Yeah the idea that somebody has a percentage rating of quality is genuine lunacy. It’s also sociopathic to overlook that being fond of someone despite their flaws or “lower rating”.
This seems to be the whole point. Neg the other person and make them question their own worth. "Oh, no! I'd better keep them happy. Is THAT GUY 10% better than me!?"
If they chew open mouthed and are not amenable to change that is a straight up deal breaker, sorry not sorry, my misophonia doesn't leave room to compromise on that.
No, it is not normal to state what percent-better-person you would leave your romantic partner for. It’s cynical and narcissistic.
What if your partner is in an accident that changes how they look or live? Now that they’re X% “less” than what you signed on for, you can just dip?
Like I get being upfront about stuff, but this is just transactional. It’s not about your commitment to another person, it’s about maximizing your return on investment.
You could have answered my question a bit earlier, I broke my nose this morning and now her divorce lawyer has informed me that my neighbor across the street has gone up to 12% better than me.
EDIT: I just went over and broke the guy’s kneecaps and am now happily married again.
You can never be sure on the Internet. Plus, I know there are people who think like this; my mom did something similar to my dad when I was a kid. When they were first dating she told him she didn’t want to be tied down, a sentiment that he thought was long over by the time they got married. Much to his surprise, she was angry that he wasn’t more accepting when he caught her cheating. Decades later, she still claims that she was entirely justified, and that my dad is an asshole for getting angry at her.
People need to communicate these things. If either myself or my partner wants to be with someone else, it is discussed. It allows everyone to make an informed decision going forward and no one is betrayed. Only time this ever happened with us, we were with the same person
I wish people who thought like this were just upfront about wanting non-monogamy rather than sneaking around and causing pain and strife for those around then.
Like, my wife (and partner) practice ethical non-monogamy and have fire years. If one of us wants to stay outside of our thruple, we talk about it and discuss how we feel, and then make a decision everyone is happy with. There are times where something is denied (last one was because of a bad partner she ended up breaking up with a month later, who went full ‘you can’t fire me I quit’ on her), but we all work through it.
If this tweet is real then I would 100% expect something like this from this guy.
Edit: I mean I think Yudkowsky is being sincere. The lemmy OP is clearly a joke
More like do nothing. Sure if everyone follows spec nothing will break from using the wrong usb-c cable in the wrong usb-c port but it’s common to end in a situation were literally nothing happens.
Yes, but I’m pointing out how the cable is part of it in ways that wasn’t true for many older standards. So if I plug a non-data cable into a data USB-c port (say a digital camera with AAA / LR6 batteries) into a computers USB-C port then nothing happens. Same if I try to charge the camera by plugging it into a USB-c wall plug. Or if try to plug my phone into the USB-c charging port on my laptop, no matter the cable since neither phone nor laptop has the function to charge other devices. Etc etc.
I work IT and while I don’t work directly in support anymore I still get people at the office coming to me for support because I used to and we’ve outsourced it now. So I know first hand how confusing USB-C is to average users.
Even if you use a data cable, it might not have the pins/wires for usb 1.1 fallback meaning a keyboard or mouse won’t work with it. Or it might support low power only. I had to buy a usbc cable tester to validate which ones might actually work with what.
My favorite is that not all chargers support all voltages. I have a few that do 5v, 9v, and 20v, but if your device asks for 12v, you’re out of luck, you either don’t get anything, or it fails back to 9v which isn’t enough to accomplish what the device wants to do (like charge). Still, it’s standards compliant!
The standard explicitly allows but doesn’t require support of any subset of standards so you never REALLY know what that cable or charger in your hand or the devices you’re holding can actually do without finding specs in docs… It’s really infuriating. The idea of USB-C is better than the reality, which makes the push to standardize on the connector not nearly as cool as it could be.
Plug a USB-C screen into a USB-C port. Will it work?
Maybe? If the manufacturer has wired the port to the GPU for DP/HDMI alt mode it might.
… but you’ve used this display on this laptop before?
Try another port! Nope, still nothing.
Maybe it’s the cable? Rummage around through your cables and try a few out. Hope you don’t have any from the 2010s because there’s a good chance they’ll ruin your device.
The screen works! But performance is terrible, why? It’s running in DisplayLink mode.
