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is it possible to be married and still feel lonely?

I always considered marriage the epitome of feeling connected: you share a life with a partner and maybe even have children. Society at least acts like it is.

I have a coworker in his 40s, conservative and Christian, married to a woman holding a job, he is also employed and has a good job, all things considered and they have a child.

I don’t see this person much but each time he sees me he approaches to basically complain and rant, mostly about democrats and foreigners, getting very emotional to the point of crying.

At first I hated him for spewing so much shit, but now I think I’m starting to pity him: he has a job, is married to a working woman, they have a child, they are homeowners… and he still feels angry and needs to rant to feel good. It’s like he’s angry at everything.

Which takes me to think, maybe there are things men need emotionally that women cannot provide, but I couldn’t write a list.

What are some of these connections men need out of a marriage?

xmunk ,

Dude was probably raised on stupid conservative shit and never did the work to find happiness in himself.

You don’t need connections to be happy and the connections people are drawn to tend to amplify what they’re putting into the relationship. If this dude is miserable and looking to others to fix it they’re just going to dig their hole deeper.

I’d clarify that this is different from leaning on friends when you’re going through a hard time, if you establish a positive relationship you can lean on it for stability when your life is rough… and some folks culture positive relationships during hard times by compartmentalizing them into a positive part of their lives (an example I’ve seen was a friend who joined our board game group during a rough time but didn’t reveal their troubles until later - when all that shit was going down our space was where she came to just have a good time and be positive).

Life’s hard. People raised on the ideology of bootstraps and “Having a family will fix it” are playing on extra hard mode.

morphballganon ,

watches hate-spewing tv programs like fox news

is consequently angry

surprised pikachu face

Marriage is a piece of paper. You can absolutely get married to someone you still feel alone around. Being not angry requires something a little more than a piece of paper.

bender223 ,

He probably watches a lot of right wing/conservative media, and those shows generally aim to get people riled up to be against democrats and foreigners to an unreasonable extent. That and other personal issues messed up his brain. Like others have said, dude needs therapy.

Fapper_McFapper , (edited )

Sometimes men like that just need cock. Some men find happiness between the folds of their favorite recliner, others just need a good old fashioned cock down.

Edit: Looks like I found a few more lonely men that need a good cock down. Get off Fox News and get on Grinder, you’ll be much happier! Promise.

riquisimo ,

Brah. braaaahhh

Idk what else to say. Just, braaahhhh

tiefling ,

Marriage is a legal and religious construct. It does not fix a lack of connection.

ByteOnBikes ,

I met a former religious couple at my old job.

She and her husband are in their 40s and tried to invite us to an orgy. I did the polite thing and let them know maybe later.

She showed me photos of her dressed like an Amish person in her 30s. She shared that during that time, her kids and church kept her busy. She and her husband never felt aligned, but they feel a strong loneliness when they’re not together.

And when her kids went to college, she and her husband finally bonded and discovered they both love orgies. And it was only at that moment when, after like 20 years of marriage, did they actually connect as human beings.

Wild.

aStonedSanta ,

I think you are conflating the vision of success with happiness. These two things hold no relation.

PixelAlchemist ,

The thing about marriage is that anybody can do it. You don’t have to love somebody to marry them. It isn’t special. There’s no test you have to take together or qualifications you have to meet.

So yeah - he’s angry, and lonely, and he’s also married, but none of those things are related to each other.

Sounds like he needs therapy, but in our society men aren’t encouraged to share emotions if it doesn’t perpetuate an image of strength. So he’s expressing his emotions in a “socially acceptable” way: anger. Which is probably what also got him into these backwards ideas about his political ideology as well.

vzq ,

Your coworker is a twat.

ByteOnBikes ,

Ignoring his political alignment, anybody who comes to work and vent about their home life just sucks in general. Doesn’t matter what walk of life they come from.

Fucking energy vampire.

They’re not lonely, they’re just assholes.

theilleists ,

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/e8e9a7be-708e-4a29-93af-8faa85847436.jpeg

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