Yes, living well. Happy mostly. Embodying values and dreams - as much as possible since some dreams would have needed to be started years ago to be realized - like my vineyard and my orchard. Mostly it was reinventing myself every five or seven years to follow the lucre (in software development world look for the bright and shiny new thing).
I was self employed for most of the time, and I can recommend that for those who have a pretty good work ethic. Having a goal in high school was also a key factor, since it led to a useful degree. I was also doing constant internal evaluation - like the feeling where you’re going over your desired job description for a job interview - via a journal or a self help program like “The Red Bucket Strategy”. So, in answer to how did this happen question: it was pretty methodical in using the steering gear you have to make course corrections all the time.
I’m very happy and living as well as anyone could hope for.
There was probably a lot of luck involved. Including having a good upbringing, supportive parents, decent education. But I also worked very hard to improve the things in my life I was unhappy with. Then I think the last bit is just gratitude for what I do have. I could spend months focusing on how I don’t have a yacht or private jet, or whatever, and be unhappy. But it’s so much better to appreciate what you do have. A good partner, a nice home, great food, a healthy body, an inquisitive mind. Access to the internet with all the good it has to offer.
I recommend focusing on and appreciating what you already have.
Sort of? I went to school after having my first two kids and have mostly been able to do work I like ok for companies I don’t consider evil. So that’s been good. Had lots of kids, I enjoyed that overall and they seem to be growing into good adults. Left my ex eventually when he got physically abusive (he was a chill stoner for 15 years who got unemployed then radicalized on the internet). In a good relationship now and we both have good jobs.
Honestly I think luck plays a large part in anybody’s results but the things I think helped me were:
Waiting until I was older to finish school so I knew better what I might like as a job.
Having children (obviously this is a YMMV thing but for me it’s been way more good than bad).
Trying not to overwork, but work at a sustainable pace that doesn’t burn me out. Keeping boundaries, taking PTO, not worrying about moving up some ladder, want good work and good pay and that’s all.
I’m working on it, which I think is the real “point” of life.
That being said I’m poor as fuck and need to find a way to go back and finish my degree. I’m very close, but as is I can only afford some medical care, so trying to come up with a couple thousand for classes will be interesting.
Nope. I did what traumas and society wanted me to. I didn’t start living intentionally until I was 30. I’m making much better decisions, I think, but I’m following through on my commitments because I want to be a person who follows through. That’s even if my prior commitments were made with incomplete information.
A lot, A LOT, of my life decisions were made in fear and anxiety, on incomplete or incorrect information. I know better, now, and am trying to break the cycle for my kids.
Biggest thing I did to go from feeling like shit to actually feeling engaged was getting involved with my union. Life is so much more satisfying when you do something that matters, and when the existing union leadership who have been largely useless described me as “trouble” I felt validated lol.
Even if your union is running well they pretty much can always use an extra set of hands, so step up!
I finally left my abusive wife this week. It was really scary, and she keeps sending me threats (to take me for child support and ruin my life) but I was able to get ahold if a crisis center for abused people, thankfully they have support for men. The crisis center is going to help me tackle all the debt she’s put me in and get me into an apartment that will have room for me and my kids!
Yesterday for the first time in 14 years, I was completely free. I just drove around town. I went and got an ice cream cone, and I got a Mexican Pizza from taco bell, and nobody insulted me, put me down, or made me feel worthless. I got a glimpse of me and I really miss that guy. I used to have the nick name smiley because I always walked around with a shit eating grin on my face because I love life and I love my job, but she’s worn away at me lately.
I might be homeless technically, but I have a safe space until I can get on my feet. I get my kids tonight, we’re going to have a pizza party and play Mario Kart together. I think everything is going to be fine soon…
The crysis center already has an apartment for me. They’re going to pay first months rent and deposit, I can even have my cats with me!
Since I left my wife, I’ve been saving sooooo much money. I know how to cook on a budget, the kids aren’t picky, and I’m not wasting my money on door dash!
