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Venting about shit. Angry about the willfully ignorant motherfuckers around me.

I’m meeting my grandfather for lunch on Friday. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in several years. He went all the way down the hate hole. Never heard him cuss but last time we talked he was using the N word.

He’ll be 87 soon. Most likely, I’ll never see him again. He’s going to find out we’re moving out of the south to yankee land.

Fuck it. He’s not the man I knew. He doesn’t have the wisdom I thought he did.

I hate it and it fucks me up. I’ve lost my people to hate and stupid. So fucking stupid. They all want to suck some orange cock. Fucking really? That’s your fucking Messiah? They didn’t actually fucking read the fucking book they claimed they believed in while shoving bullshit down my throat and the throats of any child they could get ahold of.

Fuck em. They could wake the fuck up if they choose to. They could read. They could think. I tried to tell them.

I’m real sad about it. Not a fucking thing I can do about it. They can live inside their lie holes.

Blackberry Winter has skipped two years. There are armadillos, geckos, and fire ants now. Those critters didn’t live here until things changed. The fucking woods smell and sound different now. They could wake the fuck up and quit listening to fox or their preacher but they choose not to.

I tried to tell them and they didn’t listen because they choose to be ignorant.

fuck em

SoupBrick ,

I am drunk AF, but yeah. If people don’t have the decency to understand ecology, fuck em. They are living in their own world which does not reflect reality. If they choose to deny every logical point you present, that is on them.

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

I’m drunk as well. Fuck em. They chose not see things as they are and accept others for who they are. They chose to drink the poison.

jpreston2005 , (edited )

Just going to point out that alcohol is literally a poison people drink to make them feel good. In much the same way that listening to someone who is projected as an authority figure, telling you that everything that’s wrong in your life is someone else’s fault makes your grandpa feel good.

He doesn’t have to feel bad for supporting bad politicians/policies, because they would have worked if not for those damn immigrants.

He doesn’t have to feel bad about voting to deny people abortions because they’re all just drugged up sluts who should be punished with children.

He doesn’t have to feel bad about destroying the environment because science is wrong sometimes(I can’t really condense the rhetoric on denying climate change because it literally makes no sense?).

The reason they watch this stuff is to feel better about themselves. And just like an alcoholic, indulging in performative blame-shifting politics can make you feel good in the short-term, while negatively impacting your life in a million different ways, ultimately resulting in you losing your friends, loved ones, career, and community.

-Adding this after posting

Actually, I was nearly a victim of the same thing, myself. I was in college, and I was lonely. I started listening to Dennis Miller on the radio as I drove to work and school. I liked him, because he was funny, and although he was right-wing and would talk to right-wing guests, he always seemed very tongue-in cheek about it. But As I listened to him, and the programs that sandwiched his, I noticed that I was getting angry. Like, every time I would drive and listen to these programs, I would just sit there, fuming.

Angrily staring out the window, trying to identify the drugged out loser homeless, the rape-crazed migrants, and the godless whore women using abortion as birth control. I’d drive and just… hate… like it was an activity to take part in. Luckily though, I realized it. I was sitting in particularly bad traffic, listening to the radio, and I was just so damned angry.

I was literally glaring at everyone and everything. and it kind of hit me, the question, “why am I so angry? what am I getting out of this?” and I turned it off. It was at this point, that I realized what I listened to had a profound impact on my emotions, and that if I was going to let something I listened to have control over me like that, then I’d at least like it to bring out an emotion I desired. So I started listening to the classical music station. It brought calm, it brought relaxation, it brought pleasure. And I never went back.

Waveform , (edited )

Just going to point out that alcohol is literally a poison people drink to make them feel good.

It starts that way, but quickly turns on you. Pretty soon you’re pissed at everything for no good reason, you’re tired but have enough energy for angry outbursts, and your world just shrinks and shrinks along with your brain. Horrible drug. Maybe some people can handle having a drink regularly, but I sure can’t ':S

Anyway yeah, getting caught up in politics can be similar.

Yokozuna ,

I’m from the South so I feel your pain, people are painfully ignorant. I’m more interested in the fact that you said the woods sound and smell different, could you elaborate?

