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How the fuck do you meet new people?

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.

Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

If you’re willing to DM a D&D group, you can probably find people who want to play.

throwaways_are_for_cowards OP ,

That’s not a bad idea, but how do you actually meet these people and offer to run a game?

xmunk ,

The best option is to find an rpg/board game store near you and just post an ad on their cork board - the internet can also work but you’ll usually end up needing to vet players much more.

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

This is exactly right.

There’s always a chronic imbalance of people willing to DM vs people wanting to play. I think that’d be a great way for you to meet new people.

Coldcell ,

There’s a few (paid) sites to find games, but read the rules make up a story and roll dice in discord

originalucifer ,
@originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com avatar

i dont

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@fedia.io avatar

Aside from meeting people at work, Ive only manually made friends twice. Once I found a hobby store that was near enough where they ran dungeons and dragons groups that were low pressure, so I was able to jump in and get taught and it was a good time!

The other was that I used reddit's "gamerpals" sub to find someone to play with. Went through maybe three clunkers and actually ended up playing with a dude that I still play with weekly and is my friend.

throwaways_are_for_cowards OP ,

Do we have a gamerpals or LFG community here on Lemmy? This is a good plan and you’re not the only one suggesting D&D.

Coldcell ,

We really should, Lemmy is d&d community light atm

UnRelatedBurner ,

despite the fact that everyone seems to play (or want to play) it on here.

Coldcell ,

I became the forever DM in my group, otherwise I’d run it all day

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@fedia.io avatar

I'm not sure, but honestly in the interest of having the highest chance to meet someone since your happiness is important, I would use reddit for the amount of people in the pool, then just leave after that lol.

lemmy_user_838586 ,

Usually the best way to find new people is to get into an activity or hobby. Use meetup, or Facebook events, or other local event coordinating services to find activities or events you’re interested, go and chat with people, and if you hit it off with people after a few times seeing them, try to make a connection individually outside the group, like meeting up for coffee or a beer, etc.

The hard thing you’ll find as you age though, is there’s a finite amount of social attention people have with their lives, and as people age and establish their groups of friends, sometimes its hard to break into their circles as they’ve already kinda maxed out their in life social network. Sometimes they either aren’t really looking to add more friends, and include more people in their life, or just don’t think to invite you to events etc. Breaking though that, or finding people open to adding more to their social networks, can be hard as you age.

Bach37strad ,

There’s no meetup group for smoking weed and going back to sleep unfortunately. I already checked.

Vibi ,

Depends where you live! There’s weekly/monthly cannabis events where I’m at. I’ve made some great friends at them!

iAmTheTot ,

There definitely is.

wheeldawg ,

Well then how the hell did they get in my room?

Alteon ,

My dude, you can always start. I guarantee there’s a group out there for you.

GrumpyBike1020 ,

Co-ed sports league - even something non-athletic like kickball, esports, or board games.

UnRelatedBurner ,

I just had a conversation about this, among other things. The thing is: we have no idea. Also I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.

If you do get an answer, act upon it, and it works, please remember me and tell me.

Twitches ,

👋 second, please let me know. I’ve never been great with this.

pineapplelover ,

I have found great friends at school because I hang out with them all the time. Programs at school where I do studying and meeting new people.

After graduating, I guess I might try meetup groups and such.

passepartout ,
@passepartout@feddit.org avatar

Some years ago reddit was the reddit for nerds. The demographic probably has shifted more towards normies by now.

MeatsOfRage , (edited )

Basically you have to bond over a game, be it physical, like sports or board like regular board games or as many people mentioned here D&D. For sports, regardless of your skill level, there’s a group. Beer leagues and such. Solo sports like mountain biking can work too but you have to be super consistent and really get into the sport where you have common ground.

If physical stuff is out of the question, then you have your board games. Even small towns have meetups.

The important thing is actually doing these. Friends don’t just come to you and you have to be consistent. Most people don’t just become friends in one or two sessions, it takes time and rapport building. And you can’t always wait for others to initiate the friends part. You might have to be the one that goes “hey wanna grab some wings after this.”

Mango ,

I’ve learned about myself that I cannot engage with people personally. It’s never me and them. It’s gotta be us and the things we’re doing. Usually a game.

peanuts4life ,
@peanuts4life@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’ve made a lot of IRL friends online and at work.

If you’re between jobs, consider doing something like Americorps. People of all ages do it, not just young folks, and its temporary. I think of it as summer camp for adults, but you get paid and in some cases housing.

