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What does the fear of being judged by others hold you back from doing that you would otherwise do?

To be fair I still do these things but only when I’m alone.

Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.

Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb.

Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.

shinigamiookamiryuu ,

Where do I start with this one? I have so much to circumventing I would have to do if I want to be myself, and that’s not really anyone’s fault either (so nothing with a solution). The last thing you mentioned is a fairly good example, I’m locked in certain aesthetics. I can’t unpack myself in someone’s presence much of the time. I can’t communicate without fear of messing up. I can’t hypothetically hone certain things I arguably should’ve honed. I could list these things. I do try going against this pattern and only a few things worked out.

PipedLinkBot ,

Here is an alternative Piped link(s): piped.video/watch?v=r0MJf-d_JJY

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I’m open-source, check me out at GitHub.

shinigamiookamiryuu ,

Thanks, bot friend.

Tiritibambix ,
@Tiritibambix@lemmy.ml avatar

I do whatever the fuck I want, unless it is unpolite or could hurt somebody’s freedom.

I learnt that, as I don’t give a shit about what people are doing, they must also don’t give a shit either. People just care about themselves most of the time. The day I realized that, I had a strong freedom feeling.

Having kids multiplied this attitude by 1000 and actually, I see people smiling and interacting with us while we’re fooling around.

GO PLAY WITH FUCKING PUDDLES WEARING PINK PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD MY DUDE ! I might join you.

homoludens ,

Ideally yes. But as a guy I have been insulted in public for small things like wearing nail polish, and that’s in a liberal German city. Most people don’t care, some don’t like it, some compliment it and some make me feel unsafe.

And that of course has an effect in other areas too: what if my boss or my coworkers don’t like me wearing nail polish? They would never be open about it (our company would not allow it), but it might lead to some bias against me. And as they wouldn’t be open about it, I couldn’t react to it (by calling them out or changing jobs). Instead I might just advance more slowly and wonder why that is. It really fucks with your mind, when you know there is bias against you (or something you do) but you never know in which situations it actually comes into play.

I still wear nail polish most of the time, because fuck the haters and we need to make progress somehow, but it’s not as easy as “I don’t care about them so they don’t care about me”.

Tiritibambix ,
@Tiritibambix@lemmy.ml avatar

I got you. Of course it’s easier said than done. But you got to be nuanced and able to read the room. Maybe think ahead to avoid being in trouble (work, edgy neighborhoods).

But in the end, you must not care. Even insults. Insults have the value only you give to them.

Take care ♥️

RubiksIsocahedron ,

Function.

But it’s not so much the fear of judgement, but the fear of the absurdly unjust punishment people will level on me for even the most innocuous action, because they just love abusing people.

OnopordumAcanthium ,
@OnopordumAcanthium@lemmy.ml avatar

Farting in public. My friends got the view that it’s only a natural thing to do, so when we’re together we just do it without judging each other. The majority of people don’t think like it, i guess most find it digusting or take it as a reason to mock you. I don’t understand how we ended up like that. Guess humanity still has to grow up a little more :D

radix ,
@radix@lemm.ee avatar

I used to find it funny and do it around friends/family, but more recently the smell has been far more disgusting to me and I have to put on an N95 or leave the room. It’s unfortunate that I have a lost a source of such jollity and mirth.

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

It’s actually a very easy way to get other people sick, unfortunately.

OnopordumAcanthium ,
@OnopordumAcanthium@lemmy.ml avatar

What do you mean by sick, like infections?

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

I know viruses spread very well. Covid for instance

People get viruses like RSV + spread so much and they don’t even know

OnopordumAcanthium ,
@OnopordumAcanthium@lemmy.ml avatar

But not by farts… That’s a bit far fetched imo

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

Do you need a link?

Why is that more far fetched than sneezes? It’s wet airborne biological matter you expel from your body.

Why do you think people’s natural reaction to farts is digust? Is that something people should be breathing in? Especially in an enclosed environment with such bad ventilation you have to inhale ass exhalations?

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

Yea they do spread by farts. I’m saying I’m not as sure about bacteria.

Lmaydev ,

He asked a colleague to break wind directly onto two Petri dishes from a distance of 5 centimeters, first fully clothed, then with his trousers down. Then he observed what happened. Overnight, the second Petri dish sprouted visible lumps of two types of bacteria that are usually found only in the gut and on the skin. But the flatus which had passed through clothing caused no bacteria to sprout, which suggests that clothing acts as a filter.

