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Are your grandparents and parents nice or tolerant people?

I’ve just been out for food with parents (60’s) and nana (80’s) and I don’t know why I go as they leave me disheartened every time damn time.

In the short span of a couple of hours they (mainly my nana but parents will have silly views too) managed to comment on the number of black athletes at the Olympics (somehow being a bad thing), shit on the upcoming Para-olympics (quote: disabled people should just accept their lot and not try sport), protesters (of any kind) and questioning if any protests have ever been successful, to which I answered the suffragette‘s we’re pretty successful.

Complaining about people being spoilt these days at the same time as my nana confessing she was given food in a bowl at my aunties and refused to eat it unless it was on a plate (seems pretty spoilt to me). Asking for things to be like when she was younger, to which I asked if she was a fan of Nazi Germany as she grew up post WWII.

I guess I am wondering how can I come from a family that seemingly has no compassion for anybody and even less empathy for anybody different than them. They make me angry at times and I know I can be annoying my always challenging their bullshit views, but I can’t sit there and let people take utter nonsense like this.

I haven’t even covered half the awful stuff they say and their warped ideals.

Edit: The other one that irritates me is them (two women ) shitting on female athletes. Like WTF if a female wants to be a footballer what skin is it off their noses. Unless they just bitter they people have more choice to be themselves now.

wuphysics87 ,

Depending on how old you are, and whether you are financially dependent on them, I would tell them to go fuck themselves. I’d also tell your grandma the world is changing, she’s gonna die soon, and there’s nothing she can do to change either one. Flip them the bird and walk out.

Obviously, personalities are different. This might not work for you, but you can’t just fight back with facts because they refuse to play that way. If they want to throw this kind of shit your way, you have no obligation, nor should you, play by the rules of “they go low, we go high”. That’s always been bullshit anyway. Especially in a situation like this.

Feathercrown ,

Very. I’m lucky that my family is mostly liberal.

BudgetBandit ,

Funnily enough, they don’t hate black people, only refugees and those who steal our jobs, but not everyone, just those stealing low paid jobs, the doctors are great because (idk)

Dad’s just islamophobic, well, less phobic and more islamo-hating, but only if they have X children and don’t work.

I just hate everyone equally.

BirdyBoogleBop ,

My Grandad is quite progressive. My Dad on the other hand is. Not. Most of that side of the family is quite progressive.

My mothers side is a mixed bag Mum is progressive, omi definitely isn’t and the aunts and uncles are all over the spectrum.

Lettuceeatlettuce ,
@Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml avatar

My grandma used to be, but years of Facebook right-wing propaganda has poisoned her.

Now she spouts conspiracy talking points about the “trans agenda” immigration, and so forth.

My parents have always been pretty right wing but covid pushed them even farther.

They aren’t hardcore MAGA nuts, but they are pretty pro Trump, especially my dad. They also buy the propaganda from Fox news hook, line, and sinker.

xilliah , (edited )

Her chip must be malfunctioning again. It happens sometimes with the strongheaded ones.

There.

dubyakay , (edited )

My father was very anti-categorization, and actively challenged anyone with such mindsets. He’d stare people down on the subway that glanced at him. He’d call out anyone that made a remark about him regarding anything and labelling him or anyone else as “you people”. He went into great detail in his explanation to me that people, even when homogeneous ethnicity, will categorize others automatically based on traits, often putting individuals into catch-all boxes mentally. And how it can or could be overcome.

At the same time, he loved a good ethnic joke. Even self-deprecating ones. One of his favourites was:

The Scotsman takes his son to the market fair. They buy a watermelon and consume it with gusto.

A year later they go to the market fair again. The son asks if he can have a drink. To which the Scotsman replies:

Beer after melon?

amanneedsamaid ,

Yeah, my parents are perfect, my grandparents are like ~80% there. One side is a bit religious conservative (thankfully anti-Trump), and the other side’s grandfather has an odd idea that all black people naturally don’t want to work. Other than that one sentiment, he isn’t racist in the slightest, but he insists that’s the case.

jmp242 ,

I think we all have some things that we either don’t talk about to maintain relationships. Of course usually thats respected by both sides.

Do they care that you call them out? Do you dislike doing it? If neither happens it can be useful for people to realize they’re not necessarily holding a position that “everyone does”. It’s useful to be taken out of your bubble I think, and to see “regular people” can have different positions, and maybe try and understand why they do. It might change someone’s mind.

If course if they or you get worked up by the discussion and no one is getting anything out of it, no one is even ‘agree to disagree’ and it’s just causing everyone stress… Then you need to clearly lay out that you don’t like those sorts of comments.

If they ignore you, then you need to decide how much you want the relationship. You could say “I’m serious about these comments. If you don’t want to stop then you need to decide how much you want to see or interact with me. Because I am willing to just avoid these discussions, but I will not keep hearing these comments, and will stop coming.”

CanadaPlus ,

Parents are tolerant, as are/were grandparents for the most part. Nice is a much more mixed bag.

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