andrew_bidlaw , 6 hours ago (edited 6 hours ago)

The best recipe for cooking a turkey for the Independence day is this.

You’d need (per one person served):

• A gallon of menstrual blood;
• 10 long fingernails and a handful of human hair;
• Super spicy soba noodles;
• A little bottle of gasoline;
• A trader’s pack of heroin.

First, you eat all soba because you’d need energy to run fast. Then you enter your neighbors house where you put fingernails and hair on fire using gasoline and watch it slowly burn making the place smell like a crematory. I don’t know where to put menstrual blood here so just make sure to spray it onto everything white like bed linen, curtains, ceiling. And don’t forget to put heroin somewhere stupid cops gonna find it. After everything is ready and consumed, run for your life, kid.

And have a great Independence day with my ultimate turkey recipe.

What are your favorite turkey recipes, folks?