Just imagine how much a child costs right now. Now imagine how much college tuition will increase in 18 years. Unless you’re rich, you’re fucking your life up.
My mom’s advice has helped me a lot in my decision. She’s a mother of 5, definitely wanted to be a mother and is very fulfilled by it. Parenting was her great joy, and she was/is great at it.
You and your husband should both be about 80% sure you want kids. Any less and it verges on not worth it. Kids take everything you have. If you want them, you are so happy to give them everything. If you want kids 100% (no fear or hesitation about being ready) than you’re underestimating how important and difficult a decision it is. A good parent does hesitate and consider if they’re ready!
I am 7 months pregnant and I was also terrified to give birth! I’m coming around now, and feeling more ready. At some point, it’s easier to go through 1-2 days of pain and just get them out. Honestly I recommend not researching it too in depth until after you make your decision, because it’s like the smallest part of the process. Pregnancy is like a year, birth is one day, and then they’re your kid forever.
After battling with fertility for years, we were close to accepting to be child free and gave it a final try. So now I’m a 40+ parent.
I would have preferred to be in my 20s or 30s instead of 40s because the first several years children costs sleep and energy and when I look back my younger body would have handled it much better.
So my suggestion is: Make the choice sooner rather than later.
People say when you become a parent, you dont have time to do the things you want to do anymore.
I suggest that you still do what you want to do, but the things you want to do change.
I still enjoy going to concerts, and hitting the bar scene with friends, but now I also like teaching my kid how to do things and watching him figure things out.
Yes they start out as crying poop machines, but they get much more interesting than that.
To give you an actual resource: The Baby Decision by Merle Bombardieri. She's a social worker and therapist that specializes in this exact issue.
The book is fantastic. It guides you through thought exercises and different considerations about having kids. I want to stress that she does not try to convince you to have a kid. She just helps you make an informed decision.
Becoming a biological parent means you’re causing on average 58.6 tonnes of CO2e released per year for having that kid (it’s an order of magnitude worse in rich countries). Wynes et al. 2017
By becoming a biological parent, you’re contributing to the biggest and root cause of making the world unlivable due to anthropogenic climate change.
I think people tend to know if they want kids or not. Reading isn’t going to help you that much.
Most children aren’t like that 90%+ of the time. I have 4 and only one really throws tantrums and that’s usually after a long day out and they’re over tired.
Having children can be one of the most amazing things you do with your life, if you want them ofc. It’s really hard to explain just how amazing it is.
You miss out on a load of experiences for sure, but you also get a huge amount of experiences that you wouldn’t otherwise.
Personally I didn’t make the choice. A drunk night in my 20s did lol but I’m super happy with it.
I have 2 kids and I cannot see myself without them anymore. However, they were a conscious and thought out choice I discussed with my partner.
With all of that said, having kids is hard, even when everything is going well. You are not the master of schedule for 10+ years and a lot of extra responsibilities are added to your life that you cannot ignore.
You miss out on a lot of experiences by not having kids, but that’s the same thing for having kids. You can do whatever you want whenever you want.
On average, non-parents tend to be less stressed and either happier or just as happy as parents. You asked for an article, this one mostly focuses on the facts except the opinionated bit at the end.
I just knew it would make me miserable to have to be a responsible person every day for someone else’s sake. I live in chaos and I’ve made my peace with fucking my own life, but if a kid was in the picture I would step up, but I would hate every moment of it.
I postponed the decision because I was afraid I might regret not having children (despite never having wanted them). Once I realized I would also definitely and repeatedly encounter feelings of regret for HAVING children if I did get them, I accepted that I shouldn’t build my life around the fear of maybe having negative feelings. After that, it was smooth sailing through vasectomy and a childfree middle age.
For the record: I haven’t regretted the decision, not once.
That’s terrible advice. A C-section is a major abdominal surgery, where you can’t do much after, and for weeks. (This includes a carry limit of less than baby plus car seat)
Truly, if birthing is a problem, adopt. But if children are the problem, then maybe it’s not for you.
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