Linkerbaan ,
@Linkerbaan@lemmy.world avatar

What’s the difference between your grandfather and a lib supporting Genocide?

skeezix ,

We could be talking about the gestation period of marsupials and you linkerbaan, as is your wont, would try to turn the conversation to Gaza.

medgremlin ,

Is there anything else in that head of yours? Do you have space in your mind alongside this vitriol for anything that makes life worth living? Family? Friends? Hobbies? What things do you find to be positive or wholesome in your perspective? I’d genuinely like to hear what your ideas and beliefs are beyond the topic of Gaza.

weeeeum ,

I’m in a very similar spot. My mom is starting to slip mentally and the further she slides, the more hateful she becomes. Before she knew and were friends with many diverse people. Now she hates their kind. Gays, trans, immigrants, blacks, etc.

I theorize the more you decline mentally, and lose your ability to critically think, the most convincing arguments are most repeated ones. I’ve noticed that the strength of her opinions are usually based on the frequency that she hears it. I can predict how often she’s gonna start ranting about black people, trans pedophiles, electric vehicles by the amount of content she’s watching. The more she watches, the more she argues.

I can’t seem to break her out of this cycle. The right has thoroughly brainwashed her that Democrats and leftists are scum and should only exist to be shamed and exiled. If an opinion or fact is even slightly related to democratic values, she just shuts off and rejects it.

She had a PhD and was extremely successful but now she has difficulty just using the oven. There are days when she is lucid and relatively straight thinking but other days she is entirely unintelligible and relies heavily on hand gestures.

Sometimes I wish she would pass. She causes so much pain for everyone around her (my sisters went no contact) and she is in pain herself. She is so extremely stressed and fears that antifa is going to burn down all of the great American cities, the homeless and blacks are going to ravage and loot everything and the left will be complicit since it’s their “ultimate goal” to destroy america.

It makes me extremely sad.

Madison420 ,

Goddamnit southerns, you are Yankees. The only southerners that weren’t Yankees were confederates who can also be called treasonous traitors.

Essentially, if you’re not a Yankee you’re a goddamn traitor.

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

Yes and no.

I’m country as a pinto bean sandwich. Yankees were people that lived in the north and talked different.

I used to have a lot of pride in my people. We are tough and proud. Able to endure heat that most people don’t understand. Stretch a penny and squeeze a dime, fix a truck with bailing wire, JB weld and a coke can. Kind to others, stop on the road and help someone broke down.

Collard greens, corn bread, catfish, and a mess of green beans. There’s bacon fat in the beans and they’ve been boiled down.

Black folks around, you say Ma’am and Sir to make sure they know you respect them. We’re all people.

I started reading, left home, and lived near a big city for 20 years.

I come from profound ignorance. There’s a good naturedness that seems to have left my people.

Madison420 ,

100% wrong, Yankee has a meaning and has only ever been a north south during and after the civil war, you know when we killed a bunch of racist ducks and burned their cities to the ground.

If you see yourself as anything but a Yankee I’m going to call you a traitor and a closet feddy, it is what it is no matter how many friendly southern afforisms you offer.

OneOrTheOtherDontAskMe ,

I think he’s saying that “southerners call northerners Yankees, but they don’t know that EVERYONE in the US is a Yankee once the confederacy lost, because not a single confederate soldier remained, reclaiming those states as Yankee territory and any citizen therein is a Yankee. Anyone who disagrees doesn’t remember the lesson Ol’ Sherman taught em”

OneOrTheOtherDontAskMe ,

Also, for what it’s worth, my family was from the south. My reunions and funerals and weddings all take place somewhere in a holler with 1 Walmart about 40 minutes down the mountain.

My uncle once said, and my mother agreed, in relation to gay men “I wish they’d put em all on an island somewhere, they’d be happier that way”.

But I wasn’t lucky enough to know my grandpa as a man of wisdom. He’d said enough stupid shit, or abided it in his home when his children begged for '“Barack Houssein O’bummer’s” birth certificate. He had a dog named Blackie, that I called Blackie because I wouldn’t dare say it’s real name if someone asked.

