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What would you do if a scraggly homeless person knocked on your door, and all he asked was for a sandwich, a bottle of water, a bath, and perhaps a beard trim?

I’ve actually skipped work just to help a homeless guy get his beard trimmed. Bought him pizza too. Kinda hard to get anywhere in life when you look like shit.

Be kind to the homeless, they just need a helping hand here and there.

What would you do?

Vanth , (edited )
@Vanth@reddthat.com avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    fine_sandy_bottom ,

    100% this.

    I was a volunteer treasurer at a youth homeless shelter.

    Sadly, it’s not possible to evaluate someone’s intentions when they knock on your door and ask for a sandwich. They might truly just want a sandwich, or they might have other intentions entirely.

    over_clox OP ,

    It’s not typically the person that knocks that you gotta worry about, it’s the person that doesn’t knock that you really gotta worry about.

    ColeSloth ,

    That’s not very true, unfortunately. Knocking allows someone to somewhat figure out if anyone is home, allows a person to gauge who is home (a man or a woman) and how easily the knocker can gauge overtaking them. Breaking in means the homeowner may have time to get a weapon and means the knocker will have to search for anyone home.

    Getting them to come up to the door and see if they’re armed makes it easy if a person is looking for a victim. People just breaking in are usually hoping no one is home and just wants to rob the place.

    over_clox OP ,

    I guess it partly depends how far out in the woods you live. The dogs will announce an intruder before they even get 100 feet close to your home, and I had my cats trained to knock on the door knocker, when they weren’t out eating rats anyways…

    Vanth , (edited )
    @Vanth@reddthat.com avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    over_clox OP ,

    You should never assume any stranger is safe. But take each person’s situation separately, some struggling people are actually legitimately honest.

    Vanth , (edited )
    @Vanth@reddthat.com avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    over_clox OP ,

    Honestly, the fella I helped didn’t even knock on my door, I knocked on his ‘door’, while he was resting at a local bus stop.

    I had already known the fella for a few months in passing on my bicycle rides. I realized he was a good decent honest person, but he needed a haircut and beard trim.

    Well, I happened to have trimmers, and figured that was the least I could do to try to help him out. That, and a pizza and a beer, just because…

    Edit: Yes, I went out of my way to help this particular fella, he didn’t actually knock on my door. But, what if it was 120⁰F outside, and some stranger knocked on your door asking for help?..

    over_clox OP ,

    Our local cities have been shutting down homeless assistance and food banks. Even the churches aren’t allowed to help anymore… ☹️😭

    Redredme ,

    Hell no.

    Are you u all living in rosy mc Rosewood Santa’s little safe harbour everything is fine and dandy rainbow world? Or are you all lying through your teeth?

    Letting someone in your home with clearly visible psychological issues, in your circle of trust, filled with those you hold most dearly and packed with your dearest memories, that place… And then letting someone in you know nothing about?

    Hell fucking no.

    In the real world letting some rando homeless dude in your home has a 50/50 chance of ending up in crazy town. There is a high probability that you, yours or your stuff get fucked up. I cannot and will not accept those odds. Even a 2% chance of shit happening is a risk I’m unwilling to take when it comes to my kids.

    Would I help him? Maybe. It depends on some factors (like can I at that specific time, did I help him out earlier, do I have cash on hand) Would I let him in? No f-ing way.

    So real answer: money: maybe, eat & drink: anytime. Clothes: I’ve got some you can have, no problem. Bath and clean: nope. Never.

    M500 ,

    This is my thought as well. Even if things go well this time, who’s to say they will not feel entitled to come back. Maybe with or without your knowledge.

    I’d send them away otherwise I might start getting a regular visitor to my house asking for stuff.

    In public, I’m happy to give money or food.

    EABOD25 , (edited )

    While I do agree with you. Your wording could be a little bit better. You seem like a glass half empty kind of person, and I can respect that. However your statement makes it seem like all homeless people have some kind of dangerous psychological issues, and that is a wild accusation. Mental health problems come in all shapes and sizes

    Haui ,
    @Haui@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

    As someone with diagnosed mental health issues, I can tell you that I mean no harm. But sadly, the pure difference in perception paired with unfamiliarity of the two parties makes the situation insanely dangerous, not the person.

    You never know why the person is in this predicament and if they have a tendency towards violence, robbery or other things. I‘m not saying they are. I‘m saying you have to assume they are before making that decision. Can you defend yourself against a pulled knife or even gun, do you have enough mental capacity to observe them at all times. Those odds do not look good.

