There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

I think I am socially ostrasized, what should I do?

Hello. For context, I am in a university. I do not have any friends, and it feels like colleagues talk bad about me. This makes me quite hesitant to join any circles or attend seminars. I am not sure it is everyone who thinks bad about me though, I fear about asking. Yet I plan to do research, so I should attend seminars to learn current trends and stuffs. May I ask what I should do in such a situation? Are friends necessary, or not really? Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead? Thanks for reading lengthy paragraph, I would love any comments or advice for this.

neidu2 , (edited )

What gives you the impression that others are badmouthing you? In cases like this, I have come to realize that it mostly boils down to indifference. People have their own lives and social circles to pay attention to, and as such their interactions with you would be neutral, which can seem cold.

If the above is the case, you’re not ostracized, you just haven’t found anyone to connect with (yet). I suggest you attend events, and hopefully you’ll get to know someone better.

someacnt_ OP ,

It comes from that I hear people talking bad about me. Like, saying that I am a freak (or similar).

neidu2 ,

Unless you can think of what could’ve caused this, I suggest you attend the seminars. If someone there doesn’t like you just because you’re you, that’s their problem.

You won’t like everyone you’ll ever meet. And not everyone you meet will like you. And sometimes there will be actual dislike in the mix. It’s just how life is.

someacnt_ OP ,

Hmm, another person commented here that attending seminar is like outsider acting like an insider. How do you think about it?

Maeve ,

Wow. People can be so cruel. Have you heard them say why they feel this way?

someacnt_ OP ,

No, I don’t think they explain anything about why.

Maeve ,

That's savage. It's hard to address an issue if you don't know what it is. Any ideas?

People often dislike and fear what they don't understand. Self-care is really important, regular bathing and other hygiene (you're worth caring about). Also, walk with head high and shoulders back. Take up space. Use the central sidewalk, central doors. You're as worthy as anyone. To put it another way, don't dim your light so others seem brighter. If there are personal thought, word, deed habits that need addressing, be honest with yourself and address them. I don't know you, so I can't say.

someacnt_ OP ,

Thanks! I suspect that it continues from my high school and uni days where I was belittled a lot. The momentum is hard to overcome. That said, that people talking bad about me right now can be an illusion.

Maeve ,

You're very welcome. I just glanced at your post history. You're hella smart. Way smarter than me. I'm sure most of your posts are way over my head, but I think we should stretch for our reach to exceed our grasp. Thus, I'm "following" you. Maybe I'll learn from you.

someacnt_ OP ,

Thanks for kind words, I’d say my smartness is just that I took tons of time to learn. You can learn lots of knowledge given time, even math! Tho indeed, not everyone has time for learning, so it is okay to not know something! :)

Maeve ,

You're very welcome. Thank you for your kindness, as well. I look forward to any future interactions.

xmunk ,

Ostracized and isolated are two very different things, do you think there’s an intent that’s actively excluding you or are you welcome but personally uncomfortable forming social bonds?

someacnt_ OP ,

That’s the issue, I don’t know if they are actively warding me off or are just ambivalent. At least I am not welcome, that is for sure.

someacnt_ OP ,

I just read the rules, does this post break rule 3? Where is the better place to ask this question?

neidu2 , (edited )

Don’t think so. I’m not a mod on this board, but if I was, I’d say it’s OK - you ask a genuine question about approaches to a social situation, which should be all good. Also, thanks for reminding me to actually check out the rules in the sidebar.

Deceptichum ,
@Deceptichum@quokk.au avatar

Hi, are you neurodivergent by any chance?

someacnt_ OP ,

Yeah, I suspect I am both mildly autistic and ADHD.

Deceptichum ,
@Deceptichum@quokk.au avatar

Okay, well I’ll try to answer your questions as directly as possible.

Attending seminars to learn about current interests is a very clinical approach, that won’t ever really capture what those trends are and you will appear to be even more of an outsider imitating the ‘insiders’. I personally wouldn’t recommend it, maybe try looking to find a group hobby that you can do with other people (DnD, walking, photography, book club, sports, etc).

Are friends necessary, or not really?

Necessary is subjective. But at least for me I find having some social connections I can talk with helps, and is overall a net positive on my quality of life. Also good friends can end up being with you for life, certainly a good investment.

Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead?

That depends, why are you in University? If it’s purely for academic learning, just focus on your studies. If it’s to gain life experiences as well, go out and seek people. If it’s neither, and you can’t think of any other reason to be in such an environment than maybe a job would be a good change.

someacnt_ OP ,

I want to do research, that is why I am in the uni. Problem is, network effect is strong in academia, so being isolated is not great for that…

Maeve ,

Are there any clubs that hold interest for you? Chess club, book club, drama club, small local bands? What kind of research? Anything pertaining to that?

Fanfic? Scifi? Creative writing?

someacnt_ OP ,

I do not have particular interest other than gaming, tho I can maybe pursue an interest. Chess club sounds good, perhaps I’d try that!

Maeve ,

That's cool. There are probably gaming groups, if even informal. Look for those.

someacnt_ OP ,

Thanks again, will do!

BackOnMyBS ,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place avatar

!autismplace

!autism

!audhd

❤️

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • [email protected]
  • lifeLocal
  • random
  • goranko
  • All magazines
    •