Well I’ll be damned!

Just keep your pants on I guess.

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

Viruses can go thru pants, for sure.

Lmaydev ,

In a lengthy and seemingly humorous yet serious article on its WeChat account, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) of Tongzhou district in Beijing clarified that farts, normally, do not constitute another transmission route of COVID-19, unless someone takes a good and rather close sniff of gas from a pantless patient.

Seems not.

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

You know what? I was arguing in bad faith. But now I know you want to fart on people.

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@kbin.cafe avatar

This was the most hilarious discussion I've ever witnessed on the internet, especially because you guys included links and quoted the article better than another "more serious" arguments I've seen.

MORTARS ,
@MORTARS@lemmy.ml avatar

I’m flattered thank you. I’ve enjoyed my time on lemmy immensely so far.

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@kbin.cafe avatar

This is a good one, but I think it's not all shame. Concealing farts in public is a game of skill. You must consider how to position your body so that no sound is made. How quiet is the area you're in? Are there others around who could conceal the true farter? Are you able to discreetly move to another location so that by the time the smell arrives you're no longer a suspect?

You also take into account your last eaten foods and recent farts and how they may result in large smell or sometimes no smell. It's a big game of strategy and execution to be a covert farter.

toastus ,

Doing crime.

DharmaCurious ,
@DharmaCurious@startrek.website avatar

deleted_by_author

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  • toastus ,

    Do what’s best for you.
    That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to transition.

    But the people who really care about you will accept you either way.

    You are worthy of love.

    Duke_Nukem_1990 ,

    I see you, you are valid and you are worth it <3

    all-knight-party ,
    @all-knight-party@kbin.cafe avatar

    I sympathize with that. I work with two ftm trans and even though they pass pretty well you just know not everyone is going to let that go and they probably have to deal with people giving them weird looks, or even obviously looking for too long trying to guess at what gender they are.

    And even when you have friends that understand and love you people can misgender accidentally by no malicious fault of their own, and even apologizing and working on that doesn't make it any less awkward and a call to attention. It's an every day difficulty in a lot of ways, especially in public.

    henfredemars ,

    I’ve always been such a child at heart and my soul is bursting with whimsical energy when I see kids playing pretend at the playground next to where I walk my dogs. I’d love to play pretend with them, encourage the children to really let their imaginations run wild and free. I was often lost in my own world as child. I know what it’s like to be so consumed by it. I want to fight the robot king, too!

    I’m an adult male however. I would definitely look like a child predator, so I must go on my way.

    humanfactor ,

    To all of you guys who enjoy playing pretend, I want to suggest to try playing improv theater. There are often beginner courses and its a kind of slightly guided cooperative make believe. My personal recommendation: try long form Impro and not just short form (which I learned to be the goofier of the two). For me it was very freeing to find an outlet for this stuff where it’s suddenly even cool.

    christophski ,

    Join a local theatre group

    cubedsteaks ,

    maybe look into LARPing too.

    Monster96 ,

    Basically everything. Telling a joke that I love. Showing excitement for something I love. Doing my silly voices; especially my batman and girl voice. Taking my shirt off. And so much more. Damn social anxiety and confidence issues.

    Mothra ,
    @Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

    Having a friend that randomly speaks like batman (or a girl too, but batman) sounds like a lot of fun!

    Monster96 ,

    The batman voice makes me break out in a coughing fit but I guess so haha

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Being able to do both a batman and a girl voice is pretty damn cool. Silly voices in general are my jam, I love doing Stitch impressions

    Monster96 ,

    I used to be able to do a perfect Stitch impression before my voice dropped. Now I just sound like Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy haha

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Somehow, I was only able to do it after my voice dropped. No idea how that works

    Monster96 ,

    I envy you

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    I envy you, for the girl voice

    Monster96 ,

    Ha, it just takes practice. You’ll get it

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    I shouldn’t complain since I never really tried. So yeah, practice, I guess. Apparently, you need to keep your larynx up high?

    Monster96 ,

    The best way I can describe it is by using the back of your tongue to compress the beck of your throat. Kind of like just before you cough. Holding it in that position is how I do the girl voice

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Okay, now I just need everyone at home to leave, so I can try it in peace

    Monster96 ,

    Do it while driving by yourself. That’s the best time to practice

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Good point. Being alone in the car doesn’t happen very often though.

    Ah, what the hell, doesn’t matter. If I do a Stitch voice and a turkey impression in front of everyone, I should be able to do that too.