    So, although I would never willingly look down on folks less fortunate than myself. I too will never ever let a stranger into my house if they raise any concerns.

    EABOD25 ,

    Very better wording. Sorry if I was seeming like a dick. I’ve always had the view that people generally mean no harm, but might have articulated it in the wrong way. I’m definitely trying to work on that with myself as well. I also have mental health issues, and I was homeless for a good 2 years of my life, and would have been longer if a person didn’t invite a scruffy person into their home and show them goodness and ask for nothing in return.

    After I typed that, I had to think about it for a bit. I was probably one of the few lucky ones. I’ve had the experience working in movie theaters, and I’ve encountered many homeless and have had good and bad experiences. The bad is more memorable (which probably says more about human nature rather than social conception at this point), but had many great experiences with homeless people. I have stories, but I’ll save them for the sake of typing a shit ton lol.

    TL;DR: I like the cut of your jib, you seem very intelligent, and have good points. However, I still believe the whole argument comes down to pessimis vs optimism. I’m a very long winded person, so tldr are hard for me

    over_clox OP ,

    “if they raise any concerns”

    Yes indeed, those words sum it up pretty well. Everybody is different. Every situation is different.

    Everyone deserves a chance though, with caution of course…

    Ledivin ,

    However your statement makes it seem like all homeless people have some kind of dangerous psychological issues, and that is a wild accusation.

    He never said anything like this, and specifically called out pretty low probabilities throughout his comment.

    EABOD25 ,

    I hate linking comments. Sorry, but it took me a bit to type all of that up. So I beg your pardon

    lemm.ee/comment/13208280

    over_clox OP ,

    Thank you for your opinion, every individual is different. Homeless does not inherently equate to psychological issues nor drug addiction.

    Sometimes people just had their house destroyed from a hurricane or tornado or whatever, and insurance done fucked them over, if they even had proper insurance in the first place.

    Sorry you’re getting downvoted, but you got my upvote. Thank you for having enough of a mind and soul to care. 🤗👍

    Postmortal_Pop ,

    I wouldn’t let him in, because my partner has very strong feelings about anyone in the house, but if he doesn’t mind waiting outside he’s getting a lot more than a sandwich and water. A full meal is a very rare thing on the street and some bread and Ham isn’t a meal. I always have left overs or prepped meals ready and he’s eating until he’s full. Water is the same, as much as he can stomach.

    I’m no barber, but I can trim my own beard so I’m sure I can manage his. If the stars align, I have a real stylist down the street and I’d happy to ask if she has time for a clean and cut.

    Most importantly, I’ve got contact info for shelters and food banks. When if I can’t do anything else I can help find someone who can.

    over_clox OP ,

    Honestly, I didn’t let the fella in either. But I did bring my hair clippers out on the back porch, and made a point to trim both his beard and his head down short.

    I’m not a barber either, but hell, there’s a huge difference between looking scraggly versus looking somewhat tidy. I did my best with the clippers, and the fella was very happy with it.

    Then I went and bought us some pizza and a couple of beers. Why beer? Because I’m generous sometimes, plus beer is cheaper than water in my area.

    stopit ,
    @stopit@lemmy.ml avatar

    The food and water part, no problem. Strangers in my apartment is a hard no! Sorry.

    southsamurai ,
    @southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Fix him a sandwich, get him some water, and tell him I don’t let strangers in my house.

    I’ve done just that, twice in the twenty odd years I’ve owned it. Before that, my dad owned it and had different rules about who had access to resources, so I would have followed his, if it had arisen.

    But! I would offer to bring my spare trimmer and hook him up on the porch, or a shave if he wanted. That used to be part of my job, and I miss the hell out of personal care. I’d also offer to let him use a mirror instead though.

    I’m hard core about no strangers in the house, period, ever. Don’t care why they want in, don’t care who they are, if I haven’t said it’s okay, nobody comes in. Hell, there’s people we know that aren’t allowed in. I’ve got one cousin in particular that will get his ass beat again if he shows up. But someone we don’t know, that I haven’t vetted? Hellll no.

    Shit, I’d rent a motel room for a homeless person before I’d let the cleanest, best dressed stranger in my house, and I’m on a fixed income.

