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What does the fear of being judged by others hold you back from doing that you would otherwise do?

To be fair I still do these things but only when I’m alone.

Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.

Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb.

Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.

pinkdrunkenelephants ,

Nothing. I truly do not give a fuck anymore.

The key is to accept there will be social consequences and to ignore them. Once people see the consequences they impose do not affect you, especially after they escalate which they will do at first, they’ll stop and accept your behavior.

Uvine_Umbra , (edited )
@Uvine_Umbra@partizle.com avatar

Travel the Caribbean & document my travels & the cultures & concerns of the people I meet with my own eyes

Why not? Well, I’m an actual idiot in reading social situations, Knowing who to trust, inferring details, attempting any meaningful level of reading comprehension on the spot, avoiding the urge to hyper focus on random stuff (makes people uncomfortable sometimes), trying to be humourous in terms of wordplay, and nowadays just avoiding social exhaustion.

Now with all that, imagine the amount of judgement & talking down to I’ve gotten just entering into social events or even bars.

A trip to the Caribbean to understand people?

Not happening lmao!!!

To those of you who can, you’re all blessed.

regalia , (edited )

I’m so scared to be seen, that I can’t even go for a walk. I also want to get skateboard, but I can’t for the same reason. I’m terrified to be seen alone, or just seen in general.

Yet despite this, somehow I’m the opposite of that and manage a bunch of girls with compete confidence. I also have to deal with a ton of customers and don’t even hesitate to say no or let them have negative judgement to me. I’m very socially competent and meet new people all the time without fear of rejection and opening up. I stand out and definitely stand out, in a good way.

Yet I’m scared of them simply watching me going for a walk outside??

Thorny_Thicket OP ,

Interesting. I’m not scared of being seen but I like to not be seen. I spend a lot of time in nature and I always wear only earth tones. I like it when other people pass me up close but fail to notice me. I wonder if it has something to do with my voyeuristic tendencies. I love to just sit in a cafe to and watch people passing by.

maniel ,
@maniel@lemmy.ml avatar

I’d seek help, don’t want to tell people what’s normal and what’s not, but that’s definitely a slight deviation from the norm and it’s not helpful to you

regalia ,

That’s what it’s like to have GAD

enthusiasticamoeba ,

Or being traumatized from being autistic and getting side eyes, snickers, giggles, eye rolls, scoffs, and bullying whenever you committed some social faux pas.

winter ,

I remember I couldn’t even use earphones on the street or on school because I thought people were going to look at me more, even thought everybody uses them

jivemasta ,

Wear a fanny pack/carry a non-backpack bag as a man.

It’s so convenient to have a bag full of stuff on you. Like I’m out and have a headache, boom Aspirin. At dinner and got some food in your teeth, bam flosser. It’s very satisfying when a situation comes up and you have the exact thing to solve a problem right there in your bag. But a backpack is too big and bulky and anything smaller becomes a purse and this looks down upon for a man to carry.

I only get the courage to wear it when on a trip where I can overly justify it. Like hiking, or a theme park or convention. I feel like if it was an everyday thing I’d have to explain it or hear about it more than I’d want to.

sounddrill ,

If you can pull it off, even a dress can be manly

SkepticElliptic ,

I honestly never realized how much of af my stepdad did not give until much later. As a diabetic he would wear a fanny pack with his insulin, needless, and extra sugar drop candy in case his sugars dropped. This was before pumps were a thing. He would also wear bike shorts, slip on shoes with socks, a regular white t-shirt and a flannel as an outfit with the fanny pack. Oh and also transition lenses. The thing about the bike shorts is that his legs look like an eldritch horror because diabetics don’t heal very quickly when they get a scrape or cut. He also kind of looks like Dale from King of the hill.

chrizzowski ,

I’m sure the picture I’m creating in my head is way more majestic than the reality was, but It’s beautiful. Sounds like after the fanny pack and socks he just said fuck it and leaned into it hard.

enthusiasticamoeba ,

I see more and more men wearing fanny-pack-like crossbody bags where I am (Holland). Hopefully it will start catching on in your area!

cubedsteaks ,

I’m in Portland, OR and I see them a ton!

snowfalldreamland ,

Get a cross body sling, One of those travel digital nomad things. The brand ones aren’t cheap but it’s like somewhat fashionable. Maybe that could work?

intensely_human ,

Breaking my very long period of unplanned celibacy.

I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.

1847953620 ,

Hookers and blow

cubedsteaks ,

I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.

You’d be surprised how many people are totally willing to work with you on something like that.

intensely_human ,

Not at my age.

cubedsteaks ,

are you really old or really young? Either way, I know I was always willing to work with whoever I was seeing even if they couldn’t perform like they want to.

intensely_human ,

That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.

If she’d done what you do — acknowledge and help tackle the problem — it could have been awesome. But she just refused to acknowledge anything was wrong.

Your approach says “You’re not there but you can get there”.

Her approach said “You’re hopeless”.

