How to know you'll turn out trans?

Ookami38 , 5 days ago

You’re asking people to describe a qualic phenomenon. This thing, the feeling of being trans, isn’t really something someone can describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it.

Ultimately, what you’re describing to me is less trans, and more along the lines of how I am. I’m a cisgender male, but I’m also very feminine in certain areas. I paint my nails, I enjoy dancing, too, and I play female characters in games where I can make the character. I enjoy teaching, and nurturing. I have no desire to change my gender, or to conform any more strictly to one set of gender norms or the other.

So often, you’ll hear trans people say they always knew. I think that’s both the case, and a bit off. My guess is that they’ve always had a feeling SOMETHING was amiss, but weren’t really able to nail down the exact feeling until, well… They started considering transitioning.

Silentiea , 5 days ago

So often, you’ll hear trans people say they always knew. I think that’s both the case, and a bit off. My guess is that they’ve always had a feeling SOMETHING was amiss, but weren’t really able to nail down the exact feeling until, well… They started considering transitioning.

That’s almost exactly what I was trying to say with my top level comment.

RegalPotoo , 6 days ago

I think there are few overlapping things here that are probably worth pulling apart. Keep in mind that all of these are spectrums, some people might experience these acutely, others mildly, others not at all.

• Gender non-comformance: having a preference for activities that are typically ascribed to or preferring to appear as the gender opposite to the one you present as - men who like wearing dresses and sewing, women who prefer having short cropped hair and playing rugby
• Transgender - a feeling that your sex (your biology) does not match up with your gender (do you consider yourself to be a man or a woman?). Gender is a really complex thing and is pretty strongly informed by society - what were you taught “man” and “woman” means beyond just sex. For some people this disconnect can be dysphoric, and it quite often overlaps with gender non-comformance
• Transition - changing your gender presentation to be different from your sex. This can be small things - changing your hair style - to large changes such as getting legal recognition for a new name and gender identity or seeking medical interventions.

I guess my point is that there are plenty of people who engage in small non-conformances or who feel like their experience of being man doesn’t 100% line up with how society perceives men, and that’s valid, and is a trans experience, but doesn’t mean that they do or should feel like “trans” is a label or identity that applies to them. In the same way that you can understand that you are a little bit bi, without that being a significant part of your identity

OpenStars , 6 days ago

Excellent breakdown imho.:-)

OneWomanCreamTeam , 5 days ago

There is no realizing that you’ll turn out trans, because by realizing that you are realizing that you are trans.

EleventhHour , 6 days ago

For instance, I dance a lot. I have even started ballet dancing. And in the past I had an eating disorder. Now I know this may sound a kind of bigoted or stereotypical. But I don’t mean it that way, this is purely based on statistics.

these things do make not a person LGBTQ+

However I feel in no way that I am in the wrong body. I like being a man, I like the idea of masculinity

this seems to be pretty much the qualifying criterion, and, to this, I’d ay no, you’re (very probably) not trans.

But it makes me “worried” if I do end up tran

people are born LGBTQ+ and typically know it all their lives. From you descriptions, it seems like you might just be Bi. Enjoying “non-masculine” activities doesn’t really mean anything in and of itself. Being LGBTQ+ isn’t something one “ends up as”-- it’s something we always have been.

when I already have a wife and children

and so what? sure, there may be some adjustments for them to make, but, unless they’re transphobes, it shouldn’t be a problem.

Resol , 5 days ago

You can’t BECOME trans, you only find out that you are trans, and come out as such as a result.

Silentiea , 4 days ago

I like “realize”. I knew there was such a thing as a “sex change surgery” and even looked into it from a technical perspective because it intrigued me. It’s fantasized about moving to a new city and getting one; starting over.

I’d heard an offhand version of David Reimer’s story as kind of a conservative horror story. I’d seen movies and tv shows make plenty of fun of people who “pretended” to be “the wrong sex”. Monty Python’s “lady penis” scene still pops into my head sometimes.

I knew trans people existed and I’d seen a couple of people with “they/them” on their name badge. But I never really put together that those things were “real” in a meaningful way, or applicable to me and my experiences.

So then I kind of realized what it all meant.

Resol , 4 days ago

I was transphobic myself (living in a transphobic country my whole life kinda influenced my younger self), but once I knew exactly what being trans was all about, I immediately became a trans ally. Hell, I don’t even conform to my own gender (I am male).

ealoe , 5 days ago

I think the term you might identify with more is “gender nonconforming” meaning you enjoy things that are not traditionally associated with your gender, but you’re happy with your gender and body the way they are. If you felt dysphoric/uncomfortable with your body that would be more trans. Hope that helps, whatever you choose to label it doesn’t matter too much just be what makes you most comfortable!

surewhynotlem , 6 days ago

IANA trans person.