    But, I’m actually known to be a soft touch for food and beverage. It’s a thing. If I know you well enough to let you in, you will never go hungry at my house. If I don’t know you well enough to invite you in, I still won’t let you go hungry or thirsty, but I’ll ask you to move along with the supplies. I’d have to have my family be starving before I’d refuse basic food and water to someone.

    dwindling7373 ,

    Not the hero we deserve nor the one we need.

    0_0j ,
    @0_0j@lemmy.world avatar

    I’ve got one cousin in particular that will get his ass beat again if he shows up.

    Chuck? Is that you?

    southsamurai ,
    @southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Sorry, but no.

    lud ,

    I’m curious what you mean by fixed income.

    Do you mean a non hourly salary? Is that is what you mean, why does it matter?

    southsamurai ,
    @southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Fixed income is a general term for someone that can’t change their income because it is provided by a social safely net. In my case, that’s the US disability system, SSDI in specific. You get a monthly income and that’s that. There is some wiggle room for other income, but if most of the people on SSDI could do enough work for that, they wouldn’t qualify for SSDI in the first place.

    But it also refers to retired people on social security, and sometimes even people that get income from a pension.

    In other words, the amount you get is not only “fixed”, there isn’t a way to increase it reliably.

    There in the US, even the maximum SSDI amount you can get is below the poverty line. We’re lucky in that there are three adults on various SS programs, so we do have a little disposable income at the end of the month, but we’re talking maybe twenty or thirty bucks.

    lud ,

    Thanks for explaining.

    I always thought it exclusively meant that someone had retired and were on pension but I doubt there are many if any that old on Lemmy.

    The term doesn’t really exist where I live. Or at least as far as I know.

    southsamurai ,
    @southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Yeah, lemmy skews towards middle aged and lower for sure lol

    But, no worries, you asked a genuine question, politely :)

    RonnieB ,

    I’d help them then immediately go online and beg for praise.

    over_clox OP ,

    I don’t know if this is supposed to be sarcasm or not.

    Keep in mind, not everyone knows how to use the internet or even has access to it.

    some_guy ,

    I would offer to buy them a meal and pay for a low-cost motel room. I’d even be willing to buy them some toiletries to get cleaned up. I would not invite them into my home under any conditions.

    njm1314 ,

    I don’t even like opening the door to people I know.

    Clinicallydepressedpoochie ,

    I’d give him a snack if he was desperate enough to come to my door. Wouldn’t let him inside but might come out to chat with him. Just to be sure they are well enough to carry on. Like, I didn’t have to call for medical assistance or something.

    It’s easy to say no when you’ve never been in that situation. I mean I’ve never been so out of it I’d beg a stranger to groom me but I have been completely on my own with nothing and no one.

    Any homeless person with good intent would know that cold knocking someone and asking to come inside is a bridge too far. So if they were trying that shit they would most likely be competely toasted or having a serious mental episode. Even more likely they are trying to steal your shit.

    I have had a homeless man come up to the door in an icestorm with no shirt on. The guy was soaked in alcohol and I did not feel safe. I did throw him a sweater, coat, and gloves because he could freeze but I was fucking terrified.

    over_clox OP ,

    Thank you on their behalf for at least trying to help keep them warm during hard freezing times.

    over_clox OP ,

    In my case, the ‘stranger’ wasn’t exactly a stranger anymore. Even though I had my own place to live with my family, I’d get tired of the home drama and I’d go ride my bicycle out to wherever my feet decided to pedal that night.

    There were two particular homeless fellas that I’d sometimes stop and shoot the shit with for a couple hours or so. Sometimes they’d even buy me a beer, just to have a friend to talk to.

    I never forgot their generosity. Never. I helped the older fella with a beard trim, some pizza, and a beer in return.

    The younger fella had been an album producer in the past, so I found him a fancy green suit about his size. Dunno if he kept it, but last I heard he actually got him a place in the next city over.

    jimmydoreisalefty ,
    @jimmydoreisalefty@lemmy.world avatar

    IMHO: Always help out the working-class people if you can; the homeless and’middle class’ are the working-class.

    You don’t have to let them in your home or do too much, but I would offer them a box with food, plenty of water, and a basic care package.

    We all need to make time to join in helping our local communities. 1 hour a year is much more helpful than 0 hours a year.

