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Luvs2Spuj ,

Imagine being a regular foot soldier in this era, wearing some leather armour and maybe chain mail. Then this steel behemoth comes at you with his pals.

pipows ,
@pipows@lemmy.today avatar

Leather armor was mostly not a thing. Afaik you’d be using a padded armor like gambeson or brigandine

Gambeson armor

Thcdenton ,

BONK

uriel238 ,
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

History confirms Henry VIII had huge scathing fragile ego problems. So this all tracks.

Dagwood222 ,

The theory I’ve heard is that he loved jousting and took a lot of head injuries. Post Concussion Syndrome explains a lot of his personality.

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

There’s a set of Henry’s armor hanging out at the Met as well. I was pleasantly surprised to bump into it en route to see the gaudy-as-hell frame they put on Washington Crossing the Delaware.

Since we can’t meet Henry himself, meeting one of his suits of armor is the next best thing. It wasn’t nearly as fat as the paintings would suggest.

ripcord ,
@ripcord@lemmy.world avatar

He might have been fat later, maybe!

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

You’re not wrong.

SatansMaggotyCumFart ,

How many cods can they fit in there?

SoleInvictus ,

Salted or fresh?

SatansMaggotyCumFart ,

That’s a pretty fucking personal question innit?

SoleInvictus ,

Tis, tis.

Bougie_Birdie ,
@Bougie_Birdie@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’ve heard before that the generous bulges of this era have something to do with knights having rampant syphilis and needing more room to breathe.

Isn’t history neat?

rockerface ,

Or they just had them made large so that their descendants think they were more endowed than they really were. Like paying an artist to make your portrait prettier

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

When did people start thinking big wangs were cool? Cuz I’ve seen some ancient Roman and Greek stuff that had the opposite view of large genitals with sentiments like “a man with a big penis is only good at having sex, and having sex is basically useless.”

TempermentalAnomaly ,

They would also stuff it with herbs to help alleviate the pain and catch anything that might cause stains.

homesweethomeMrL ,

Wot did you say?

I said, “codpiece face!”

Wot did you say?!

I said codpiece face!

Wot did you say?!

I said -

Look, don’t be evasive!

Oh, sod it

HonkTonkWoman ,

Sir Edmond of The Rusty Dongs: “Oi, fit bird, I wanna take you 'ome and give you a ride in me full kit until you come down with the rusty nail and Jack the Ripper.”

ArbitraryValue ,

It reminds me of this more recent fashion trend:

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/0fc141e1-3c9b-4b21-8dd4-e20575f188da.png

Everythingispenguins ,

Ah yes the era of bullet bras and sweater girls.

massive_bereavement ,
@massive_bereavement@kbin.social avatar

That's because back then we had less poligons to go around.

Everythingispenguins ,

This was pretty common to have an exaggerated cod piece in your armor during this era https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/da351a19-ca89-47e6-9415-864d990991d2.jpeg

messynessychic.com/…/fashion-historys-most-fluste…

PopcornPrincess ,

Makes a fair maiden wonder 🫦

Everythingispenguins ,

I am sure when the lovely princess strips her victorious knight of his armor she is going to be severely disappointed.

missphant ,
@missphant@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I can’t unsee the second one as a huge frenulum, it’s a painful mental image.

DaddleDew ,

That’s how insecure people coped back then. Lifted pickup trucks didn’t exist yet.

Everythingispenguins ,

What about lifted wagons?

lastunusedusername2 ,

Sad to think we never got armor nuts

fleabomber ,
@fleabomber@lemmy.world avatar

It’s never too late to follow your dreams lastunusedusername2.

s1ndr0m3 ,

I’ve heard that it is not uncommon for men to get erections during or after battle due to adrenaline and increase in blood pressure. I can imagine that this might be very uncomfortable in a full suit of armor. Maybe these enlarged cad pieces were an attempt to address that.

Everythingispenguins ,

I am a little suspicious of that fact, but I don’t know

If that was the case we would see exaggerating cod pieces in many more types of armor. Oh and a hole in the gambeson.

Really this was just the rolled sock of the day. It was all over mens fashion at the time.

Waraugh ,

You fight a dragon and get to the gorgeous princess that you risked your life for, the love of your life, you still got that armor on, you are going full mast, the fool is the one without armor to support it as they never truly believed they would defeat the dragon in the first place.

GratefullyGodless ,
@GratefullyGodless@lemmy.world avatar

It somehow feels very appropriate that you called them cad pieces.

s1ndr0m3 ,

Ha. I didn’t even notice. I think my phone autocorrected.

BedSharkPal ,

Doesn’t pass the smell test for me. Erections are the result of nitric oxide release relaxing vasculature to allow more blood to flow in no?

Like, isn’t cocaine dick a thing?

sevenism ,

Bloodlust

ScruffyDucky ,

Medieval version of driving a big car :)

HonkTonkWoman ,

Now I kinda want to know what constitutes medieval truck nuts…

ScruffyDucky ,

there you go :)

image

HonkTonkWoman ,

Beautiful… just beautiful

Everythingispenguins , (edited )

Na the real men have spikey ones

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/8737de0c-bfc7-4d2c-822c-9861b16e51dd.jpeg

Spelling

Fallenwout ,

Imagine hitting a dent in that bulge. Metal doesn’t dent back out, I’ll be a struggle to walk or strip your armor while it is crushed the entire time.

It is today’s equivalent to catching it between your zipper.

AlolanYoda ,

Easy. Just get an erection to force the metal back out.

I can’t wait to find this comment in my history after having forgotten the context.

Empricorn ,

Or to see it as Google’s “AI Overview” recommendation for knights and armorers.

HonkTonkWoman ,

…and now all I can think about is Warren, from There’s Something About Mary, chasing an armored knight Ted around yelling, “BANGERS & MASH!!! BANGERS AND MASH!”

Peter1986C ,
@Peter1986C@lemmings.world avatar

Cod pieces are like toques. There is no flesh in there.

RestrictedAccount ,

Choadpiece

rockerface ,

Custom fit, I see

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