My point with that article… isn’t that men aren’t. My point is that it’s pretty messy.
Is it self defense or retaliation? When they both claim to be the victim, which do you believe?
Further, self defense doesn’t really hold when you stay with that abusive person for years. Or decades.
I am not trying to say that men can’t be perpetrators. We can be. We frequently are. I’m trying to attack the notion that women can’t be perpetrators too, because the vast majority of men don’t ever report, and those that do are frequently not believed- and locked up for it.
It wasn’t domestic- but my experience. I was a Supe for contract security working onsite because a client had an event going and needed manpower.
A rich, drunk, and very grabby cougar decided we were going to have sex. Over the course of the incident, I popped her sternum to push her back (not a full punch, more of a shove with a knuckle. It hurts and it’s almost involuntary to step back,) to open space. She fell (again, drunk,) and didn’t get the message so I tased her.
Naturally, she was the only one showing injury. I was wearing a body cam that night and despite the sexual assault happening on two different security cameras, and my body camera, I was very nearly charged with assault, very nearly lost my job (for getting arrested)
The sexual assault was never charged and won’t be found on any official statistic. They slapped her with disorderly, which is a petty misdemeanor (on the order of a speeding ticket.).
And the cop that told me “dude, you should have just found a closet and fucked her,” still works as a cop, and was simply transferred out of the precinct because the lady-cop that specialized in sexual assault got pissed. His partner was never disciplined.