No. I would be happy and awesome at doing pretty much any ground level technical work but thanks to corporate greed and inflation I can’t afford to live on what I’d make doing any of those. So I had to take promotions to roles that are more about communicating with a bunch of different people to have them do stuff while fielding questions from leadership about why shit wasn’t done on time. This stresses me the fuck out and leaves me too mentally drained at the end of the day to do any personal projects and I’m still can’t even afford to actually own a home.
More-or-less my wife’s situation. I feel for her and try my best to support her, but she’s miserable every working day for the same reasons as you. Maybe it’s time to grab a new job as an experienced tech or even a consultant?
I’ve looked but haven’t found anything that pays enough. Which in itself is a pain in the ass because no one just says what a position is paying until you go through an application and interview.
Im pretty happy but due to ADHD im never really satisfied with what i have currently in a sense.
I’m very grateful for my job, my current living situation and my partner but im always looking forward to new projects and stuff that i wanna do. I finish one thing and i really like that and then i move onto the next thing cause i feel like i have to. Just cant sit still for too long.
How it happened is i just got lucky. I got a good family that helped me with a place to live, my buddy helped me get my current job in an IT adjacent position, and i met my gf on tinder when she was just about to leave the app for good.
So yea, just kinda got lucky. I do work hard too and struggled alot with ADHD and other mental health issues before getting diagnosed so im glad things worked out eventually.
By most people’s standards I’m not living well since I’m a little poor / frugal, but I’m happy. My dream as a teenager was to move to the west coast and start a new life. Well, just after I finished high school my dad kicked me out to use my room to start a new business or something and since I was already homeless, I headed out west. That was years ago and I’m now still living here in California with an apartment I love and a job I don’t hate. Not the wealthiest but beats those 3 months I was homeless and living in scraps. I also no longer have the friends I wanted to move here to live with because they ended up being pieces of shit, but I like my roommates and still have internet friends so I’m happy with life.
Depends. I’m homebound due to an accident and illness several years ago and can’t take part in activities or have a social life like I used to while I feel like I’m getting older and missing out on so much.
But then again I’m very fortunate that I have insurance so that I don’t have to worry about economy and I’m pretty good at making the best of my situation and have projects going so I feel I’m moving forward even though in other directions than before and at a highly reduced pace.
So… It could be better. But it could be so much worse. To be honest, I feel way more thankful for what I’ve got than sadness of what I have not.
It happened because I kept re-evaluating all of my beliefs, changing my mind all the time to include values, principles and beliefs that are conducive to answering yes to these questions.
Also, learning more about the world, especially human behavior and the human psyche.
I have absolutely no attachment to any of my beliefs, any kind of new information gets incorporated into my belief set and changes how I think about things. Depending how impactful and credible the information is, the change is bigger or smaller.
One big belief is that it’s not necessary to have any dreams or goals at all. Or, if I do have one, that it’s completely irrelevant if I reach or don’t reach it. Most people can’t comprehend living like this, it requires a “support cast” of various other beliefs that makes this one possible.
But yeah, to answer “how’d this happen” correctly, I’d have to tell you my whole life story, which I can’t even remember fully, lol
You can be generous with your time and empathy and people will tend to remember it more than money. It’s easy to be generous with money when you have it. It’s not as common to be generous with kindness.
I don’t know your work situation to know if you have time to spare (when others are available) but I hope you have time to at least enjoy your own life. Also, not getting married due to red flags is a good reason to not get married. It sucks to not find your a person for yourself but it’s honestly better than dreading going home.
I work 830-9 pm every weekday and generally 10-4 every weekend. I do my best but I really don’t have much time to be generous either. Thanks for your kind words though. I ended up sick this week when it’s my vacation week so I feel even shittier than usual.
That sounds awful. All of it. I hope your work hours are reduced to reasonable at some point soon, and I hope you don’t need to worry about money when that time comes.