Before that relationship my confidence was fine and I was fine too. It really did a number on my head to have her lie to me about something so important.

cubedsteaks ,

That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.

That’s terrible and I know what you mean. I have had two different guys cheat on me cause they never really liked me to begin with.

And yeah, its so hard to trust anyone now because so many people come off as liars. Especially after being lied to about something so personal.

intensely_human ,

One little bit at a time. Godspeed in healing your trust!

cubedsteaks ,

thanks!

TheAnonymouseJoker ,
@TheAnonymouseJoker@lemmy.ml avatar

Approach any woman. Toxic feminism and selective acceptance of “patriarchal” elements and roles by women makes me keep distance. As a cis het man, I am scared of false accusations, especially since I am an INTJ introvert.

Women should learn to take the first step and approach men for dates, and become humble as a gender group, if they want to have the power. Not doing so only means that they want exclusively the benefits of “patriarchal gender roles” without dealing with negatives.

Fizz ,
@Fizz@lemmy.nz avatar

Probably make videos of interesting things I do. Sometimes I do something and think this is the kind of stuff I watch on YouTube.

ArchmageAzor ,
@ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world avatar

Personally, I’d love to give streaming a go, the Twitch kind. I like playing games and I want to share my time with others, but social anxieties say otherwise

Matcha_Mecha ,

As a pretty much nobody streamer man on twitch, not even affiliate yet (I’m so close yet so far), I also struggle with social anxiety but find that streaming has been pretty easy for me. It’s different than actually having to interact with people face to face, so it feels more like talking on a thread than irl interaction.

Of course that’s just my experience and my anxieties may be on a much lower level than yours, but I recommend giving it a go if you think you’d have fun with it!

charles ,

I used to stream a bit back in the justin.tv days and I would usually only get a handful of viewers but even to this day, it was some of the most unique gaming experiences I had. I used to try and play games that no one was streaming/talking about and a couple of times I actually ended up with the devs watching the stream and those were such great memories.

One time, I played this flash game where you had timed “lives” and the dev was watching (without me knowing) when I ran out of lives. I mentioned I’d be going to play something else while I waited for my lives to come back and he sent me a DM telling me that he would go and remove the timer so I could keep playing if I wanted.

That being said, I haven’t streamed since then and I’m honestly not even sure how I’d start again. I don’t think I’d ever enjoy having a large audience but I definitely enjoyed playing with a few people helping out on what to do next.

dosse91 ,

I’ve been into BDSM stuff since I was a kid basically, but I’ve always been to embarrassed to tell anyone or act on it because it’s some seriously kinky shit.

wildwhitehorses ,

Fetlife.com

1847953620 ,

Local bdsm club

lemann ,

Thinking out loud

SneakyWeasel ,

Bone gnawing for me. And I genuinely mean that, I find gnawing on a piece of bone insanely calming for me, but it makes literally everyone I talk to insanely uncomfortable. I love gnawing on bbq ribs, chicken wing bones, pork chop bones, T bones. I love bone marrow and trying to dig for it. Family says it’s bad etiquette, though my partner doesn’t mind.

saigot ,

I always suck chicken wings dry if I’m at home. It’s delicious.

TheWoozy ,

ITT: People who want to cross-dress and relive their childhood. I heartily approve of all of it.

thelsim ,
@thelsim@sh.itjust.works avatar

Wear a mask wherever I go. Not so much because for health reasons, but because I like to hide my face. I feel more comfortable that way, but at the same time people stare at you like you’re some kind of terrorist.
I prefer to wear scarves or other items that hide my face below my eyes.

not_amm ,

I’d be more comfortable with physical contact. I’m NB, but most people still perceive me and treat me as a man (even though I’ve said many times that I’m not) and that comes with the stigma of keeping distance.

I also love to play with LEGOs, it’s kind of therapeutical I guess. It’s just me, talking about random things. It’s the same with videogames, I mostly play RPGs, but it isn’t as “weird”.

BTW, while I’m non-binary, I’m still involved in man’s problems because I live them for my appearence. I also help some male friends with their problems with masculininty and feminism, so they don’t end up being redpilled alpha sigma males lol

PowerCrazy ,

As soon as you leave high school, if not before, you should be your own person. Blaming others for things you want to do isn’t healthy and shouldn’t be used as an excuse.

triclops6 ,

You’re right. And yet people still do it. Hence this post.

bleepbloopbleep ,

True. But not possible for everyone. Hence the millions of therapists out there being busy .

PowerCrazy ,

Yea agreed. Therapy while improving material conditions of society would go a long way.

greendakota99 ,

This comment reminds me of telling a depressed individual to “just smile more”.

PowerCrazy ,

That would absolutely be the opposite of what I’m saying. Don’t do things for others, do things for yourself.

TheGreenGolem ,

Thanks, I’m cured!

can ,

Depending on what OP wants to wear and where they live it could be dangerous.

WhyJiffie ,

Tell this to those that were bullied for being themselves. Not just in high school, but as adults. You’ll find plenty in the comment section.

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