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m/Polyamory is LIVE

I searched this morning for communities related to polyamory and open relationships. Finding nothing, I created something. If you are interested in polyamory, open relationships, ethical non-monogamy, etc, swing on by for a chat, to post something silly, as you will.

edit: /m/Polyamory

Blaze ,

Interesting topic. Any link to share?

Elevator7009 ,

/m/Polyamory
/c/[email protected]

Delighted to see another Mbin magazine for once. It is the Fediverse, and lately it's been feeling like the Lemmyverse. Hope this gets users.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

TY! I'm still learning the syntax.

moon ,

Also, any women to share?

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Are women things to be shared? I'm not sure you are quite getting the right idea.

moon ,

That’s the poly- in polyamory

Guess I hit a nerve lol

Holyginz ,

No, you don’t understand how it works and made a dumb comment

moon ,

Dang I’m getting insulted by the dudes who let other guys bang their girlfriends

kitnaht ,

This is absolutely disgusting behavior from someone on Lemmy. How DARE you. They might have boyfriends too.

rami ,

“let”

as if we’re incapable of having sex without a man’s permission.

moon ,

As opposed to traditional monogamous relationships, that’s the correct word. Otherwise it’s not “mono”-gamy. If you are not “letting” the other person in an exclusive relationship sleep with another person, then that’s considered cheating. Why am I explaining extremely common and basic stuff like I’m speaking to non binary aliens lol, please go outside.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Non-Binary Aliens are welcome here. ;-)

Holyginz ,

Not the brightest bulb are ya? Continuing to double down on your stupid comments

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

I have a difficult time differentiating between active trolling and a lack of knowledge/ understanding. u/Moon appears to be leaning trollward. However calling someone stupid, or dumb is ableist or elitist. People have differing levels of cognitive capacity and education. And learning occurs over time, but not by the same linear path for each of us. Ultimately what I'm trying to say is education is better than ad hominem attacks. Also, don't feed the trolls.

Holyginz ,

Fair point

DeltaTangoLima ,
@DeltaTangoLima@reddrefuge.com avatar

To be fair, he called the troll’s comments dumb and stupid - not the troll itself. Which they were.

Not sure about the troll, though. I have my suspicions. ;)

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Point taken. I'm not modding here. The accused troll seems to have not much to say. shrug Being in a new group always sets off neural response networks, various strategies emerge. Not all are successful.

DeltaTangoLima ,
@DeltaTangoLima@reddrefuge.com avatar

All good here mate. Like you, I want Lemmy to be a friendly place, but also one that values critical thinking and open mindedness. Y’know - the sort of shit we didn’t get on Reddit. ;)

bjoern_tantau ,
@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

Polyamory is WRONG! You people disgust me!

Mixing Latin and Greek words like that! Either call it multiamory or polyphilia!

The nerve of some people!

Nemo ,

This is why I don’t watch television.

Blaze ,

I never noticed

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

How do you feel about multiphilia? ;-)

bjoern_tantau ,
@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

🤬

drathvedro ,

polyphilia

Love that band. Their latest album is the shit.

Don_Dickle ,

Call me stupid but does this community be about sex? Should it not be labled NSFW?

notacat ,

polyamory is an alternative to monogamy, so if you think a community about monogamous relationships should be NSFW then I guess, but I think that might be a stretch.

Don_Dickle ,

I googled it and it brought up alot of sex shit so was like wtf.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

There are many aspects to polylove, including sex, but not solely sex. There's a bit of a distinction between "swinging" which is more about the sex and less about the relationships. And polyamory which is more about the relationships less about the sex. I mean if that makes sense? But yeah, search the interwebs and there's a site for any kind of sex you can imagine, and for all the ones you never thought of, nor perhaps wished to think of. (sorry for ending in a preposition, I may need caffeine)

bjoern_tantau ,
@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

Polyamory is about multiple relationships. The amory part means love. So while sex is a part of it it’s not the focus. See it as a relationship advice community.

Don_Dickle ,

Well screw that I can barely balance one with work and school and everything.

bjoern_tantau ,
@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

An extra hand to help with chores would be nice.

zero_spelled_with_an_ecks ,

On average, there would be slightly less than two extra hands per person added.

spongebue ,

The average person has approximately one boob and one testicle

Chozo ,

swing on by for a chat

I see you.

Don_Dickle ,

Correct me if I am wrong but are there not websites for this stuff? This got me curious because never been screwed by a man. And as a lesbian I think about it from time to time.

Monument ,

I mean. It’s any website that has user communities, if their users skew that way.

Polyamory isn’t some niche kink.

Don_Dickle ,

Well call me old fashion but I perfer picking up women at the bar or grocery store.

Monument ,

You’re old fashioned.

Don_Dickle ,

Yep when people blast their rap songs at red lights…I turn mine up so they can get a feel for the GOAT…Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin.

rami ,

I’m really confused how you got from polyamory to ‘getting screwed by a man.’

Elevator7009 , (edited )

Polyamory's for lesbians too. Three women all dating each other counts. In a different comment they talk about not knowing what polyamory is, looking it up, and getting sex stuff, so maybe they saw some one-guy-two-girl porn stuff?

