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alexisbushnell

@[email protected]

Neurodivergent knot untangler - slaying your brain gremlins with practical, personalised help (and #Notion templates).

Social media manager at Time For Kindness.

Passionate about accessibility and #sustainability. Learning #BSL.
Learning to sew, grow and mend for a #SolarPunk future.

#ActuallyAutistic

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lexx3000 , (edited ) to actuallyautistic German
@lexx3000@masto.ai avatar

@actuallyautistic i keep seeing here hyperfixation on being "extremely organised" as a definitely autistic trait, while messy being assigned to adhd and i'm (adult diagnosed) living with a diagnosed in a childhood person and we're messy as hell, especially in combination while neither of us suspect adhd and it's just very annoying to have it as a given here, does anyone share this even?

EDIT: removed ocd organised as it keeps being misread, replaced it with hyperfixation

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@benetnasch @lexx3000 @actuallyautistic To follow up on this - I'm very organised and do not have OCD. I know people who have OCD and are not organised at all, quite the opposite, they aren't the same.
OCD is an often debilitating illness which causes a lot of distress and has absolutely nothing to do with organisation.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Just sent a message to my work coach to basically say that it's not worth it for me because the problem is I'm overwhelmed and dealing with burnout, and the additional paperwork, meetings and stress required are making me less able to work so I think it's best if I close my claim.

I really need Access To Work to pull their fingers out and help me.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@actuallyautistic I've not even had 1 payment for UC yet, I only got approved last month, but it's just not worth it. I'm gonna be over the threshold this month anyway. It's so complicated and confusing.

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@actuallyautistic had a reply from my work coach:

"Sorry to hear that you felt overwhelmed during the last appointment. Now that you have accepted the commitment, we do not need to see you till February 2024. All you need to do is report your income and expenses every month so that can calculate your benefits.

If you wish to close your claim then please let me know."

So basically they won't make any adjustments to make it feasible for an human to claim.

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@quietmarc @actuallyautistic oh you are 100% right on that.

alexisbushnell OP , (edited )
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@actuallyautistic sent a follow up message suggested by @Zumbador (thank you) to get the reply:

"I can see that you have completed the Income and Expenses on your account and your claim will be kept open."

There is literally no way for them to make accommodations to make feasible for me.

Have replied:
"I would like to close my claim please.
Can you please advise me where I can make a complaint about the inaccessibility of the process?"

CynAq , to actuallyautistic
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic

I wanted to write a bloggish post about the etymology of the word autism, and I wanted to be precise as to how the word was coined.

The wikipedia article for "the history of autism" naturally came up first, with this disclaimer I'll attach.

It struck me as funny and slightly ironic that an article about autism was deemed "too long to read and navigate with too many overly lengthy quotations".

I wonder how the community feels about it.

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@CynAq @zigi_now9 @actuallyautistic that's a really good point, if it is from the German then it leans heavily into Autism as a lack. "Allistic" as having "all" the necessary whatever and Autistics as somehow missing things.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

My autistic brain’s aversion to surprises extends to gifts. I’m grateful when people think of me and want to buy me gifts, but 99% of the time I’d rather they didn’t. Surprise gifts or gifts in general
can carry great expectations and generally bring me so much stress that I derive little joy from them.

Even if its something I really like. Its the same when buying gifts for others too, I don't like it. I'm not being "tight with money" or lazy.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I'm ok with gifts unless it's something I don't understand why they've got it for me.

Like when relatives that don't know me get me generic stuff like "smellies" or something. Why? I don't understand the desire to waste money and contribute to environmental destruction just to send something to someone you never talk to and have no actual relationship with.

I love meaningful gifts but I do also need to be in the right headspace - I need to have prepared.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Noooo. The casserole dish is already being used and the stew I'd planned to take already uses so much executive function I don't have the capacity to figure out an alternative dish so dinner is snookered.

@actuallyautistic

seanwithwords , to actuallyautistic
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

Late-identified people, I'd love to hear what your meltdowns look like.

I feel like much of my time is spent with disregulated body sensations. I often feel an urge to DO something but I get so twisted up in executive function indecision-making + ableist shame/judgement about looking "wrong," and with 5 decades of "moving with the sole purpose of not being noticed," that I only melt down on the inside.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@TeacherGriff @seanwithwords @actuallyautistic before I realised I was Autistic I always referred to as "the teaspoon drop" cos often the thing that overflowed my bucket was something tiny like dropping a teaspoon while making a drink.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Y'all, Autistic burnout is so rough.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@Kellyshenanigans @actuallyautistic totally agree

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Is anyone else going to the summit in a couple of weeks?

Info: https://autismexplained.kartra.com/page/9gF98?kref=RJfieOxd9qCp

@actuallyautistic

ScriptFanix , to actuallyautistic
@ScriptFanix@maly.io avatar

Today, the addictologist told me it's usual for @actuallyautistic people to have some addiction or another. So please tell me, do you have one?

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@ScriptFanix @actuallyautistic yep. Struggled with alcohol (alcoholism also runs in my family) so went tee total because I do not want to go down that path.
Mostly ex smoker but god I miss it and am very easily tempted when offered.

I am very aware of how easy it is for me to become addicted to things and try to mitigate for that now where possible, and where the addiction would be dangerous/bad for me.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

I am so far past exhausted.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

I have been out basically all day and evening.
I am exhausted and very confused now I'm home and everything has stopped.

