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programmer_humor

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computertoucher5000 , in Monitor Alignment Alignment Chart

Chaotic neutral on my work desk, lawful good on the gaming desk. Priorities.

bob_wiley , in Stop doing Computer Science
@bob_wiley@lemmy.world avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    GlitterInfection ,

    Crypto, eh?

    bob_wiley ,
    @bob_wiley@lemmy.world avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    Cubes ,

    Man, this must just be a right of passage for working as a SWE or MLE at this point. I’ve heard this pitch from coworkers/managers more than once.

    normalexit ,

    So, uhh… what did the print(money) part look like? Asking for a friend.

    NaibofTabr ,

    Depending on what your coworker actually intended to do, you might want to let them know that printers have features built in to make their output traceable, specifically intended for catching counterfeiters.

    newIdentity , (edited )

    That’s one of these things that sounds like a crazy conspiracy theory the first time you hear about it, but it’s true

    Edit: haven’t actually clicked the link. I mean the yellow dots which the printer makes which is directly traceable to your printer: en.m.wikipedia.org/…/Machine_Identification_Code

    Basically all printer manufacturers entered a secret contract with governments.

    whileloop , in Stop doing Computer Science
    @whileloop@lemmy.world avatar

    This could be so much longer.

    Killing children, class systems, so many programming language names, the ridiculous ways equality and order-of-operations are done sometimes. Plenty of recursion jokes to be made. Big O notation. Any other ideas?

    MxM111 ,

    GOTO

    Hoimo ,

    GOTO is the only thing that makes sense. It’s the “high-level” concepts like for-loops, functions and list comprehension that ruined programming.

    series.append(series[k-1]+series[k-2]) for k in range(2,5)]

    RAVINGS DREAMT UP BY THE UTTERLY DERANGED

    Vilian ,

    if goto make sense why don’t you go to get some bitches

    newIdentity ,

    Because “get some bitches” is an invalid instruction

    ChickenLadyLovesLife ,

    I started coding with TurboBasic, which included the helpful innovation of GOTO {label} instead of GOTO {line number}, which allowed you to have marginally-better-looking code like:

    GOTO bob
    …
    bob:
    {do some useless shit}
    return

    which meant you essentially had actual, normal methods and you didn’t have to put line numbers in front of everything. The problem was that labels (like variables) could be as long as you wanted them to be, but the compiler only looked at the first two letters. Great fun debugging that sort of nonsense.

    chfour ,

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ONLY LOOKS AT THE FIRST TWO LETTERS WHAT

    Gork ,

    Big Orgasm notation

    dukk ,

    A monad is just a monoid in the category of endofunctors.

    dylanTheDeveloper ,
    @dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world avatar

    The only reason I enjoy C++ is because I can cast destroy on children and it’s parents if they’re present in the world

    Lightor ,

    Masters and slaves

    Cloning

    Deploying code (that’s what you do with soldiers!!!1)

    Using Git to rewrite history.

    Atomic values (like the bomb!)

    These people are madmen.

    Gustephan ,

    One of the slave node’s child process failed, so the master node sent a signal to terminate the child and restart the slave

    There’s pretty solid reason my research group is pushing to use “head node and executor nodes” nomenclature rather than the old-school “master node and slave nodes” nomenclature, haha

    lowered_lifted ,

    Floating point operations with decimals not always adding up

    xmunk ,

    They always must add up - if they added down then they wouldn’t be floating points now would they!

    Isoprenoid , in Stop doing Computer Science

    Can someone explain this joke to me

    “I’m writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%”

    I understand everything apart from the “in a 0.02%”. What does that mean? How can something be in a percentage?

    Sheik ,

    I think they meant « by ».

    obosob ,
    @obosob@feddit.uk avatar

    It’s a nonsensical statement to us programmers too.

    peopleproblems ,

    It’s a double joke. For programmers, it’s pretty useless unless your in high performance computing.