    Monster96 ,

    It’s just takes practice, you’ll get there. I’m sure of it

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    I hope so

    thelsim ,
    @thelsim@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Silly voices are the best, they’ll always enjoyed by your (future) kids/nieces/nephews/etc.
    Keep practicing your craft, you’ll find an appreciative audience sooner or later :)

    miss_brainfart , (edited )
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Pretty much that last paragraph of yours.

    I don’t care if people see me as childish, weird, or even dumb. I do lots of things that make me seem all of those things.

    But that makes me hesitate for some reason.

    I did open up about it to some friends I was sure wouldn’t judge, and it helped a lot.

    OnopordumAcanthium ,
    @OnopordumAcanthium@lemmy.ml avatar

    May i ask what kind of clothes you mean?

    miss_brainfart , (edited )
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Skirts, dresses, thigh highs, crop tops, and just generally the womens section of the clothing store. So many items there that are a lot more interesting than what the mens section has to offer.

    OnopordumAcanthium ,
    @OnopordumAcanthium@lemmy.ml avatar

    Never thought of that before, but you’re right. Way bigger variety of stuff

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Right? Women have like twenty different types of tops in all the shapes and cuts imaginable

    floppy ,
    @floppy@rabbitea.rs avatar

    And colours! So many colours.

    The material’s always nicer too.

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Seriously, if I wear one more sandpaper hoodie, I’m gonna cry

    all-knight-party ,
    @all-knight-party@kbin.cafe avatar

    That reminds me of men's haircuts. If you're sticking to traditional short hair you basically just walk in and go... Okay, how much longer do I want the top than the sides and do I want a fade or a hard line? And that's pretty much it.

    Going for longer hair as a guy just gives you so many more options.

    miss_brainfart , (edited )
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    I’m so annoyed by hair… I want to let mine grow so bad, but pollen/dustmite allergies and long hair is an awful combination

    all-knight-party ,
    @all-knight-party@kbin.cafe avatar

    It's definitely got a lot of caveats. For me, it is annoying to need to put my hair up every time I eat, otherwise I eat my hair. But I love the way it feels moving around and if you have any social anxiety it conceals your face when you look down, which can be helpful as an instant hideaway.

    But yes, it is definitely many times less manageable than short hair. However... I don't have bedhead ever!

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Feeling my hair in the wind was definitely the best thing about my short-lived long hair adventure, gotta say

    cubedsteaks ,

    just be sure not to pull your hair up too tight and you’re good

    cubedsteaks ,

    I really love that some guys look at women’s clothing and think “oh that’s more interesting”

    I totally agree. My wardrobe is gigantic cause there are so many things you can do.

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    More men should just wear whatever, tshirt and jeans is really getting boring, isn’t it.

    cubedsteaks ,

    Yes! I use to be a shirt and jeans person. Then one day I realized jeans made of denim aren’t all that comfy. And I could dress up more! And that actually there’s all kinds of stuff out there I can look good in.

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    I just need some of that confidence of yours, though. Maybe I’ll do a full dress-up on halloween first, so people don’t ask too much, because my god, do I not have the nerve for questions.

    cubedsteaks ,

    Halloween is the best time to try out dressing up!

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    Will definitely need someone to help with makeup, because if I do it, I’ll go all out.

    On that note, my inner excitement when thinking about going full femme speaks volumes

    cubedsteaks ,

    I didn’t really learn make up until late in life, like my late 20’s. But I only learned after watching several youtube videos and instagram too. I’d totally recommend just watching people put on make up and imitating what they do. It really is just painting your face by tracing the outlines of your bone structure.

    I’m always excited to be hyper femme lol

    miss_brainfart ,
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    I just want to thank you real quick for being so encouraging, it really means a lot to me.

    Talking about it like it’s the most normal thing in the world is still something I have trouble with, there’s probably lots of internalized stereotypes going around that head of mine.

    So thank you, really. It helps a lot.

    cubedsteaks ,

    No problem! I guess I have kind of ulterior motive though. I just like when guys are more interested in being femme in general. So of course I want to encourage it to be more normal.

    miss_brainfart , (edited )
    @miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

    You should. No reason to call it an ulteriour motive when people have expressed the interest themselves already

    Sometimes they just need a little nudge. Or a big one. Either way, keep doing what you do, you’re awesome

    cubedsteaks ,

    Thanks and I will!

    somethingsnappy ,

    Arm bands. I probably read or watched too much fantasy as a kid. For a while I braided leather arm bands and wore them. Mostly they were covered by whatever I was wearing. Then all the Brohs started getting arm band tattoos and it killed it for me. I recently said fuck it, and have a pounded metal arm band and I love it!