From what I’ve heard, a big factor is body dysmorphia. Do you look at your chest and think it’d feel more right with boobs on it? Does the idea of facial hair seem like it could never be “you”?

You don’t have to be all man all the time. You can like feminine things. That doesn’t mean you’re actually a woman. There’s plenty of shades of grey.

Duke_Nukem_1990 , 6 days ago (edited 6 days ago)

Nitpick: it’s body dysphoria, not dysmorphia. The latter makes you actively see your body differently from what it is.

surewhynotlem , 6 days ago

Thanks! I didn’t realize there were two different words.

Pacattack57 , 6 days ago

I could be wrong but I believe they’ve always known to some degree. They just didn’t understand it early in life.

Sasha , 6 days ago

That’s sort of my experience, but I’ll also add that if you don’t know that being trans is a thing then it’s possible to just not recognise what it is or that you can do something about it.

Laurentide , 5 days ago

This was my experience. I was raised in a very conservative, very religious community where I was never exposed to the concept of transness. I was fully convinced that I was a boy and could never be anything but a boy. And yet, I could tell I was different from the other boys.

As I got older, that feeling turned into an ever-present sensation of wrongness. My body felt tainted, somehow. Unclean. Contaminated. It possessed an inherent grossness that could never be washed away. I lived with that feeling every day for 25 years. No medication, no counseling, no hard work ever did anything to alleviate it or the severe depression that was my typical mental state. Then a bunch of things happened all at once, and I started questioning my gender. A few days later I shaved off my beard and rediscovered what joy feels like. That’s when I knew.

I was never a boy.

Sasha , 5 days ago

I’m so sorry that you had such a horrible journey, but I’m so proud of you for making it this far

Laurentide , 5 days ago

Thank you. It doesn’t feel like I’ve done much journeying, as I was essentially trapped in emotional stasis for most of my life and circumstances have so far prevented me from doing anything with my newfound knowledge, but at least I know which way is forward now.

Sasha , 5 days ago

Yeah, fair enough. Best of luck, you deserve happiness and I’m rooting for you

toomanypancakes , 6 days ago

I changed my gender at around 25 because I had significant issues with my voice, my body, and my genitals that caused me significant distress and interfered with my life, but they were present and ever increasing pretty much since I hit puberty. I knew something was wrong from an earlyish age, and dealt with it pretty much just when my husband was okay with it. I’d always envied women for their natural sex characteristics, and if I didn’t get a negative reaction when I came out as a teenager I would have transitioned much earlier.

I think if you’re happy in your body’s secondary sex characteristics, you probably don’t have to worry about being trans. From what you’ve said here, it sounds to me like you probably aren’t.

Forester , 6 days ago

If you would be totally happy and excited by the possibility of not having a penis and instead having a vagina then you’re probably trans. If, however, that idea horrifies you. Congratulations! You’re probably not trans. It’s basically that simple but with a few more steps.

Sincerely a Bisexual cisgender furry with many gay pan and trans friends

EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted , 6 days ago

Not necessarily. There are plenty of trans women out there who are 100% fine with having a penis and have absolutely no desire to have bottom surgery.

Same with trans men and vaginas.

As well as with nonbinary people and whatever genitals they had when born.

Being trans isn’t about your genitals; it’s about how you feel at a fundamental level.

Forester , 6 days ago

You are correct but I’m going for much broader strokes.

EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted , 6 days ago

I suppose that’s fair enough. 👍

I just didn’t want someone to get the wrong impression, that’s all. :)

Forester , 6 days ago

Doors open everyone who is tolerant of others is welcome

EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted , 6 days ago

?

howrar , 6 days ago

How would you interpret it if you’re neutral towards the idea? Like, it would be an inconvenience to have to learn how to handle new bits, but otherwise, life just goes on as usual.

