How do you handle being upset about something online?

scorpious , 9 months ago

Try to notice why I find it so upsetting, and see if I can unpack and defuse it.

pinkwerdo , 9 months ago

'Murica bad people

Sombyr , 9 months ago

I don’t do anything. I’m the kind to completely forget about it minutes after I close whatever I was looking at. If it’s a stupid enough thing that made me angry enough, sometimes I’ll vent about it to my wife, and usually get the response of “Why do you care what a random person online you’ll never meet thinks?” but I’ve gotten that response enough for it to have really sunk in to the point where I really don’t care 99% of the time. I don’t really debate online anymore either for that reason. The most I might do is nudge somebody in the right direction if I suspect their opinion is simply based on a lack of information, but if that fails I tend to just delete my reply and move on so I’m not bothered by it again.

riley0 , 9 months ago

Dumbasses posting stupid shit don’t read sourced or reasoned comments. They just fling more poo. Walk away.

Pratai , 9 months ago

I start by not getting bothered by stupid shit said by people I don’t know and don’t care about. Only people that I know and respect have the capacity to hurt me in any way.

CaptainBlagbird , 9 months ago

I write a long comment and then don’t send it.

Usually after typing everything out and reading it back, I have cooled enough to think it’s mediocre at best and the other person doesn’t deserve so much of my time wasted anyway (which already happened of course, but they don’t need to know that 😅).

DeltaTangoLima , 9 months ago

Yep, this works for me too.

As you said, taking the time to write down your thoughts, read them back, proofread, etc, gives you time to cool off. When you’re calmer, you’re better able to engage your critical thinking skills, and that’s usually when you realise the person isn’t worth it or they may have a legitimate reason for thinking differently than you.

Sometimes I react adversely, but intentionally so, when I feel a point needs to be made. I had one person take it badly that I use dark mode and a particular screenshot I posted wasn’t suitable for people with vision impairment. I took that opportunity to point out that, rather than playing the victim, they could just ask nicely. On the internet, just about all disabilities are invisible.

val , 9 months ago

I don’t think it’s stupid to have a reaction to stuff that happens online, but the trick is to not get baited into investing even more into whatever it is if there is no likely resolution. It’s kind of vibes based, but sometimes you get someone who you can just tell is a bit unhinged and will never stop posting at you no matter how much they are embarrassing themselves. So I distance myself from whatever it is. Maybe just turn of notifications, other times I need to unbookmark the site to stay away or sometimes I just delete my account and move on entirely.

I’ll also often preemptively disable notifications if I think a take is going to attract weirdos.

bonus points for not answering ‘go outside drink water read a book’ etc etc

I mean I hate to say it but these are still honest, good answers even if you’ve heard them before. Sometimes you just have to touch some grass.

cheery_coffee , 9 months ago

Nowadays I leave. I’ll argue a little but there’s a point where you know neither of you are going to change your mind and you’re both just angry.

Taking a walk doesn’t help as I just stew, so I need to actually go do something to distract myself.

pH3ra , 9 months ago

As soon as someone starts engaging with me in a rude way online, I respond with one single “hey let’s chill out” or “we can disagree peacefully” kind of comment. That gives them a chance to stop being confrontational.
If they burn that chance I either disengage or troll you into the abyss (depends by how much free time I have in that moment) because I know that arguing with angry people is useless.

Uluganda , 9 months ago

Turn your notification off and do something else. It could be anything, the better version would be go outside and talk to other people.

However, just watching Youtube video from someone you like, still works. At the end of the day, online argument is not a real argument.

cryptosporidium140 , 9 months ago

deleted_by_author

Uluganda , 9 months ago

It’s the default, unfortunately. Most if not all Android phones come with Google Service pre-installed and any app can use the notification before Android 13.

dotslashme , 9 months ago

Look, we’re human, things upset us - what matters is how you handle being upset, not the fact that you do get upset.

Personally, I have a few rules to help me

• don’t check notifications or social media right before bed.
• if a reply or statement upsets me, I will put away my phone for as long as it takes me to process my feelings and see the comment in a more neutral light.

JackbyDev , 9 months ago

The first step for me was realizing that this stuff made me angry and unhappy. Rather than viewing this as something I need to exercise my anger on I view it as something I need to avoid so I don’t get angry. Using the block feature really helped a lot.

Smokeydope , 9 months ago

Very often I will be baited into arguing with a stranger on Lemmy here. Whenever someone gets under my skin I do my best to ignore them and step away from the PC and phone for a few hours and go smoke some pot. I have wasted enough time in my life arguing with strangers over differences in opinion. Too many trolls, mentally unwell people, and political extremist, all of which love to argue and are not interested in a meaningful exchange of ideas. At best they want to be ‘right’ and argue till their blue in the face, at worst they just want to waste my time and fuck with me.

Now I just let them say their piece and be done with it, to get along with my day in a positive way. And starves them of the interaction they want.

Cracks_InTheWalls , 9 months ago

"bonus points for not answering ‘go outside drink water read a book’ etc etc’

Erm, well, the very first thing I suggest is going outside for a bit. A walk can do wonders.

But this is one part of a general strategy, really - when you are upset by something online, make a little space between yourself and the conversation, reflect on why it upsets you, and decide if it’s worth continuing to engage.

If it is, try to be as even-handed in your responses as possible. I find deliberately trying to tone down my own rhetoric makes me feel better - if I’m using super emotional language, all I’m doing is ratcheting up my own pissed-off-o-meter. I have a better experience trying to discuss something in good faith with a fellow human, even if they’re wrong or just being an asshole for the sake of it. Try to make a space for the other human to have a real discussion. Either it will become a good conversation, and might expose you or the other person to viewpoints you haven’t considered, or it will become clear that it’s not worth your time to continue.

If it’s not worth your time (either upon initial reflection or upon fresh evidence), just stop. Nothing good will come of continuing to go at it. Look at or do stuff that carries value for yourself instead.

hsl , 9 months ago

Walk away and take a breath.

Also, will this really matter to me:

• Tomorrow?
• In a week?
• In a month?
• In a year?

That helps to put challenging situations into perspective.