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Is it odd that I can't hold a grudge?

I legitimately find it difficult to long term stay annoyed with people who have wronged me. I have close friends and family telling me how ridiculous it is I’m still in touch and friendly with people I used to consider friends but briefly cut them out after they treated me horribly. I can see the logic and feel as though I SHOULD hate certain people for how they’ve been in the past but I just don’t feel any anger or resentment and am quite happy to just forget the past. Is this weird and/or unhealthy?

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

I’m a serial bridge burner. That doesn’t mean I hold a grudge. I cut people out of my life if they’ve done something that shows me I can’t trust them anymore, or that they don’t care about me at all. If we cross paths (accidentally) again, I’ll be polite but not friendly.

Keeping friends for me is an investment, and holding a grudge is also an investment. Friendships give me positive returns, grudges only losses.

What I don’t understand is people who keep in touch with those who wronged them, and also hold a grudge. That’s the definition of toxic relationships. The only exception would be with family you just can’t cut ties easily.

Now if you are the type that forgives and forgets easily, well, hats off to you. It all depends on what the situation was though. Sometimes one is surrounded by people who like to keep of these toxic relationships in their lives, and of course, they won’t understand that you can forgive and forget.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I don’t think it’s unhealthy to stop holding a grudge, but I do think it’s unwise to let someone back into your life after they have mistreated you to the level that you’ve decided to cut them off in the first place. My former best friend stole $400 from my mother through a con, most likely to buy drugs. I am no longer angry at him about it, but he will no longer have a place in my life because, firstly, people who con old ladies are not people I wish to associate with and, secondly, he could do something similar or worse.

So I don’t dwell on him, I don’t want to find him and slap him or yell at him, I just don’t want to be in touch with him anymore. I don’t hold a grudge, I just don’t want him in my life.

LimitedDuck ,

Do you have any rationale behind keeping in touch with those people in spite of their treatment of you? What do you believe about their future behaviour?

Num10ck ,

its wonderful. Grudges are horrible investments. Most people build up defenses and stress about them deeply. The path of grace is profound but requires inner strength and empathy. Of course there are downsides like vulnerability and ‘shame on me’. the art is to truly forgive without forgetting.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

I can’t hold one either!

So it’s not weird to me.

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