Forester , 6 days ago

This is not my forte. I’m pretty sure you would fall under the definition of an egg or non binary. Personally I would think it would be super cool to experience the other side of things for an hour or two but I DO NOT want any type of long term change myself.

match , 6 days ago

did you ever have a point in your childhood/teenaged years where you thought it was stupid that people worked so hard to present masculine/feminine, or even a “transphobic” period in your life where you thought it was ridiculous that trans people would go through so much effort just to become their gender?

howrar , 6 days ago

I may have been too autistic for this. I don’t think I had any understanding of what masculine/feminine even meant until my mid 20s.

match , 5 days ago

Well, I will relate that I am also too autistic for this gender shit and currently identify as nonbinary (more specifically, agender).

match , 6 days ago

i swear I’ve met cis men who wish they were trans men with vaginas though, and those cis men still want to be men so it’s hard to class them as trans or even nonbiney

xmunk , 6 days ago

If you have a partner it’s the less likely outcome that they’ll reject your new gender identity. Gender is a spectrum and we’re all a lot more interesting than just what our gender is anyways. Someone who was attracted to you was attracted to a lot more than just your gender expression so, on the whole, rather little about you is changing when you come out as trans.

I am not trans so I can’t talk to that realization but I am non-conforming and coming into that identity was mostly a relief. I had to cloak a lot and found myself pretty distinct from a lot of the stereotypes about men - I was married at the time and my partner didn’t bat an eye.

Balinares , 6 days ago

Vast question. Finding out who you are is a lifelong process.

My thought: “male” and “female” are, in fact, abstract ideas, simple labels that each imperfectly, awkwardly covers entire, partially overlapping universes of complexity. And in practical reality, no one is all the way in either universe to the entire exclusion of the other.

So perhaps you are fine in a masculine body enjoying feminine-coded traits and activities. Perhaps the body shape that you would like to see in the mirror fluctuates with time or with your mood. Perhaps you are fine with your genitals but would like to have breasts, or perhaps you are fine with your chest but are thrilled by the idea of a vulva between your legs. Perhaps you would love the way you look and feel in a skirt and high socks. Perhaps you just thrive socializing and belonging in groups of women. Perhaps – likely – none of the above, but something else, something lovely I can’t even begin to imagine. Only you can find out.

Ultimately all labels are, to some extent, bullshit. Each human is a rich multitude that defies naming and containment. I hope you love whatever it is you end up finding out are.

FiniteBanjo , 6 days ago

If it matters to you then you’ll know. If it doesn’t matter to you, then find another interesting facet of life to fixate on.

db2 , 6 days ago

A lot of people, myself included, won’t really understand because we don’t have that feeling of being in the wrong kind of body. People who genuinely feel that way deserve all the help they need to make it right.

IMO though if you’re doing it for pretty much any other reason then it’s just a mental disorder or even a fetish, and it’s detracting from the people who actually have a need.

Which category do you fall under?

Laurentide , 5 days ago

If you feel like a man, like being a man, and enjoy having man parts, you’re probably a man. Your interests are not your gender, and dancing isn’t exclusive to women. Even ballet has male dancers.

Still, a little bit of exploration never hurt anybody. If you are trans, if living as another gender would make you much happier, wouldn’t you want to know sooner rather than later? And if you aren’t trans, you might still learn a thing or two about yourself that you never would have discovered otherwise. Most people go their whole lives without ever questioning their gender or closely examining what it means to them, and I think they’re missing out. There is power in truly knowing yourself.

Do some thinking. Ask more questions. Not just to others, but to yourself as well. What do you like about being a man? Can you imagine not being one? How does that image make you feel? If you could instantly become anything, with no rules or consequences, what would you pick? Don’t shut anything down; there are no wrong answers. Allow yourself the freedom to explore.

It may help you to stop thinking in the binary terms that society imposes on us. Gender isn’t just a question of Male or Female; there are many different kinds of men and many different kinds of women. There is a large area in between where the two overlap and the lines get fuzzy, and even places that aren’t on the same spectrum at all. I myself am a demigirl. My gender identity is mostly female, but also a little bit male and a little bit something else. You don’t need to feel obligated to be what anyone else is.

As for how I found out, I’ve already posted that elsewhere in this thread. It looks like you’ve gotten a lot of answers from others as well. I wish you good luck in wherever this journey takes you.

Wilzax , 5 days ago

If you could instantly become anything, with no rules or consequences, what would you pick? Don’t shut anything down; there are no wrong answers. Allow yourself the freedom to explore.

What’s the point of imagining a change with no consequences? Isn’t that effectively the same as no change at all?

HereIAm , 5 days ago

I think they mean no consequences as in friends and family won’t have any upsetting reaction, work will still be the same, and so on. Like picking male or female in a game, it rarely matters what you pick, the game just rolls with it.

Laurentide , 5 days ago

Yes, I meant no negative or unintended consequences.

Silentiea , 5 days ago

I agree with the other replies too, but also yes. The hardest thing for some people to understand about my transition is that I don’t want to be a different person than I was before. I’m not trying to change who I am. I just want to live who I have always been where people can see it in a way they couldn’t before.