My wife told one my nephews who kept making disparaging comments at the tv “cut that shit out. In this house everyone is allowed to be the way they are”.
I think that’s a useful model for this conversation.
Yes, the difference is that this is aunt to nephew in aunt’s house. There is a definite power differential at work there, so all that’s left to do is to set the norm in a clear but respectful way.
If you don’t have that, and they don’t want to listen, then it’s hard to get through. Things are necessarily going to get either a lot more protracted or a lot less friendly.
I’m prepared to lose contact with people that are problematic or toxic, especially those with the more radical views, but it’s not nice to watch someone I’ve known for many years gradually lose all their friends for similar reasons.
Maybe you could rent a mobility scooter instead? Some are suitable for indoors (3 wheels) and the speed is adjustable. It might save the use of your arms and hands, which are not used to the movements you need to make
I use podman mainly because it’s very easy to manage using systemd services. Unfortunately, the command for generating these service files, podman-generate, is deprecated and won’t receive new features.
Auto updating is done just using a simple tag and enabling a systemd timer to do it regularly for you.
It’s easiest to start with the rootful mode, you won’t have additional settings to set and no issues with permissions, UIDs and networking.
For networking, I always create a network per service I want to run. For example Nextcloud and its database would go in one network and you’d only forward the port for the webinterface for outside access.
In addition to networks I also use pods, this basically groups the containers together to start/stop them as one. If you use this, you have to set your port forwarding here.
i think one of the main points was that there hasn’t been enough research to know those things. all they know is that the chemicals don’t break down, accumulate in the body, and are in everything. they dont’ know which one(s) lead to cancer, or how much of it is bad. followed by a bunch of dubious advice like “eat out less,” but with not even a hint about how to hold corporations accountable
This is the hard part. Modern techniques can detect just about anything in anything, down to parts per billion or less.
So we all have measurable quantities of PFAS , radioactive materials, arsenic, plastics, endocrine disrupters and so on and so forth, but there are very few actual hard numbers as to what levels are distinctly harmful and what levels are just “something else will kill you long before this does”.
the comparison with “water poisoning” isn’t valid since it’s not like you overdose and you die, instead it accumulates in your body and has life shortening effects. Your body normally digests things in a non poisonous dose and it leaves your body after a while, that’s what’s different.
I found the most effective way is not to explain it all at one time, but to make off the cuff remarks that clearly show you disagree with what they said without making it sound like you’re attacking thembecuse they’ll stop internalizing anything you say instantly that way.
I knew someone that often made homophobic comments, and I always made a point to casually reply “nah, it never really bothered me”, or “sure, but it doesn’t affect your life at all” and shrug.
For a long time they said something like “yuck, It’s just gross” or " I don’t like it", but I never pursued the topic any more than my disagreeing comments until months later they asked me “okay, seriously how does it not bother you that gay people…”
That’s the point where you can bring up logic or expand on what you think.
And again, don’t go overboard, but you can expand on the points that it doesn’t affect your life how other people choose to love or who other people choose to love, and isn’t the world a better place with more love in it?
Simple, concise, irrefutable statements that are easy to digest once someone is asking questions and willing to listen to your answer.
Then you just let them digest that.
Apparently the comment that eventually clicked in their head in my situation was “isn’t the world a better place with more love in it?” because we interacted almost daily and they didn’t make homophobic comments for a while after the one time we had a longer conversation about gay people(they had been making less homophobic comments around me since I began replying with those casual comments during this whole process, which took months probably), and then one day we went to dinner again and he explicitly told me that that comment had been rattling around in his head and while he still thought it was weird for two dudes to kiss each other, he had come to the conclusion that it was crazy for him to react so strongly because obviously the world is a better place with more love in it and besides it doesn’t actually affect his life at all.
And I just said " that’s great" or something and left it at that.
So now anytime I hear someone say something -ist, I casually but directly disagree and then let it go until the next time or unless they ask what I mean.
Anything I’ve tried to talk to in any extended manner without them expressing curiosity for first pulls their limbs and head into a shell and works on developing whatever prejudice they have to make it more foolproof and less prone to examination.
2nd:
It doesn’t always take months, I mett one guy walking his dog sitting at a park bench once who had similar prejudices and I did the exact same thing, a casual comment and he wanted to enter into a deeper conversation right away that it later became clear, had led him to critically examining his ideas.
Yeah for someone to change their whole viewpoint takes time.
Imagine if someone was gonna try to argue that your opinion on a recent conflict is wrong. Obv if it’s that confronting you’re gone disregard that. But if he says something about it every once in a while you start to think more about and then you learn and grow. Because either you come to the conclusion your standpoint is really short sighted, or you at least appreciate their perspective.
And let me be clear: whatever you learn, it will be a good thing, because the more perspective, the more experience.
I have a friend who votes for trump and we clash heads a lot about politics, but I know I will learn so much about his viewpoint it is worth it to a certain degree, and I’m not gonna try to “convince” him, because I want him to critically think about his opinions and learn what he needs to from my perspective.
If you wanna fight racism for example, be a living example about how stupid it is and how nice it feels to know you can judge people by what they do and not what they look like. Don’t talk about, just be clear whenever the topic comes up.
kbin.life
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