    If you’re on the nitty gritty OS or CPU itself, 0.02% optimization can mean significant improvememt of different things but because it is otherwise unitless, it is equally useless to the reader.

    snowe ,
    @snowe@programming.dev avatar

    “In a .02%” is nonsensical. They meant “by”. So it’s just a fail, not a joke.

    spez , in Stop doing Computer Science

    I always wonder what the original post was. Something like “Stop doing science!” or some shit but seriously rather than sarcastically.

    d_k_bo ,

    knowyourmeme.com/memes/stop-doing-math

    spez ,

    Ah ha! Thanks, I thought this spawned on some conspiracy facebook group

    threelonmusketeers ,

    Funnily enough, helical apple slicers can easily produce the shape depicted in the bottom quote, making it a not unreasonable request.

    manapropos , in Stop doing Computer Science

    This but unironically

    Narrrz ,

    SAND WAS NOT DESIGNED FOR THINKING
    THIS IS NOT A NATURAL USE FOR ROCK DUST

    dudinax ,

    Pretty broad statement from a charcoal-brain.

    Rin , in Stop doing Computer Science

    while (true) { print(money) }

    isn’t that just crypto mining?

    NaibofTabr ,

    Three years ago, yes. Now? not so much.

    Rin ,

    i mine monero while idle and it prints a massive 0.03GBP a day :)

    ThanksForAllTheFish ,

    Serious question, wouldn’t it be cheaper to buy it?

    newIdentity ,

    Yes

    Rin ,

    given i have solar panels, it’s technically free money.

    coloredgrayscale ,

    And how much does it cost you in electricity?

    Rin ,

    free (solar)

    joyjoy ,

    JavaScript will actually open the print dialog.

    BastingChemina ,

    This is basically what the bank are doing when you get a loan.

    When you get a $25k loan from a bank the banker does not take money from somewhere to put it in your bank account. The banker basically just add a +25k in your bank account that comes from nowhere.

    nhriven , in Stop doing Computer Science

    Great idea mate

    1024_Kibibytes , in Stop doing Computer Science

    Increasing the CPU optimization by 0.02% does seem crazy to me. If you’re going to spend time working on something, make it worthwhile. Also, isn’t while(true) {print(money)} Microsoft, Apple and Amazon:s business model?

    dylanTheDeveloper ,
    @dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world avatar

    I mean if the CPU that’s running these instructions is super low power then 0.02 might be worth it

    Gork ,

    Or if you’re scaling a large cluster of CPUs for parallel computations where a 0.02% increase can make a tangible difference in runtimes.

    Declamatie , in kesiYaNgamia

    At_My_Job_We_Use_This_Case

    AVincentInSpace ,

    wwwhhhhyyyyyy

    Ogeon , in Stop doing Computer Science

    To make things worse, that teapot doesn’t have a bottom surface.

    Klaymore ,
    @Klaymore@sh.itjust.works avatar

    The floor is its bottom

    Anticorp ,

    To make it worse still, if there’s only one of them then there are zero of them.

    noughtnaut ,

    Explain for the whoosh minded among us?

    Anticorp ,

    In programming things are 0 indexed, meaning one of something is 0, two of something is 1, etc.

    dylanTheDeveloper , in Stop doing Computer Science
    @dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world avatar

    I bet ATMs would have a while true print money function

    coloredgrayscale ,

    Almost:

    
<span style="color:#323232;">While (hasMoney())
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Print(money)
</span><span style="color:#323232;">
</span>
    odium ,

    More like while hasMoney(){dispenseMoney()}

    HiddenLayer5 , in Stop doing Computer Science

    Cat is a fluffy animal, not for reading shit

    coloredgrayscale ,

    Cat is a fluffy animal, and for shreading shit

    feral_hedgehog ,
    @feral_hedgehog@pawb.social avatar

    https://pawb.social/pictrs/image/4423e647-1f17-4c74-a418-79a1ef58fbe0.jpeg

    the_lemming ,

    Writing ‘echo’ cannot do anything. Everyone knows echo works with sound only.

    CosmicCleric , in Stop doing Computer Science
    @CosmicCleric@lemmy.world avatar

    Isn’t that supposed to be “Write it on a paper”?

    communistcapy ,
    @communistcapy@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    Nobody thought in doing

    nyan ,

    Well, they could be talking about a computer science paper. Otherwise, it should be “Write it on paper” (no a).

    nyan , in Stop doing Computer Science

    Enough people have thought of while (true){ print(money); } for manufacturers to have built stuff into printers to prevent that, alas.

    ReluctantMuskrat ,

    Indeed. The amount of work that’s went into the prevention and ways to identify who’s done it is not insignificant.

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