we were like 14 years old when dude said “well, today’s the day”. then he took a banana out of one drawer of his desk, and a condom out of another drawer. like they had always been there. like they belonged there. like the box his desk came in said “sturdy construction, faux wood grain paneling, and advanced banana and condom storage solutions.” he then took ten minutes to explain to us that condoms don’t work, and we shouldn’t trust them, and that only by not fucking will we be safe from wrath, rack and ruin. He then tried to put the condom on the banana, struggled with it being upside down for a bit, and BROKE THE FUCKING BANANA.
This was the state of sex ed in the wilds of Pennsylvania circa 2000