecting, but it turned out to be kosher & I’m 90% thru the registration process. I just need to get a copy of my id docs tomorrow & then send them off.

This is a major step forwards , this is related to my referral for a Diagnostic Assessment for my ASD , & timescales for it are so much better via the private sector thru the ‘Right to Choose’ NHS option.
I am conflicted with taking this route because it is helping privatise the NHS via a backdoor, but I cannot dispute that the 4 weeks waiting time is considerably better than the 2 - 3 year waiting times to access the NHS’s own mental health services! Right to Choose basically provides the benefits of going private while it simultaneously waives the hefty costs normally involved !

Final Thoughts:

I had dreaded the fallout from Sundays’ events, some of it is yet to fall , but I was expecting to be in mid-depressive slump by now, but , whilst I’m suffering some of the symptoms , the full on experience has been avoided!
I put this down to the support I have had from my friends on here & in particular my lovely , kind CDP 🧚‍♀️🥰
Chatting with my bestie, actually having a bestie once more , is a blessing. Having an ND bestie who understands where I am coming from & can empathise is almost unbeliveable, that we can support each other is really special !

Being 1 step closer (& a big step at that) to a DA so quickly has cheered me up enormously, I know that the path ahead is long & probably hard, but I am actually making serious progress ! 😊

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 months ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic 🤗🥰