The most common thing I see is people confusing usb-c with thunderbolt, and using the former on docks and expecting it to provide power and transmit data.
2004: non-IT person loses the cable that came with their device, has to harass IT/their tech friend to even know what type of cable they are missing, goes to a store and pays a massive mark up for a cable that is not functionally better than a cheap one but the brick and mortar stores do not stock any cheap ones. Next year they will upgrade some component or another and need to buy an adapter for the cable that will also have heinous markup. A year after that they upgrade the component on the otherside of the cable and this time have to throw the cable and adapter in a box of loose cables.
2024: non-IT person loses their device cable, shrugs and plugs in their phone charger cable… it works and is 4 times faster than the lost one, it will serve until the new one arrives they just ordered from a “top 11 usb -c cables to buy in 2024 list” they found on the first page of google, they could of got a better deal if they asked you but it’s still a good enough cable and cost 1/4 of an aux cable in 2004. they still have a box of random cables in their cupboard but they didn’t need to dig through it, they know what usb-c looks like from handling their phone 18 hours a day.
Being poly makes this a non-issue. In the case that one of my partners meets someone else they want to date at least as much as me, they do. This seems to lead to greater overall happiness.
I know for a fact that Eliezer is open to dating poly people, although I don't know if he is himself poly or just poly compatible.
If they meet someone they want to date more than you, why would they keep you around? You’re 75% less ideal. What are you bringing to the table, besides a lower average score for the polycule?
Ah, the last section. Not incredibly relevant to my post?
On the whole I don't really model an average of the polycule as a general thing. If dating someone I'm not currently would make me happier I talk to my partners about the possibility of a relationship. Thus far this has never gone in an either / or direction; it doing so would be a significant reduction in expected happiness.
Unrelatedly, that paragraph drove my autocorrect / suggester absolutely stupid. It kept trying to shove "def" into the last sentence, and suggesting other nonsense.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to poke at your anxieties! I was remarking on the arbitrary nature of the original post.
While you’re probably right that Eliezer is open to dating poly people, the post in question definitely appears to take a monogamous stance—that is, the question of whether to exchange one person for another of “higher value.”
Saying that you’re cool if
one my partners meets someone else they want to date at least as much as me, they do
is different from
I’d trade up if I found somebody 10%/25%/125% better than you
My partners bring a lot to our relationships. I find it a lot harder to understand what they see in me.
My sense is that he is talking about the modal relationship in our society, that is mono, and in which my understanding is that people often (I would say at least 10% of the time?) do in fact have the "trading up" nature. That being the case, I think it's better for the participants in a relationship to be aware of that, and at what threshold to expect it? Having a moderately awkward discussion early on seems better than the heartbreak later.
This is coming from a very ask / tell culture perspective. I'm autistic enough (diagnosed, not slang / common use) that guess culture / relationships as imperfect information games is a distinctly negative experience. I don't find any "magic" in not considering bad outcomes or pretending that potential futures don't exist (the "happily ever after" expectation) or in leaving things unsaid.
I wouldn’t call 10% of the time “often,” but let’s entertain the idea that it’s a popular concept regardless. We’ll say 100% of people are like this. And they’re constantly trying to trade up. What does that look like? Would most relationships be based on mutual trust and compassion, or would they be cynical cycles of mercenary evaluation?
Meanwhile, though you seem very rational, even the most rational person isn’t free from their subjective experience or perception. It begs the question: how much do you trust your partners’ assessment of you, or themselves, to stay the same for years to come? I can promise it will not. In this paradigm of value-over-commitment, all relationships (even poly ones) are doomed to fail.
When you make a proper commitment to someone (or multiple someones), you’re not shirking the negative possibilities by leaving your “trade-up threshold” unsaid. You’re saying, “I accept the good with the bad.”
And no, I’m not saying people should stick with an abusive partner or someone they don’t like or love. I’m saying that the “trade-up” model is an oversimplified view that places the onus of being “good enough” on another person while shedding the fundamental responsibilities of growing both as individuals and together.
Sure, “happily ever after” is a fantasy, but working toward a lifelong partnership isn’t—unless, of course, you’ve got one foot out the door from day one.
