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People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed. Something as simple as the dogs tracking some mud through the house will just ruin my mood. I know some people who would just laugh it off and clean it up. Meanwhile I’ll get pissed that I didn’t wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I’m cleaning it up. This has nothing to do with the dogs, it just an example. Any number of seemingly insignificant things can trigger me like that. Like forgetting something at the store and having to go back. I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

RBWells ,

This sounds like you are stressed. In the particular example you give (I am a generally even tempered person, and having trouble with irritability today) I find exercise helps. Exhausting my body calms my mind.

If it’s a situation where the irritability is telling you something, like you are stressed because you are doing too much and the rest of your family doing too little, you may need to communicate that to them, to be able to fix it.

Spacehooks ,

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

AccountMaker ,

While reading Epectitus definitely helped (externals - out of your control; reactions - your choice, things don’t bother you, you bother yourself), and telling myself that I gain nothing out of anger (mostly lose from it), I ran out of fucks to give. Someone’s blocking the way? Just wait until I can pass them. My delivery is running late? Whatever, it’ll get there. I left the window open during heavy rain and everything is wet? Close the window and mop it.

In a world where nothing really matters, giving your undying attention to stupid things like these is just absurd. Who’s watching your reactions so that you have to put on a show?

But as someone said, it takes practice. Being mindful, present, realizing that you’re getting angry, and then consciously thinking “ah whatever” and accepting it. Difficult at first, but as with any skill, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

sooper_dooper_roofer ,

I simply project my reality onto my surroundings

Hazzia ,

The way you’ve phrased this sounds like this isn’t just your default state throughout your life. Is there maybe a much larger stressor that’s sapping your emotional energy and making your trigger shorter? If that’s the case, resolving your feelings around that stressor would probably be most effective.

You could also just be exhausted or burnt out, at which point the only way you can actually make things better is by getting a proper break. Obviously some people’s life circumstances don’t really allow for that, so any small changes of getting help where you can is recommended.

lole ,

Being mad sucks. If something bad happens it sucks. If I’m mad about the bad thing that happened then I already got two things that suck. I like to minimize the suck.

GutsBerserk ,

I have this marvelous quote saved in my phone:

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

  • Marcus Aurelius
brobocop ,

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

420stalin69 ,

I pretend I’m in a zoo observing people, which I guess is called disassociation.

_edge ,

That sounds fun. Look at those apes hitting each other with stones. And nuclear bombs. How playful!

Camille ,
@Camille@lemmy.ml avatar

I never thought about dissociating this way :O I’ll give it a try next time I feel the meltdown coming

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

Evia ,
@Evia@lemmy.world avatar

Everything that Salman said.

This sounds exactly like me and my partner: a small thing can ruin his day and it ruins my day because then I have to put up with his bad mood. What’s helped him was some intense solution-based therapy to address his shitty childhood as well as an awareness that several ‘bad’ things in a row is just a coincidence and not the world (his family) out to get him.

With our kids, I’m making sure to say ‘oh well’ and not fix it immediately everytime a mild frustration happens. They see their dad getting upset and have started to copy his behaviours so we’re trying to encourage them to just brush things off before they get stuck in the mindset.

space_comrade ,

Do these feelings of anger linger for long? Personally I’m like you in the sense that tiny inconveniences piss me off but I also drop those feelings pretty quickly and go on with my day, it’s like a very short spike of anger and then back to normal, I just kinda remind myself it’s not a huge deal and go on with my life. I think it’s healthy to feel the anger just don’t dwell on it for long.

micnd90 ,

Play fighting games. It’ll teach you how to manage the salt economy within your body

yewtu.be/watch?v=gfc1MRVmJYs

salman5525 ,

12 Practical Steps for Learning to Go With the Flow

  1. Realize that you can’t control everything
  2. Become aware.
  3. Breathe.
  4. Get perspective.
  5. Practice.
  6. Baby steps.
  7. Laugh.
  8. Keep a journal.
  9. Meditate.
  10. Realize that you can’t control others.
  11. Accept change and imperfection.
  12. Enjoy life as a flow of change, chaos and beauty.
reallyzen ,
@reallyzen@lemmy.ml avatar

Even if the TP unrolls on the side of the wall?

Fungah ,

Free bitter fruit rollup

BurningRiver ,

Whoa now, let’s keep this civilized.

IzyaKatzmann ,

ah crud, don’t do this to me! wilson!!

ulkesh ,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

So many good suggestions here. And while therapy is definitely a good option, I’d start simpler before spending money on that.

I’d ask one simple question: what are your sleep habits? Sometimes it’s as simple as working to get better sleep. Not more sleep. Better sleep.

If you wake up tired, feeling physically exhausted, then a few things could be at play: you may simply need to stop eating four hours before going to bed, and only drink water, but stop that like two hours before going to bed — and try to use the toilet before going to bed no matter what.

You could be losing sleep due to using a device when you lie down. Either due to time, stimulation, light patterns, etc.

And another, bigger issue, is sleep apnea. A few of the biggest symptoms of sleep apnea are: waking up feeling physically tired (like your arms feel like salamis hanging off, or you feel in a brain fog); falling asleep in the middle of the day for what seems like no reason; finding that to get through the day, you have to have a lot of caffeine to function; nodding off easily while driving; and the most obvious of them — waking up in the middle of the night as if you had to take in a huge gasp of air.

Sleep habit issues and sleep apnea are both major causes of impatience in a person. Source: myself. When I get better sleep (especially after I got on a CPAP), I generally became a more patient person and in many ways a happier person.

There will always be other stressors than the above that can factor in, but for my money, I’d begin there. The other suggestion of drinking more water is another easy first step to see if that helps. Exercise is also an easy step to take because it has the immediate physical and chemical effect in the brain of helping to ease one’s mind.

Everyone is different, but the above has helped me.

I wish you luck in your journey.

Thavron ,
@Thavron@lemmy.ca avatar

Or: kids. I can’t remember the last time I had a good full night’s sleep.

ulkesh ,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

True.

BurningRiver ,

I’ll second the sleep apnea thing. Before I was diagnosed, I was getting terrible sleep and was constantly exhausted and irritable. I’d nod off at my desk mid afternoon occasionally. Getting that under control completely changed my life for the better.

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