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what's a polite way to reject a picture with a very thankful patient who was under your care?

I have a problem with establishing boundaries.

I’m a private person. That’s very often misinterpreted as being arrogant and feeling superior to others. I’m not, I just wish to be left alone, but people still feel disrespected and it’s tiring to be constantly explaining yourself. And I don’t understand why I have to explain myself constantly.

This very emotional and thankful patient wanted a picture with me and I stupidly agreed. He also wanted my phone number (I gave him a false one) to invite me to have lunch, as he celebrated his 70th birthday. I don’t believe it was sexual or romantic, because he is married, his wife was there when he extended the invitation and took the picture and he also wanted to invite the whole unit.

I acted like this because it was the easiest way to get him to leave the hospital and free the room but also because I didn’t want to cause a scene.

What could I do next time?

BigMikeInAustin ,

“Sorry, I don’t get paid enough to afford a phone.” /s

breadsmasher ,
@breadsmasher@lemmy.world avatar

“Thank you, but unfortunately the hospital/medical place doesn’t allow me to do that/accept an invite” ?

A_A ,
@A_A@lemmy.world avatar

i was going to upvote but then I read FuglyDuck’s answer here.

BigMikeInAustin ,

If this only happens at work, then you can say, “Sorry, that’s against my department’s policy. We’ve had some incidents and my boss told us not to.”

sun_is_ra ,

I am a bit of a shy person and being on spotlight could make me uncomfortable. A simple thank you is enough to brighten my day

vk6flab ,
@vk6flab@lemmy.radio avatar

Thank you, that’s very kind, but for professional ethics reasons I’ll have to decline your offer.

ABCDE ,

I also get that sort of feedback, turned out I’m autistic.

I would go with something along the lines of: “I’m really not a fan of pictures”, and when it comes to such an invite, “That’s very kind of you, I’ll see if I have time” (if you want to let them down lightly).

lord_ryvan ,

I’ve used the last one before, and had people (naturally) ask me again if I already know if I have time a day or a few days later.

FuglyDuck ,
@FuglyDuck@lemmy.world avatar

“ I appreciate the invitation but I have a policy to not meet patients outside of work or take photos with patients.”

(And, probably, so does the hospital, at least for the meeting people outside work,)

If they need more, a “it makes me feel uncomfortable.” And walk away before they make it weird.

Whatever you do, don’t blame policies at the hospital because other staff probably are okay with it, and/or they’ll bitch at management who will respond with a “that’s not true….” Or something.

Once you’re outed it’s just gonna get weirder.

Diplomjodler3 ,

Maybe there is such a policy. Doesn’t hurt to check.

FuglyDuck ,
@FuglyDuck@lemmy.world avatar

If there really is a policy about it, then that’s all that needs to be said, of course.

I sort of imagine there is a policy about dating/romantic/otherwise intimate relationships with patients, but also imagine that as described there’s no specific policy, if that makes sense.

RightHandOfIkaros ,

“I appreciate the kindness and am happy for your excitement and recovery, but no thank you. I don’t like to have my picture taken.”

EatATaco ,

It’s shocking how many people are suggesting lying in a way that’s so easy to get caught. “Weird I just took a picture with the nurses and the other doctor.” That’s going to make it even more awkward.

If I were you, just suck it up and take the picture, and then say you dont hand out your private number to patients and like to keep the relationships professional. This is presumably honest.

Not taking the picture is really spitting in the guys face. It’s so quick and it goes a long way to making them feel good, and feel good about you. It’s one of those things I would explain to my kid that you just do it and get it out of the way even if you don’t like it.

Not giving our your number is entirely reasonable, and I suspect is also honest.

FuglyDuck ,
@FuglyDuck@lemmy.world avatar

Not taking the picture is really spitting in the guys face. It’s so quick and it goes a long way to making them feel good, and feel good about you. It’s one of those things I would explain to my kid that you just do it and get it out of the way even if you don’t like it.

Not even close. Not at all.

Spitting on someone, aside from being freaking nasty, mean, and frequently motivated by some type of bigotry, is pretty much considered the same as physical assault everywhere. Especially if one carries any sort of disease communicable by saliva (Hep-C comes to mind. Meningitis. COVID.)

Also, why do you- or whoever- get to have their feelings considered, but not OP’s? why do you feel like you- or whoever- is so entitled to another person’s likeness that they should just “Suck it up”?

This is ignoring the simple reality that sometimes, that photo going up on the internet puts the person who didn’t want it up in direct, literal, harm. maybe their profession has some religious prohibition that there’s violation. Maybe there’s a stalker ex. Maybe they’re in some type of witness protection or secret agent.

We don’t know why it’s uncomfortable, and it really doesn’t matter. People should be respected when they say “no, I don’t want my picture taken.”

(my money is totally on secret agent.)

But, yeah. Lying about there being a departmental prohibition on any of it is an easy way to just make the entire thing more awkward. It’s best to simply be candid and decline.

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