    Thorny_Thicket OP ,

    I’ve never heard that one before. Kinda get it though. I bought a surplus army jacket and the description said some of them come with Austrian army logo on the shoulder. Well mine did come with one and I like it though I’m somewhat worried someone might see that as cringe but I justify it by the fact that it was already there and I didn’t attach it.

    Gradually_Adjusting ,
    @Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world avatar

    I have an imp on my shoulder, lot of intrusive thoughts that are only funny to me. I pretend not to have them, and I’d rather just share whatever dog shit pops into my head. But I’m afraid I’d be committed.

    bob_wiley ,
    @bob_wiley@lemmy.world avatar

    deleted_by_author

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  • OnopordumAcanthium ,
    @OnopordumAcanthium@lemmy.ml avatar

    I also think that some people judge you negatively/mock you, so they can feel better about themselves. Literally belittle others so you feel superior

    Kissaki ,

    And if somebody judged in negatively, fuck em, they’re probably a miserable and projecting.

    Now that’s a harsh judgment.

    Mothra ,
    @Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

    I don’t pick my nose or fart in public. I don’t lick a plate or use the finger to scoop what’s on it if I’m in company. I also don’t phase out and daydream half as much in public, an exception would be on public transport as everyone is kind of gazing at nothing so it’s not obvious I’m in another dimension entirely.

    As for other things, no, I don’t have that kind of filter. I will occasionally stop and stare at that interesting pattern on a tile or leaf, follow closely with attention what the birds are doing, sniff if I sense an animal and see if I can find its trail (possums and rats usually) etc. I still build sandcastles at the beach and if the opportunity arises I’ll scribble on cardboard coasters or paper napkins.

    cubedsteaks ,

    it’s interesting you don’t daydream in public - I usually leave the house to daydream harder.

    Mothra ,
    @Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

    It’s easier to switch off my senses if I already know my surroundings. Also people who caught me daydreaming teased me afterwards about it, apparently my thousand yard stare and overall unresponsiveness it’s either concerning or hilarious to people.

    cubedsteaks ,

    That’s annoying! I always assume someone is just deep in thought but I don’t know why I’d give someone shit for thinking.

    Reminds me of people who like to say “its not that deep” all the time in response to questions that are meant to spark conversation. Like some people take pride in not using their brains or something.

    Mothra ,
    @Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

    Eh, no biggie! People do that when they don’t experience a similar behaviour themselves.

    As for the not that deep crowd, I always thought they’re either self conscious or fear touching a triggering topic. Refusing to engage means they won’t be judged on their opinions or ability to reason and express themselves. Trying to pass a cool is what gives away they’re trying to cover up something.

    cubedsteaks ,

    I think part of it is them being self conscious but I think it was also just seen as a “cool” way to behave like you said. I often saw this mentality on reddit of course and in various discord servers where people just couldn’t back up what they were saying - so someone else approaching them with an in depth take, just causes them to try and shut things down with “oh its not that deep”.

    Like its a very dismissive phrase meant to shut down conversation.

    stiephel ,

    Sounds like you’re still a kid at heart. I’ve got a 2yr old and I immensely enjoy playing these sorts of games with him. My wife always jokes that I’m using the sandbox more than him, she even snapped a couple of pics of me playing alone in there.

    What kind of clothes are you talking about? A skirt on a man is still pretty courageous, but if you’re talking about a pink shirt just go for it. You’ll not be judged.

    Thorny_Thicket OP ,

    What kind of clothes are you talking about?

    Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …

    I’m perfectly aware that it’s not that others care that’s holding me back but the fact that I care. Doesn’t make it any easier though.

    ekky43 ,

    Ayy, speedos gang! May others avert their eyes if they can’t handle me and all my sexiness, and may the rest of you, girls or guys, enjoy the eye candy.

    Regarding the original question, while I’m already running around in speedos, I absolutely wouldn’t mind some more colorful clothes, or perhaps some final fantasy/guild wars inspired clothing. Like those outer coats that go all the way to your shoes, but with decorations and stuff. But I feel that the included judging is a commitment I’m not ready for yet.

    cubedsteaks ,

    Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …

    There’s quite a few guys who dress like this where I live and I find they are often not single.

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