The coating just keeps water from ‘sticking’ to it or from soaking in to cloth etc. it doesn’t do anything special aside from that, you’d just have a normal bucket of water in this case
This is tmi, and fucked up - but I have ptsd from a shooting and have trouble with stuff like...loud bass and sudden bangs still. But right after it happened, I couldn't trust a fucking soul. Cause I was all sorts of messed up in the head, and I am so thankful for those that pulled me out. One being my therapist, who I found on Open Path. But either way, in time I realized that I didn't even know how to trust myself anymore because I was so fucked up. And when I worked on that, I felt like I could trust others again...to a point. Never like I used to. Because I straight used to be pure heart on my sleeve. But I did get back to being able to trust as a whole, and that helped with a lot of other things. While I am not 100% better, and might never be (idk, I just take it one day at a time) - I am like way better than I was when I was in the thick of it all.
Also it sucks you feel like you lost your dreams. But perhaps it's time to re-evaluate what that is, if it's worth pursuing or if it's something worth laying down. Because sometimes some stuff is straight up a situation of place and time and whether we like it or not - it's just worth letting go of it otherwise it drives us crazy. You sound like a realist - how you type. But also clearly a dreamer (cause you wouldn't have dreams if you weren't). So maybe figure out a way to combine the two to reconnect yourself to happiness.
As for finding friends? Eh, I used to be able to make them pretty easily. Some fall off, some don't. An ex told me she was once told by a person who is no longer with us (cancer) that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I recently had to come to terms with pretty much losing my best friend. Who I grew up with, and have walked through so much life with. But he's on a different path than me, and we've just split at the seams. And there's only so much reaching out you can do, before it's just something you let go. It hurt, but I think ultimately it is what it is. Still makes me sad, but what can I do about it? There was no dramatic fight, or event or anything. He just sort of drifted off. And it is what it is.
I have heard volunteering can connect you to new folks. Back when I did (I'm focusing on my health right now so that door is closed for me) I will say that I met some cool folks but I didn't really make any deep connections so I'm not sure if that's 100% true. I do know that friends you can make online can become something far deeper. As I used to run a forum, and still stay connected to a handful of folks I met there. So perhaps that'd be the best place to start. Because it's low-commitment and high-gain if you hit it off with someone. Focus on things you enjoy and branch off from there. GL, and never forget to love yourself. Because that helps all the rest of the pieces fall together.
I think I worked out most of why The Orb is so special. Mainly because it’s funny, but also largely because it introduces you to a certain type of belief system, which can appear again today if you build up logic and maths or even physics principles.
It’s an ancient belief system people don’t normally use anymore, but that still holds a lot of power. A lot of people would ponder their Orb to try to make informed decisions long in the past, though, before Science.
The history of pondering started in the era of Gorgamel, during the second dynasty of the luke warm giants. Teridius the meticulous was decorating his garden, when he spotted a round, reflective object.
As he sat down and started to stare at it he was spotted by a light catcher trying to steal the souls of the local faerie populace. This image was spread from mirrors to reflective ponds across the lands.
Old Teridius had suddenly spurred on a trend that would take the wizard college by storm, and have the local witches covens giggling over whose orb was most shiney.
And so ends this fake fantasy history lesson, largely because my team lead is banging on the stall door, telling me I’m not supposed to ponder the orb on company time. Screw you, Terry, it’s a mental health provision and you’re actively hindering it. Maybe you should ponder the orb - you creep.
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I also stuck my dick in crazy. Terrible idea. The main problem was that I was too dumb/dense to see the red flags, one of them being my mom, of all people, not liking her.
It was good sex, I was her first, but I didn’t want to make it anything other than some no-commitment flings. Once I started a proper relationship with another woman later, crazy stalked my gf online, full of threats. Crazy ended up in a psychiatric ward about a month later and her mother called me, asking me to “please go visit her, she loves you from the bottom of her heart”.
Against my better judgement, I actually went. The place looked like an insane asylum that should’ve been force-closed decades ago. Horrible smell, filthy, the inmates (dunno if that’s the correct term, but feels appropriate) pretty much relied on relatives for any hygiene. Crazy hugged me, but I was just so appalled with the place I didn’t even know how to react. She got out about a week later and her mom was still trying to play cupid, saying she was much better now and wouldn’t skip her meds anymore, but I told her I was happy with my girlfriend and blocked her.
I once went absolutely flat broke fucking down on someone, but the ass was soooooo GOODDDDksfha;lksfhafklhasf!! But also you know, not worth it. But still kinda a "damn" thought in my head. Hahahaha! But really, you get SO DUMB when you're thinking with your downstairs bits over your upstairs bits. Or like, in conjunction =P! Hormones~~~~
You know what? We're so dumb when we're er...young, dumb and full of cum =P! No, but really - we're SO FUCKING DUMB! My gal comes in the other day and she's singing a song about how she loves pussy. And it made me think about this one black lady who was on the tv saying dick will make you slap somebody. But it's true though. Like - that thing that you love can make you so damn stupid and weak and do crazy shit and go against your boundaries even if you think you've got them set in concrete. I swear to god I grew the fuck up when I realized that I don't need to be leaning in to that part of me anymore. And instead can just like - be a person who wants to spend time with another person. However that is. Like it's just so much more chill. But also, and this is just my thoughts on the matter - some of my most beloved folks are bipolar. And I just found out another one of my lovies has BPD. And I love the whole lot of them flaws and all. And I also have some lovies who have had addiction issues. And I myself am a smattering of whatever this energy is that you see before you (medicated yet absolutely insane ADHD!?) - which is to say that I think there's a lotta stigma against dating folks with mental disorders but that you know - they're human and most definitely loveable. And while I do think there's a level of chaotic energy that is just not healthy to be around. The kind that acts like life is a movie, and there's a camera that's always hidden right "off screen" so they always are bringing this dramatic energy. But there are also as I said before a lot of people who have been pushed aside by life by so many and are just little love bugs out here trying to be the best them they can be. And I have a lot of love and respect for that. But also know about women who've used babies they've had young with men as weapons. So you know, I hear you. Glad you learned what not to stick your dick in =P! Hope you got that good pussy now (iffin that's what you're still sticking stuff into).
Oh - and super not depressed or having a way to manage that depression. There's a scene in Beasts of the Southern Wild here the main character and her father are shouting at each other "WHO'S THE MAN!?" "I'M THE MAN!" And I do that internally whenever I get down. Because it pumps me up, but it's also so tender it gives me a heart boost too =)! Was trying to share the clip but all I found was this three second waste of space.
Please get rid of it. I’ll figure my own truth from facts I descern are true. I don’t need someone else telling me what to believe. Especially with the election coming up…
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