What was good in them did all truly disappear in front of me day by day from that point. Hell, I actually believed the ‘states rights’ reason for the civil war until I was at least 14 or so. Crazy what stupid can breed

DancingBear ,

I have similar issues with my family. Never forget how much they love you, and never forget that they are the ones who helped you become the person you are today, regardless of the politics and or language they used to get you there

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

They have become what they taught me not to be. I studied what they told me was the truth. They would crucify Jesus for being a pinko commie. Something changed and they aren’t who they used to be. I have a lot of trouble trying to make peace with it.

DancingBear ,

They opened your eyes. Give thanks for that. The world works in mysterious ways, and they need your love more than ever now.

Bananobanza ,

This actually sounds a bit toxic tbh

DancingBear ,

How so? Because the family is toxic?

Aurenkin ,

It’s not necessarily the case in this specific situation but in general this way of thinking can prevent people from getting out of situations that are really bad for their mental health.

That was the case for me at least where I didn’t cut off harmful family members out of a sense of obligation to them but that was a bit of a different situation to what the OP is describing.

clockwork_octopus ,

This… I don’t necessarily agree with this. If you come from a healthy, functional family, then sure, but for those of us who don’t, this is a very unhealthy attitude to keep, and is a mindset that is very easily manipulated.

blackluster117 ,
@blackluster117@possumpat.io avatar

And it’s almost impossible to explain to people who don’t come from that background. Ask me how I know…

RememberTheApollo_ ,

He doesn’t have the wisdom I thought he did.

One of the starkest shocks I had during the initial trump candidacy and pandemic was the veil being lifted on so many people I worked with or knew.

People I thought of as intelligent, level-headed, and reasonable suddenly appeared hateful, mulish, and willfully ignorant.

They didn’t care about the environment. They didn’t care if they got people sick or killed them with covid. They didn’t care about the open overtures to authoritarianism or fascism - if anything they directly welcomed this. The wild and rampant stupidity behind the conspiracies and Q-anon. The concerted attacks on women’s or lgbtq rights, the denial of equality or justice for people killed by police. The complete willingness to throw their fellow humans under the bus for any reason at all to spare themselves the inconvenience of not being able to eat at Applebees without a mask.

And they manufactured whatever slights they could think of to justify their actions regarding the above. It was retaliation for loss of perceived status as White People In Charge.

It completely killed discourse because you can’t have a discussion with someone who isn’t willing to argue in good faith. Who Gish Gallops and buthwhatabouts. Who exhausts their opponent with conspiracies that are so full of shit that you don’t even know where to start rebutting because they have no place in reality.

The trump election sharply split America in two. The country and the world are a far less stable place than a decade ago.

ashok36 ,

When you realize all the people you admired for their love of freedom actually just meant the freedom to be an asshole… That’s a hard lesson to learn.

RememberTheApollo_ ,

Yeah, that’s the truth. Their freedom to not be inconvenienced regarding how their fellow humans are treated.

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

Yes. it was an incredible shock. 9-11 was less of a shock.

It’s like a transmissible soul sickness that they willfully acquired because it seemed easy and it made them feel right and justified.

I’m moving on and trying to make peace with it. I’m trying to view it as a different kind of pandemic or an asteroid that came out the sky and smacked us.

ATDA ,

I’ve been having the same conversations. Told my family I love them as people but I’m moving because their politics quite literally are devolving into third world territory.

Can’t keep power on, roads and bridges falling apart, rights being taken away.

If that’s where you want to live that’s cool but peace.

MystikIncarnate ,

When I see stuff like this, I’m happy my father died when he did. He was also suffering at the time so seeing him no longer in pain was a good thing. I won’t get into that whole story, but he started going that way when he became a bit too forgetful. As in, he couldn’t even follow along with a normal conversation anymore. Happened sometime in the mid to late 2010’s.

He watched stuff like Fox, and listened to guys like Rush Limbaugh, and he was religious. I don’t really follow any media/news organizations, I don’t listen to pretty much any broadcasts specifically, nor follow any specific celebrities, and I’m atheist/agnostic/non-religious (I have some beliefs, but they’re not relevant to the story. I will say that I generally abhor any organized religion with a few exceptions).