Back in 2017 I was super into VR. IDK what the communities are like now, back then the demographics were older, but I got a big social fix from it. An oculus quest 2 or 3 is affordable. Almost all the best games are social, “face to face” talking. It’s like having a public arcade in your closet.

I made the most friends back in 2011 by posting art online and commenting on other artists’ things. People love chatting about their hard work. I ended up meeting loads of them in person. If you can find a space of creatives, whether it’s a bluegrass club, DND, discord book club, whatever, you’ll have a good time.

And, don’t beat yourself up about being lonely. Life moves in cycles. Remember, it just takes meeting one extrovert to suddenly gain a crap ton of friends. Or, maybe you’ll collect them one by one. Regardless, I feel you. Be well.

NocturnalMorning ,

I work from home, made a discord for other people that work from home, posted it on reddit in the town I live in, and ended up making friends that way.

Unfortunately, you have to go out of your way to make friends the older you get. But I don’t think it’s an insurmountable obstacle. Just gotta find people who share common interests.

Infynis ,
@Infynis@midwest.social avatar

I used to live in a place like where you do now. There’s a chance you’ll run into someone cool, but it’s very low. I had to move to the city to form an actual friend group

Habahnow ,

Social events like bars and raves are an option. You’ll find people who just want to get shit faced, but also social people. Volunteer work has a lot of people you can interact with and eventually become friends with. Game places are another option as mentioned. Video games as well. If you have a dog, parks are a way to start conversations and meet people.

Lost_My_Mind ,

Step 1 - Move to Cleveland.

That’s it. There is no step 2. Everytime I leave the house, all I hear is “Oh, hey! I like your jacket!” Or “Heeeey, you know what time it is!!!” (as said as I’m carrying a 24 pack).

Or “Whats goin’ on my brotha from anotha motha???”

I’m not particularly social, so I just fake my way through these interactions. But it’s my understanding that 260K people (or whatever Cleveland has) are all one big social group, and we all go out drinking every day.

Except I don’t really like being around strangers. So I just power through and get home quickly. But I’m sure you could have a 2 hour talk with any rando on the street.

JimmyBigSausage ,

Sounds nice actually. Everyone here stays inside because it is hot right now.

Lost_My_Mind ,

Currently 72F. Scattered clouds, but it’s not going to rain today.

gandalf_der_12te ,
@gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

short question - do you mean Cleveland, OH, or Cleveland, TN, or Cleveland, TX, or Cleveland, GA?

PopcornPrincess ,

Yes.

VulKendov ,
@VulKendov@reddthat.com avatar

Cleveland is actually located in a pocket dimension. Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, and Georgia (US) have portals into the Cleveland dimension.

Fun fact: Cleveland is named so because a wizard cleaved a rift in space-time and built a city inside the cleave.

ogmios ,
@ogmios@sh.itjust.works avatar

Join a “fun league” sports team, take a community arts course, go to church, work for a volunteer organization, just to name a few ideas.

Dymonika , (edited )

Real ways I made friends as a transplant in a new place:

  • Non-staff people related to my workplace
  • Nearby events that people related to my workplace knew about
  • Meetup.com
  • Church events (depending on the activity or group, they're happy to have you even if you don't believe what they believe or literally never went to their church a single time—in my case, because I can't due to being a weekend worker)—ironically, I met and befriended a nonbeliever who was also a guest at such an event, so never say "never"
  • Friends of friends (new friends who they become with, and then introduce me to)
  • Reddit and other communities (finally had a redditor over at my place from states away recently for the first time, which was interesting and fun)

I would probably add Facebook events and maybe a calendar of local events, such as activities at nearby libraries.

I wonder if you're able to scrounge up enough savings to move to a less-desolate area. Do you WFH?

I relate very much to your disconnectedness. It took me some time to realize that I was known to her circles as my "ex-wife's husband," not really as an independent being, so when we split, they stopped talking to me (well, us both, because she cheated and was adamantly unapologetic about it).

If you wanna try out titles on Board Game Arena, I have a premium-subscription friend in another state who would be happy to have you join us for games online from time to time!

As for IRL cost-saving events, I have friends over, or go to them, for a home-cooked dinner/potluck and a movie. There are streaming-service free trials and DVD/online movie services from libraries (such as Hoopla Digital and Kanopy) which should be able to help you avoid paying a cent. Hiking and board games are also cheap or free.

Boozilla ,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

Nextdoor.com is mostly a shitshow. But I’ve had good luck asking the locals for recommendations on local businesses and community activities and events.

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