Satan won’t be catching anything. He’s going to be chilling on the sidelines with us as we get front-row seats to Jesus getting his ass beat by a Bible thumper who is mad about Jesus not voting for Trump.
This version from the gospel of John is far more interesting than the others, what with all the whipping.
And not just any whip: Jesus made it from a leather thong from his own sandal, switches (small, thin branches) from a nearby tree, and broken pieces of pottery on the ground! That’s a very nasty whip!