    Mantra:

    “We should focus our actions, time, and resources on Direct Action, Mutual Aid, and Community Outreach… No War but Class War!”

    feedum_sneedson ,

    “absolutely fucking not, and never come here again”

    Sorry, but I’ll help people when I want to, on my own terms. Before you pile on, I literally just housed somebody for over a month, in the shitty one bedroom flat I rent. As in, they stayed on the sofa and only left on Tuesday. I also provided 90% of their food and gave them money to cover an outgoing debt payment.

    It was a fucking huge inconvenience, actually. A helping hand is fine, but some people will happily take your whole arm.

    over_clox OP ,

    Your last sentence strikes a hard truth, but I totally get you. Yeah, I ain’t suggesting anyone outright adopt a homeless person and wipe their ass every day and all, just saying that sometimes, depending on the circumstances and the individual, that it’s only proper to help for a day or three, within your means anyways.

    wesker ,
    @wesker@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    My experience with homeless people on my porch has usually been them stealing from it or shitting on it. So I’d be rather shocked if they just asked for something normal.

    I wouldn’t oblige the bath, but I could help them with some food and water.

    over_clox OP ,

    There is a difference between a homeless person and a thief. It’s a bad stereotype to consider all homeless people as thieves.

    In my experiences in life, thieves almost always have a home. I mean, where is a homeless person gonna store your television?

    They’re not the same.

    corroded ,

    It’s true that not everyone fits stereotypes, but be realistic. The vast majority of homeless people are drug addicts, alcoholics, or both. Addicts with no legal source of income are going to steal.

    I don’t hate homeless people at all, and I legitimately have sympathy for someone who fell on hard times and is trying to get their life together; I do hate addicts who are willing to take advantage of hard-working people. The venn diagram between homeless and addicts is very close to being a circle.

    over_clox OP ,

    Want a little plot twist? Everyone is addicted to something or another. Why is caffeine legal, but cocaine illegal? People piss money away at Starbucks while dissing the homeless.

    FireTower ,
    @FireTower@lemmy.world avatar

    There’s a slight but significant difference between being addicted to Starbucks and crack.

    over_clox OP ,

    There’s also the fact that instead of buying a $20 cup of coffee, you can get a $2 or so cup of coffee at most any old random gas station, and still have money left to buy 2 or 3 burgers to feed a couple homeless people instead.

    corroded ,

    I don’t want to buy 2 or 3 burgers to feed homeless people. I mentioned this in another comment, but the group of people who are homeless and the group of people who are addicted to meth, heroin, whatever are largely the same group, maybe with a few outliers. Why the hell would I want to buy lunch for someone who’s going to go out and rob or harass someone for $20 so they can go buy a bag of their drug of choice?

    People like myself (and others in this comment section) don’t hate the homeless. We hate drug addicts who shit all over society (sometimes literally) in order to get their next fix.

    Here’s an experiment you can try: The next time you see a homeless person begging for money so they can buy some food, refuse to give them money and offer to buy them food instead. They’re probably going to call you a piece of shit and if you’re lucky, they might leave you alone after that, but probably not.

    People need to have sympathy for the homeless, but not for addicts. We should have social programs to house the homeless, as long as they can pass a drug test. Food banks, work-placement programs, they should all exist and be taxpayer funded, as long as those using them can pass a drug test.

    over_clox OP ,

    I’ve already done exactly this with an ex girlfriend. Wonder why she’s an ex…

    dingus , (edited )

    Yeah, it bothers me when young, naive people on the internet don’t get this. Homelessness is often a lot more than just not having enough money. Often (but not always), it involves deep psychological issues. One of the reasons why the homeless issue is difficult to solve is because you can’t just throw money at them or even just give them a house and expect for everything to be fixed. They need psychological help, and often help with addiction, in addition to the money. I feel for these people, but it is absolutely not the simple issue people like to make it out to be.

    Personally, I don’t even answer the door for strangers unless I’m expecting someone.

    wesker ,
    @wesker@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    They steal our patio furniture, and then I see it in the camps down the road. We’ve had to start locking it up with chains. In this case they are both homeless and thieves.

    over_clox OP ,

    Sadly, sometimes they can be thieves, but that doesn’t seem to be the usual case when I’ve met homeless people.

    Then again, maybe it’s because my instincts tell me who to avoid from a quarter mile away. You know, like that dude behind the Burger King dumpster with a face full of tattoos… Yeah, probably best to avoid…

    John_McMurray ,

    Sandwich, bottle of water, directions off the property.

    over_clox OP ,

    You mean directions towards the nearest shelters? It’s easy to tell someone to go away, but does it hurt you to try to help them locate proper shelter, instead of just tell them to go away?