If things change, either internally or interpersonally, and people do change, then I'd rather be able to have an open discussion in those cases as well. I'm into my seventh year with my primary, and I don't foresee things breaking down in a hurry. Still, if being with me was bringing him more suffering than satisfaction, I'd want to know that. It may be that things can be improved within the relationship, although they likely won't without communication. It may also be that things can be improved within the relationship, in which case I'd prefer to know that. I want my partners to be happy, and while there would be an emotional hit to learn that they would be happier without me, I value them being happy more than I value trying to maintain a relationship that is a drag. Like fish, once the relationship is dead I think it's better to get rid of it before it starts to stink. I don't think that a relationship that doesn't make the people in it happy is worth maintaining for the sake of maintaining it.
All I’m saying is, much like using a litany of addons for World of Warcraft, that it’s possible to optimize yourself out of happiness. I don’t trust myself (or anyone else) enough to say what “percent” better someone would need to be to ditch a long-standing partnership, and anyone who does is probably a narcissist.
I still kind of miss DBM, since I raid on FFXIV these days.
I would expect a narcissist to be completely incapable of making such an evaluation to any degree of accuracy; the kind of self honesty it would require seems foreign to my understanding of the narcissistic mind. Is it possible you were thinking of sociopathy here?
Yeah, I feel that. I tried to find a happy middle ground with my add-ons, but the reality is that the game evolved with the expectation that (at mid-to-high levels of play) you use them. That sucks the fun out of it for me when I know the game itself is pushing me to plug in extra crunchy stuff. Sometimes I just wanna be a cool panda monk. And just hanging in Goldshire isn’t really the experience I want, either.
In regards to ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder), one of its hallmarks is challenges in starting or maintaining relationships. Doesn’t mean they don’t have them, just that they’re really really bad at beginning and keeping them. Meanwhile, those with ASPD are unlikely to consider the viewpoint of another person due to their impaired empathy and struggle to acknowledge others’ inner lives. I don’t think a sufferer would even consider having a conversation about this with another person.
Narcissistic personality disorder, on the other hand, often includes the pursuit of higher status by getting close to those with desirable attributes or characteristics. Unlike those with ASPD, people with NPD don’t display an impaired ability to empathize or consider others’ mental states (though they do struggle with relating to anyone else’s experiences).
A narcissist would have zero qualms in telling someone the conditions under which they would abandon them; it would reinforce their (perceived) superior value and demonstrate their power over the other person. Of course, I doubt they would love hearing their partner’s evaluation of them, and this would probably be a mostly one-sided conversation (as I imagine it often is in real life, should it happen).
But yeah, I think it’s safe to say that if you’re a climber who thinks so highly of yourself that you can put hard and fast digits on your loved ones, you’re at least a pre-narcissist.
Sometimes they were. And cables weren’t, so if you didn’t know any better you’d be plugging your headphones into Line Out. And good luck telling blue and green apart in low light while wedged between the desk and the wall.
Yeah. Haha! To be more fair, the top character in this chart should be trying to figure it out by feel, while crunched under a desk, and getting blasted by line noise.
So the idea is you set the playing field with this subject, with zero intent to actually play ball.
Become inscrutable. It’s hard to find the percentage of an unknown quantity.
They’re off thinking about percents but you’re about to become the equivalent of Andy Kaufman. One minute they’re convinced you’re Elvis, the next they’re wondering if the breadcrumb trail you’ve left about faking your death is a joke or something you’re real about.
Idk about valentine day but for everyother x-day, I (used to) always-just make a card myself, it’s not hard tbh and really I think a homemade card might should be appreciated more
Some people don’t attach value or sentimentality to $5 valentine’s day cards and would rather just spend time with their partner and spending time picking out a good card for each other can be fun. I personally like the funny ones so it can be fun to pick those out, show them to your partner, have a laugh together, and then put them back. The card brings the same amount of joy, but you don’t have to spend money or throw it away later.
Shit, if I won the lottery my wife would be the only one who’d be part of my life. Fuck everyone else, we’re disappearing into the ether to enjoy fucking around the world.
I kept the wedding invitation card from my step brother and my now step sister in law for several years.
It was just a folded piece of regular cardboard with a picture of them and a standard invitation message and I see them once a year, if even that often 😄
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