GBU_28 ,

What’s the confusion? This person wants to find a person with a ding dong to bring into their otherwise zim zam kinda life.

rami ,

I’m not really sure, I think I misread lol

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

I think I may be misunderstanding your question. Is this not a "website for this stuff"? Or do you mean by "this stuff" a dating site? Mostly I see this site as a place for polyamory related discussion, memes, infographics, book reviews and lists, links to other 'websites for this stuff', news and related info, etc, etc. And all those things that other poly folx will think of that have never occurred to me. In case it's not crossed your radar, it's been out so long, Lesbian Polyfidelity by Celeste West was an early book in my polyamorous education. :-)

Don_Dickle ,

Thank you for the answer…no sarcasm.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

You are welcome. It's all about the conversation. I saw an opportunity to build a tiny bit of friendly space in the Fediverse. I'm a reddit-fugee, and don't need the sort of antagonism I found there in my life, any more. Yesterday, I searched up polyamory on Fedi, and with my poor search skills thought no one had made a poly community here. So I popped up something on Kbin.run as it's my 'native' instance, thinking it would be a stub, but there appears to be interest. I asked specifically, later in the day when I had searched more effectively and found that there are indeed other poly related communities, e.g. on lemmy.world, and also polyamory alberta (tho no posts there in a year, I hope they can flourish, soon) - I asked if there was a need/ interest in keeping this one (https://kbin.run/m/Polyamory), and everyone said we should keep it, as there's strength in diversity. So my poly-brain couldn't say no to that.

Don_Dickle ,

Ok and not being a bitch or sarcastic that has got to be on the sidebar or something similar. You are better than my google search.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Umm, (coyly) why thank you! I don't use goog, if I can avoid it. Insert brief anti-corporate rant. In this case I was searching within the Feidiverse using the search bar on Kbin.run. And also searching with DuckDuckGo!, which search engine doesn't save one's searches/ results. I'll put links to other polyfedi stuff in the sidebar, good suggestion. :-)

jjjalljs ,

I hope you’re ready for a deluge of ignorant comments. And some malicious ones.

I’m going quickly enumerate some of the more common responses.

“I knew a poly couple and they broke up!” -> we’ve all known many monogamous relationships that ended, too. Though it is true that going from a conventional, deeply entangled, monogamous relationship to something else is challenging. Read about the missing step if you’re interested. Monogamous people would also benefit.

“It’s bad for the kids!” -> the poly people I know who have kids, the kids are doing great. They have more adults in their lives that are invested in them.

“It’s just cheating!” -> cheating is when you break agreed upon rules. If the rules don’t include “only have sex with one person”, then it’s not cheating to do otherwise.

“It’s just about sex!” -> sometimes! Sometimes monogamous relationships are just about sex. Sometimes they’re not.

“I’m too jealous for that!” -> most people experience jealousy. What’s important is how you deal with it. If you’re the kind of person who has a freak out and breaks into your partner’s phone because he smiled at the waitress, that’s not ok and not something to be proud of. You can and should work on emotional regulation.

“You poly people think you’re better than everyone!” -> some people might. But that’s true for any subcategory of people. Vegans. Linux users. City dwellers. Country dwellers. I will say that living unexamined choices I think is the worse choice. If monogamy is something you really thought about and chose, fine, good for you. But if you’re just doing it because that’s expected and never gave it a thought? Less impressed. The same for eating meat or using windows.

Ok, I think that’s all the highlights.

Flax_vert ,

Open relationships? Isn’t that just a group chat 💀

JackbyDev ,

!polyamory is the link you want to put. Otherwise it just links to !polyamory on the user’s home instance.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

I'm confused, both those resolve to the same link, on my screen.

JackbyDev ,

Because your home instance is kbin.run where the community is! Try these. !programming and !programming

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

I see what you mean. And I corrected the link above to what I think is correct. Can you, would you please check me on that? I'm just learning how this all works. Seems there's some federation issues for some users.

JackbyDev ,

No, you need to literally put !polyamory instead of just !polyamory. It’s like dialing someone’s phone number who lives in a different country and not including the country code when you don’t include an instance.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Hmm, do you realize when I copy each of those "/m/Polyamory" (which appear as blue links) above, in your message, and then paste them next to each other in the text editor, that both of them are the same. LIke this: https://kbin.run/m/Polyamory

which further confuses me as to what you are suggesting, as I think I've done what you suggested.

JackbyDev , (edited )

[email protected] not !polyamory. It’s like trying to email “John”. John at what? You’re on kbin.run so it goes to [email protected] like you expect. When I click on !polyamory it tries to go to [email protected] because my instance is programming.dev.

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Ok, thank you, it appears the fog of ignorance has been dissipated by your brilliance. I apologize for being so dense. This should work a whole lot better.

JackbyDev ,

It’s okay. It’s sort of a complicated thing to explain. I was trying to not be overly technical but it’s sort of difficult to explain otherwise. ❤️ I subscribed, by the way. I’m excited to interact!

Atelopus-zeteki OP ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Thanks friend, you did well by me. Yeah, me too. The @polyamory group seems good as well. (LoL, hey, it worked!!) It's been my observation that more people all the time are looking for relationship options that fit them better than the standard monogamy model. I used to think that poly was just one of those odd things about me that not everyone shares. And I got ok with that. But the percentage of false paternity speaks to the fact that people want to cheat reproductively or otherwise. Cheating sounds way too dangerous to oneself and one's partners, with STIs, and even with hurt feelings. I prefer to talk about things, so everyone knows what's going on, and each can decide how they want to play.

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