I never saw him get consumed with hate over these things. He wasn’t aware enough that he could have even realized that Trump was president at all.

I should also disclose, were not Americans. We’re Canadians, but ask pretty much any Canadian about American politics and most of us will have a good understanding, meanwhile we generally know less about our own politics.

In any case, at the time that this decline into hate mongering started, his mental faculties were all but non-existent.

I’m truly sorry that you’ve had to deal with this op. I wish you the very best of luck moving forward.

militaryintelligence ,

Do what I do, play dumb. “What does woke mean, grandad? I’m out of the loop here.” It’s fun. I think I’ve made a few realize how dumb they sound by their facial expressions, but they’ll never admit it.

Luckily I don’t have any red hats in my family.

A_Very_Big_Fan ,

He doesn’t have the wisdom I thought he did.

I know it’s armchair/backseat advice, but if it comes up I suggest telling him this word for word. It’s the kind of thing that would (or at least should) pierce the soul of a man his age.

Melvin_Ferd ,

Hang out with grandpa and just ignore the trump shit. If it’s just them liking trump and that then learn to let go and just be with people if you liked them before trump. Not your job to change people. But don’t burn bridges. Internet taught a generation there are these clear lines that we can’t ever cross. My dad is a die hard trump supporter. Love him to death. We have many heated arguments and he fully knows he won’t listen to facts. I also refuse to listen to sources like fox or New York Post or other bullshit. We have many impasses. But I love him and would never dream of thinking less of him or going no contact over something that use to be a thing we all kept to ourselves. Not worth it. Don’t let trump make you burn the people in your life that are family.

But I get if they’re violent or deep deep deep into it. But also we should all get better at looking past this stuff. Trump will be gone one day and the bridges we burnt over it will never be worth it.

Dearth ,

Easy to say if you and yours fit into the demographics that trumpers support. Not everyone has the same privilege as you do.

magnetosphere ,
@magnetosphere@fedia.io avatar

My sympathies. Ignorance, especially willful ignorance, can be absolutely exhausting to deal with.

Don’t focus on that. Just remember that Friday is probably the last time you’ll see him alive. Try to steer the conversation towards pleasant memories. Make the conversation about his life, not current events. Ask him about his childhood, his first car, how he met your grandmother; stuff like that. People like to talk about themselves. Plus, it’ll keep the conversation away from politics.You might even learn some interesting family history!

TheFriar ,

Not to mention possibly have one last happy memory with a relative you thought was gone forever. If he steers it back into hatred, well, at least you tried.

tiredofsametab ,

For your gandfather, could it be dementia? Personality change, including dropping of inhibitions, can be signs of that.

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

No, he’s still sharp. This shit ate my parents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I’ve got one aunt that is still sane and she moved away when I was a kid.

1984 , (edited )
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

If you are going to be upset about other people like this, you will be in a state of constant anger.

It’s not your responsibility to control what people do or think. My advice is to let those people be who they are, while you focus on being the best you can be.

Keep the people you vibe with in your life, and let the others go. Meet your grandfather and just observe him. This is life showing you someone who is hateful, from the sound of it. It’s just an example of who not to be, that’s all it is. Learn from that and remain calm.

You can do it. :)

If you are in the right state of mind, you can even smile at horrible things he says, because it’s just about him, not anyone else. You will start to view him as someone funny, like a child that messes up because they don’t know better.

Don’t fight people you don’t agree with. Just say what you think, and leave. No need to argue at all.

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

There is wisdom in what you say.

I tried to help them. I wanted them to see a way without the hate.

It hurts a lot that they can’t come with me. I love them so much. It’s not okay that I can’t help them. My grandfather. My family. We make our choices.

lars ,

It is so so so painful to lose a loved one.

It is excruciating to lose them before they die.

Even worse is when you see parts of what you liked about them suffocating beneath the propaganda that poisoned them. This is like a threefold death.

Machinist OP ,
@Machinist@lemmy.world avatar

“This is like a threefold death.”

It really is. Grieving is a process and it comes in waves.

random_character_a ,
@random_character_a@lemmy.world avatar

You will start to view him as someone funny, like a child

Well his grandfather is so old he’s probably well on his way becoming a child again.

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