    Waraugh ,

    I got kids, I’ll get you a sandwich and water while you wait outside but I don’t know them just like I don’t know any other stranger that showed up unannounced, that I would also not let in. If it was just me I have a higher risk tolerance, it’s going to be pretty close to zero when I have others who are dependent on me under my care. Sorry, not sorry.

    over_clox OP , (edited )

    Let’s say we’re in Arizona right now, hypothetical…

    Let’s say it’s 120⁰F outside. You gonna leave the fella outside, only to die on your porch of heat stroke?

    Edit: Ain’t that cute, I see I’ve been downvoted. Welp, if such a hypothetical situation happens, and someone dies on your porch in the heat, then you’d basically be guilty of negligent homicide since you could have helped, but refused to.

    I’m not exactly a fan of having people die on my porch.

    01189998819991197253 ,
    @01189998819991197253@infosec.pub avatar

    Don’t know where you’re at, but where I am, I have no legal obligation to help anyone trespassing on my property. That said, I would call the cops, so they can help him. While they may not be great at this, it’s their job (not mine), and I’m not risking my life. Maybe he’s honest in his needs. Maybe he’s not, and his intentions are nefarious. Do you know? I don’t, and I’m not willing to risk my life finding out.

    over_clox OP ,

    A person knocking on your door and asking for help shouldn’t be outright considered as a trespasser, especially if all they’re asking is help. Of course you can’t trust just anyone, but still, if someone showed up and knocked on my door, sweating their ass off in the scorching heat of the summer and asking for help, I ain’t about to leave them out in the heat…

    01189998819991197253 , (edited )
    @01189998819991197253@infosec.pub avatar

    That’s fine. If your risk posture allows you to do that, then great. Mine doesn’t. I will give them as much water as they need, food if they need, even a change of clothes and a coolrag. They can chill in my yard under the shade of whatever trees they want. They can use my hose to cool off, wash, whatever. But, they’re not coming in my home. [and they need to leave before that evening’s up].

    E: correct autocorrect

    E2: this is a coolrag

    https://infosec.pub/pictrs/image/a6803db4-15d9-493e-bc94-fc82dedffa82.jpeg

    E3 in []

    John_McMurray ,

    No I mean gtfo and deal with your own shit.

    over_clox OP ,

    Hey, I ain’t mad, at least you said you’d help with the bare basics of a little food and water.

    But what if it’s 120⁰F outside? What if they’re about to suffer a heat stroke on your porch?

    John_McMurray ,

    Are you seriously asking if I react differently in different situations?

    over_clox OP ,

    What if you were the person suffering in the heat? Should I open my door for you? Because if I could tell you were genuinely in need of help, I would…

    Nemo ,

    Depends if I know them. There’s been a permanent camp around the corner from my house the last five years. My wife and I know a lot of the long-term residents and have helped them do laundry, charge phones, and file taxes. But a stranger? I’d direct them towards other local resources.

    toynbee , (edited )

    File taxes? I admit I’m fairly ignorant of the plights of any unhoused person … And any complex tax situation, TBH … but it seems like most of them would be under the income threshold that would require filing of taxes.

    edit: s/and/any/

    alnitak ,

    Homeless does not necessarily mean jobless. You still have to file taxes if you want a tax return. It’s a lot cheaper to live out of a car and have a PO box than it is to get an apartment.

    toynbee ,

    Fair enough, I hadn’t considered homelessness by choice.

    I know homeless people can and sometimes do have jobs, but assumed their income would be insufficient to require interacting with the IRS. Thank you for expanding my perception.

    Nemo ,

    You remember a few years back when stimulus cheques were being sent out? They were only being sent to those who filed taxes.

    toynbee ,

    Gotcha, thank you.

    atro_city ,

    If I had time, I'd maybe tell the dude to wait outside, then get my loafers, walk with him to the shop and buy a meal. Strangers in my house? No thank you. Good way to get robbed in my neighborhood.

    There are free showers and halfway houses around here, so getting shower wouldn't be a reason to knock on the door, I think.

    Optimally, we should be housing everybody as its been proven time and time again how much cheaper it is than leaving people homeless. It's what I vote for every time, but somehow people are just too selfish.

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