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I think I am socially ostrasized, what should I do?

Hello. For context, I am in a university. I do not have any friends, and it feels like colleagues talk bad about me. This makes me quite hesitant to join any circles or attend seminars. I am not sure it is everyone who thinks bad about me though, I fear about asking. Yet I plan to do research, so I should attend seminars to learn current trends and stuffs. May I ask what I should do in such a situation? Are friends necessary, or not really? Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead? Thanks for reading lengthy paragraph, I would love any comments or advice for this.

some_guy ,

I don’t know about the rest, but I will say that having friends is absolutely worthwhile and worth pursuing.

Whether to stay at school or get a job, it sorta depends on your circumstances. What are you majoring? Are you interested in it? Are you taking on massive debt in the process? Will your education likely lead to career opportunities? You don’t necessarily answer here, but these are definitely questions worth asking yourself.

Depending on circumstances, staying at university may be highly advantageous. It may be a place where you develop life-long friendships or meet people and network in ways that are later career-advantageous. It could also suck you into unnecessary debt without much perceived value when you’re done. It’s difficult to say, but worth considering before acting on a whim. Good luck!

half_built_pyramids ,

I recognized I went a little crazy last week with some acquaintances. I’m going to ask them next week if it was ok. It’s hard to ask, but you just gotta do it and own it when it’s on you to improve.

neidu2 , (edited )

What gives you the impression that others are badmouthing you? In cases like this, I have come to realize that it mostly boils down to indifference. People have their own lives and social circles to pay attention to, and as such their interactions with you would be neutral, which can seem cold.

If the above is the case, you’re not ostracized, you just haven’t found anyone to connect with (yet). I suggest you attend events, and hopefully you’ll get to know someone better.

someacnt_ OP ,

It comes from that I hear people talking bad about me. Like, saying that I am a freak (or similar).

neidu2 ,

Unless you can think of what could’ve caused this, I suggest you attend the seminars. If someone there doesn’t like you just because you’re you, that’s their problem.

You won’t like everyone you’ll ever meet. And not everyone you meet will like you. And sometimes there will be actual dislike in the mix. It’s just how life is.

someacnt_ OP ,

Hmm, another person commented here that attending seminar is like outsider acting like an insider. How do you think about it?

Maeve ,

Wow. People can be so cruel. Have you heard them say why they feel this way?

someacnt_ OP ,

No, I don’t think they explain anything about why.

Maeve ,

That's savage. It's hard to address an issue if you don't know what it is. Any ideas?

People often dislike and fear what they don't understand. Self-care is really important, regular bathing and other hygiene (you're worth caring about). Also, walk with head high and shoulders back. Take up space. Use the central sidewalk, central doors. You're as worthy as anyone. To put it another way, don't dim your light so others seem brighter. If there are personal thought, word, deed habits that need addressing, be honest with yourself and address them. I don't know you, so I can't say.

someacnt_ OP ,

Thanks! I suspect that it continues from my high school and uni days where I was belittled a lot. The momentum is hard to overcome. That said, that people talking bad about me right now can be an illusion.

Maeve ,

You're very welcome. I just glanced at your post history. You're hella smart. Way smarter than me. I'm sure most of your posts are way over my head, but I think we should stretch for our reach to exceed our grasp. Thus, I'm "following" you. Maybe I'll learn from you.

someacnt_ OP ,

Thanks for kind words, I’d say my smartness is just that I took tons of time to learn. You can learn lots of knowledge given time, even math! Tho indeed, not everyone has time for learning, so it is okay to not know something! :)

Maeve ,

You're very welcome. Thank you for your kindness, as well. I look forward to any future interactions.

someguy3 ,

It never hurts to read “How to win friends and influence people”.

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