Ex-wife. I feel our lives went in different directions. We had a great bond when we were young and both struggling to make ends meet, but then we found good jobs and started saving up money. That’s when all the problems started. Turns out we had very different ideas of what we were going to do with our lives once we had the freedom to choose.
For me, the same thing that was the reason at the time, too: Over the years my partner realized she’s not into men at all actually, just into women. The into-men part was more learned behavior left over from her youth (we were together for 15 years, so it’s utterly normalized to be together and hence needs a lot of time to realize you just do it out of habit).
The next high was more important than I was. I didn’t really have much going for me at the time and was living with her family after a few years of long distance stuff. It felt like I saw her less while I was living there than when I’d visit every 6 months from the long distance part. The difference in lifestyles slowly drove us apart.
That was the main reason but I was also not a full person back then. Fresh out of high-school and had no idea about the world around me or how to fit within it. I would have had more compassion for certain things if I knew all I know now, though the breakup still would have occurred at that same point.
She really loved me very deeply, it made me uncomfortable at times as I didn’t grow up with love. It was the kind of love you want though and I loved her a lot as well - just the wrong time ultimately. Hard part is that I had to lose that relationship to learn the lesson for next partner.
He wouldnt stop drinking. I knew that when I left him, and still know its the reason now. Miraculously he hasnt drunk himself to death by now ( a bit over ten years later) and I think he may now be in recovery, I hope so for his sake. I found a far far better partner 8 months after we split
She had mental health issues she acknowledged, but refused to get help for. And these issues just interfered a lot with what a healthy relationship should be, so after a while I had enough and told her what I thought of this.
She got quite angry, which is fair because me being so fed up meant I was being a huge dick about it.
Long story short, we both decided that we never want to hear from each other again.
So yeah, could’ve handled it more maturely.
I genuinely never meant her any harm, and I wish her all the best. But ultimately, us not being together is for the better.
I was overwhelmed by changes in my life and bottled it up until I freaked out at my loved ones. Years have passed, and I’m still pissed at myself for that childishness. Healthy ways to blow off steam are a must.
He was a hot mess of manipulative and sociopathic fucker with a bad temper that I somehow “fell in love with” and treated me like garbage for the most part of 5 years without me even realising it until the end and there are still times when I think “thank fuck he broke up”.
Small bits and pieces of how he treated me:
He thought I was ungrateful for being allergic to the valentines chocolates he bought me once. Never bought me anything ever again.
He was violent to inanimate objects that just happened to be in the way. Never knew if it was going to be me one day.
Constantly gaslighted me by playing stupid and “not knowing” where things went in the kitchen and purposefully hid things when he unloaded the dishwasher. He did this when I was almost apathetic with depression and barely could shower. But I made an effort to make dinner for him after work. Took two hours to make food because nothing was where it was supposed to.
Constantly lied about everything. Where he was, what he was doing and who he was doing it with. I found this out a few months before he broke it off.
Manipulated my feelings. If he had done something and I was sad then 5 minute’s later it was all my fault and he was sad and needed comfort.
Always said I was too good for him so that I would give him recognition. That was the only recognition that mattered.
Constantly complained about me not doing any chores and that I should start to pull my weight even though I did most chores, had crippling depression and had a job.
He went off for work for 5 days. I came down with the worst flu I’ve ever had on day 1. Was still sick when he came back. He went off on me for being lazy and only laying on the couch all week.
He planned our breakup for more than half a year, didn’t tell me, saved up for an apartment and then sat me down with a pizza saying “My best friend thought I should tell you. But it’s September tomorrow. I’m moving out before Christmas”. He then went to OUR friends and my only friends in town and cried because he broke up with me while I had to be by myself. When he could’ve gone to his best childhood friend who lived a couple of blocks away.
That was just a small part of it all.
Only a few days ago me and my current partner had a disagreement and he reacted normally and I was so worried that he was going to react violently but it never came. So I had to tell him that it was comforting that he reacts reasonable and not being violent or try to manipulate my feelings. He then wondered what shit partner I’ve been with before.