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problematicPanther ,
@problematicPanther@lemmy.world avatar

didn’t the amish already win, and that’s why the mormons had to leave and go out west?

UnderpantsWeevil ,
@UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world avatar

I know not how we will fight WW3, but WW4 will be fought with magic underwear and beards with no mustache.

No_Eponym ,
@No_Eponym@lemmy.ca avatar

The Battle of Hyrums.

jimbolauski ,

After the trade embargo, the mormans will run out of furniture. They’ll have no tables to eat from, no chairs to sit on, no beds to sleep on. After a month the mormans will be exhausted and starving and ready to topple over with a single flick.

verity_kindle ,

Ready to topple over with a single flick, unlike a fine Amish bench. No cushions, please, there’s a war on!

HelixDab2 ,

You haven’t seen the deep stores of folding tables and chairs that they have in the cultural halls (aka gymnasiums) at their local wards and stake centers. They have ten high-quality steel folding chairs for every member that shows up each week.

abbiistabbii ,
@abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

The Amish are pacifists and the Mormons have been involved in several wars so my bet is on the Mormons.

tinfoilhat ,

I’d fight alongside the Amish because they make nice ass furniture. I’ll control the drones while they reload their muskets.

someguy3 ,

I don’t think Mormons have shunned tech, have they? So Mormons.

Also

Regions with significant populations United States 6,868,793[2] Mexico 1,516,406[3] Brazil 1,494,571[4] Philippines 867,271[5] Peru 637,180[6] Chile 607,583[7] Argentina 481,518[8] Guatemala 290,068[9]

I had no idea it was so prevalent outside of the US.

ASeriesOfPoorChoices ,

and what, only 600,000 allowed into heaven?

ArcaneSlime ,

Mormons hands down, they’re more strapped than you think and have no compunction against modern weapons whereas afaik the amish probably stop somewhere before the 1900s. Plus they could maybe convert some of the Amish (wololo), they’re good at that and the Amish don’t bother.

captainlezbian ,

The Amish are strict pacifists (except in regards to domestic violence) so they can’t even have a sword

ArcaneSlime ,

Yeah they’d get smoked in less than a week lol. TIL

carl_dungeon ,

I’ll take the Amish, they’re humanity’s insurance policy.

turtlepower , (edited )

Yes, because in-breeding and rape are a great insurance policy…

Edit: For the idiots downvoting— The Amish have a really, really big problem in their communities with these things, and try to sweep them under the rug, just like all religious fucks. Sorry you can’t handle truth and reality. And if you downvoted because you’re Amish…what the fuck are you doing online in the first place?

harrys_balzac ,

I think you’re confusing them with the FLDS and rural Mormons.

turtlepower ,

Can you read? We’re talking about Amish. Though the Mormons (regardless of offshoot or rogue denomination) have a history of rape and abuse, too. Religious fuckheads always do.

DudeImMacGyver ,
@DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works avatar

Amish in a sweep, their toughness outweighs mormon tech advantages and let’s not forget their Mennonite buddies.

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

Fuck can they run, once

Mango ,

If bloodlusted, Amish easily. They’re tougher than the nails they’re holding their barns up with, and not prone to complaining. In reality though, they’re big softies. They won’t even participate in haggling unless a deal is hurting them. Watching my mom haggle with an Amish dude for dog studding service is easily the most cringe moment of my life. I had to make her greedy ass stop!

Bakkoda ,

I buy my black locust/larch for raised beds from Amish/Mennonites (Fort Plain/Fonda area upstate NY) and it’s so cheap when i round up to “tip” they are almost offended and very confused. It’s hilarious to me and i hope they understand but I’m gonna tip them and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Mango ,

They really deserve better than they’re asking for. Amish are generally really good people.

AllNewTypeFace ,
@AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space avatar

If the Amish can somehow detonate a large enough EMP, they’re in with a chance.

ricecake ,

I had to look up the motivation for their beliefs, and now I know a touch more about the Amish.

It’s not about avoiding technology, it’s about avoiding undesired influences on their culture.

As such, I think that a non-violent (they’re a pacifist order) but entirely crippling tool to anyone with a dependence on technology would be perfectly acceptable.

Many orders accept batteries but not connection to the power grid. I have to believe that would extend to capacitor banks, particularly since capacitors predate when the Amish started to eschew technology and not just outsiders.

So it’s gonna be a race to get people into town to buy every super capacitor from every store they can get to, and then get them charging from the windmills.

The Mormons will easily show up before they finish, but with any luck the mutual “hey, hello! Welcome!” picnic and potluck, sharing of hot dishes, and general friendly meet and greet will go on long enough to charge the device and render modern technology obsolete for thousands of miles around them.

AllNewTypeFace ,
@AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space avatar

The Mormons have a culture of anthropological scholarship, a byproduct of their missionary programme and (to a lesser extent) of disproportionately many Mormons working as intelligence analysts. As such, it’s not implausible that they might see through such a ruse.

It may do the Amish well to start quietly hoarding supercapacitors as soon as Amish-Mormon relations start souring. Or even before: one could make a case for a preprepared EMP bomb being the Amish equivalent of a nuclear deterrent against any potential aggressors.

ricecake ,

I’d definitely agree that the Amish would be well served seeking enhanced second or even first strike EMP capabilities.

I don’t think the picnic would be taken as a ruse however, only as an unavoidable preamble to any group interaction. My, admittedly limited, interactions with Mormons led me to believe they also have a cultural weakness for the potluck.
So less a ruse, and more of an ambrosia and corn themed version of 1700s troops lining up before battle.

verity_kindle ,

Potluck coma is so dangerous, the pitchforks will be coming out from under the table and no one will care.

Sterile_Technique ,
@Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world avatar

Anyone got $7? This question is actually testable.

itslilith ,
@itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Mormons, it will be a short war but a long and bloody flight, and some Amish resistance cells will operate for decades after

negativenull ,
@negativenull@lemmy.world avatar

Mormons would unleash their MLM army against the Amish and try to bankrupt them.

silkroadtraveler ,

This is the most accurate and funniest take here! An army of wellness advocates will descend on the Amish and unleash a flood of irresistible essential oils

wieson ,

Oh, but the vanity!

Now, we don’t want to be vain, do we, Agnes?

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

The Amish would win but only once

verity_kindle ,

Hey. What happened to Semi-Hemi-DEMIgod? Do you have a top hat, goatee and mustache, but otherwise look exactly like him? Explain yourself! Don’t make me call my barnraisers.

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

Kbin is still down :( This is my alt

verity_kindle ,

Oh, ok. Glad you found a way back here to be weird with us.

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