@actuallyautistic

CynAq , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

Edit: This was a fantastic thread, thanks for all the contributions :blobcatbirthday:

As of now, with first person comments from Roddenberry himself, my own position is the two characters were not intended as depictions of any then known neurotype but diverse characters for the sake of diversity and acceptance of the different.

It looks like almost all of us are in agreement that they are likeable characters and respectful in their execution.

The original post:

Wait wait… wait. Fuck! Wait…

Someone tell me Spock and Data aren’t attempts to be inclusive of autistic people in the arguably the most progressive franchise of its time, please.

They are, aren’t they?


@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@adamswbrown @philpem @CynAq @actuallyautistic same, I said to a friend earlier today while watching TNG that I really wish holodecks existed.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Is there a way to re-puff my ? It's been very squished and squeezed and is getting lumpy and flat.

I'm scared to put it through the washing machine in case that makes it worse!

@actuallyautistic any ideas?

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Does anyone else here take , the supplement from the Vegan society?

Cos my new batch taste totally different and now I don't want to take them because they're so icky.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Urgh, physical sensations get so much more intense just before my period and I hate it.
Everything tastes wrong. My earbuds hurt more than usual after a shorter time than usual. The floor hurts my feet. My joints hurt.

Hate it.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@mambearpnw @wakame @Zumbador @actuallyautistic IME there's little objective anything behind official diagnoses from people who are trained.
I've been given multiple different dx depending on the psychiatrist's personal biases, what things they choose to ignore or not ask about, where their own knowledge is lacking, and what was popular when they diagnosed me.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Finally finished my Autism triage assessment forms - have attached info on BPD vs Autism, raads-r and cat-q test results, and a letter from my housemate.

Posting tomorrow and crossing fingers.

@actuallyautistic

ar_collins , to actuallyautistic
@ar_collins@neurodiversity-in.au avatar

Question for other people with , what is your experience with mindfulness as a practice, esp. in the therapy context?

I find it’s wildly counter-productive and am keen to get other people’s perspectives to potentially create some training aroujd Aphantasia-accessible alternatives for colleagues.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

alexisbushnell ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@ar_collins @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I find it really helpful. Not the typical mindfulness stuff but I find focusing on physical sensations or just focusing on my breathing to be very grounding and helpful.
I also find the Buddhify mindfulness meditations great because they mostly don't do visualisation, they focus on connecting to your body or tuning into what's happening in your mind with a non judgemental but curious attitude.

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

I am struggling so much with burnout and I don't know how it's going to improve if nothing outside of me changes and I'm exhausted and just want to be functional again.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Starting to fill out my Autism triage assessment paperwork and I don't have anyone whose known me since childhood I can get to talk to them - am I already screwed?

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

@marenf @actuallyautistic I hope so...

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

OMFG! Autism is often comorbid with aphantasia!!! What?!?!?! I knew I had aphantasia first!

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

2015 me wrote in a journal "I am hiding my true self so as to try and blend in. I am different from everyone else, but I'm scared of that fact. I am trying to blend in but I am too different."

She was so right but didn't understand it was being and masking.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to random
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Looks less likely I'll get an Autism assessment having just had a letter saying they're now running a triage service and I have to contact then if I want to be put on the list to be seen by them, and if they decide I need an assessment then I'll be put on the currently 20 month long waiting list for an assessment...

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

urgh, I'm burnt out and forgot to even add the tag or group @actuallyautistic .

Basically Cardiff & the Vale are trying to put people off going for Autism assessments.

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

This is the letter I had from them.

@actuallyautistic

We have received your referral to Cardiff & Vale Integrated Autism Service for a diagnostic assessment of autism. Triage Clinic From the 1st September 2022, all individuals who have new referrals accepted by the service for autism assessments will be invited to attend our triage clinic. Information for people attending a triage appointment: Prior to being offered a triage appointment, you will be asked to return a questionnaire. You will then be offered an appointment at the triage clinic where you will be assessed by two experienced clinicians who will determine whether further assessment of autism is indicated. . If further assessment is indicated, you will be added to the waiting list for assessment. If further assessment is not indicated, you will be discharged from the Integrated Autism Service and directed to other services or resources, as required. Please note, the triage clinic will offer rapid initial access to the service; however, should individuals need further assessment the waiting time is currently 20 months. We are hopeful that the implementation of the triage clinic will reduce the waiting times in the long term.

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Very proud of myself for making myself send the "I would still like to go ahead with the assessment" email.

@actuallyautistic

Private
alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Leaning into one of my special interests; planning and organising.

Have printed and am now cutting and folding my new DIY Fish inserts for when my planner arrives hopefully later this week.

@actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to random
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

So tired and still recovering from 3 work calls yesterday that everything is too much. I'm about 1 wrong sound away from a meltdown.

alexisbushnell OP ,
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Today I am definitely feeling "very Autistic." The overload is so real.

Taking it slow work wise today and leaning into the sensory self care.

alexisbushnell , to random
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

OMG I might be having a revelation.
I found my high school leaving book the other day and it has this page in it where my friends wrote down the phrases I'd said through my entire high school - I said them so often (multiple times a day every day) that they became a "thing."

Now wondering if this is an thing cos I'm the same now though many of the phrases have changed.

My old name is on the top (I changed it in the alt text) - please ignore!

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