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electrogamerman ,

Gotta love the heteronormativity on this post. Why fuck the mother? Why not go back in time and fuck Hitler and make him fall in love with me? All hail homo-hitler!

Shardikprime ,

shoots

Ah u meant as in sex…

Pulls up corpse

jhulten ,

The Evil Baby Orphanage is RIGHT THERE.

Iron_Lynx ,

Adopt baby Hitler and raise him in a way that would not give rise to the kinds of feelings and ideologies that could lead him down the path of ethno-nationalsim.

Bread ,

That’s when we figure out that this is the path that lead him to flip flop completely hating everything you taught. You went back to stop Hitler only to be the thing that caused his reign of terror. Life would have that kind of irony.

huge_clock ,

Oh shit my phone doesn’t work back here. I know I’ll send him to art school!

outer_spec ,
@outer_spec@lemmy.studio avatar

Heads up, Hitler’s mom died of breast cancer when he was young. If you’re going to seduce her, you should be emotionally prepared for the consequences.

WarmSoda ,

So you’re saying Hitler could have been one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

jhulten ,

Treat his mom’s cancer, then?

hup ,
@hup@lemmy.world avatar

Just finished binging the 12 Monkeys TV show, thats just variations on an oops loop. If you seduce Hitlers mom you’ll just end up being the father figure he never met. If you strand him in Nepal then either Hitler or any Austrian who witnesses you doing the timey-wimey dance will just blame an international cabal of time traveling Jews for it.

maddin ,

Eva: Adolf, why are you destroying everything? Adolf: My father is a time traveler from the future and he left me. So I make sure he will not exist. Eva: From the future? So he could also be our son? laughsAdolf: takes the gun

camelCaseGuy ,

That actually went full circle, 12 Monkeys style.

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

It’s never “give Hitler a good life where he is never taught or led to be a prejudice psychopathic murderer.”

volvoxvsmarla ,

I mean I get the whole post isn’t super serious but for real, I doubt that getting rid of Hitler-Hitler would have stopped the rise of fascism and nazis. There would have just been another leader who might have caused even greater damage.

nxfsi ,

Or fascism may become the new trend in democracy because it didn’t get associated with genocide…

Swedneck ,
@Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

you imply this isn’t what’s currently happening anyways

JackbyDev ,

Because it is a thought experiment about punishing people for pre-crime, not people actually planning what to do with a time machine.

thepianistfroggollum ,

No, I’d 100% kill Hitler if I ever got a time machine. It would be my first stop on my way to see the dinosaurs.

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

The cool thing about a time machine is you’d be able to kill Hitler several times, in several ways, in several different back drops. 😃

Kill Hitler, every single day that he was alive, starting with the last day and working your way back to his birth.

mrbaby ,

Hey if you ever get access to a time machine and i somehow piss you off in the future, could you do me a favor and hop back to this day and warn me?

RichardBonham ,

Such is the nature of time travel that you go back in time to seduce and fuck Hitler’s mom and guess what?

Your son is Adolf Hitler.

Shardikprime ,

No one ever considers that this is the best timeline possible and we got Hitler because someone already time shivved the SUPER NAZIS and SUPER HITLER

FordBeeblebrox ,

Mecha-Hitler wasn’t just some artist’s drawing for Wolfenstein, it’s a remnant of another timeline where there’s fuckin robot Nazis all over

VindictiveJudge ,
@VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world avatar

The premise of the entire Command and Conquer universe is that Einstein deleted Hitler and it went horribly wrong.

gjghkk ,

That’s just the Red Alert series, but ok.

VindictiveJudge ,
@VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world avatar

Eh, yes and no. Red Alert 1 is part of both the Red Alert and Tiberium series. One ending results in RA2 and the other in Tiberian Dawn (C&C '95) but there’s no consensus on which ending leads to which game. I think that the Allied ending leads to TD and the Soviet ending leads to RA2, but there are arguments the other way, too.

gjghkk ,

No need to be pedantic.

Shardikprime ,

It’s something of a thing we are doing now at lemmy. Don’t worry, it gets worse. Like a mutated Reddit

RagingHungryPanda ,

Plot point: hero person goes back in time to kill Hitler, but finds they have to fight off a bunch of other time travelers from different points in the future bc everyone wants the kill for themselves. Hitler still gets away.

gjghkk ,

www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/…/ddug54b/

Here is the ultimate

RagingHungryPanda ,

yeah that takes the cake haha

jballs ,
@jballs@sh.itjust.works avatar

If you think about it, there are on average 30 to 80 million sperm in a typical ejaculation. So I’d find Hitler’s dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit. Surely that’d be enough to change history.

LordOfTheChia ,

Ye old scrotal quantum shake

hup ,
@hup@lemmy.world avatar

So naive… your bump was precisely necessary for the single unlikely Adolph sperm to make its way to the front of the line. You were always the nut-bumper that caused Hitler.

TheGoldenGod ,
@TheGoldenGod@lemmy.world avatar

The day I find out I’m Hitlers father and my own grandfather…

Ser_Salty ,

You did do the nasty in the pasty

bdonvr ,

“Fuck hitler’s mom”

Yeah that sounds like the setup to a bootstrap paradox in which you were always hitler’s dad.

Chai ,

Get a vasectomy, then start the relationship.

Ertebolle ,

Ah, yes, the "release a bunch of infertile male mosquitoes so the females won't have any babies" approach to Hitler-offing.

30isthenew29 ,

If that’s the case, trying to kill Hitler would make Hitler what he always has been.

young_broccoli ,

I believe theres a twilight zone episode where that happens.

30isthenew29 ,

Which episode?

Master ,
@Master@sh.itjust.works avatar

The one where they go back in time and fuck hitler’s mom.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/64749147-3473-470d-9538-955d072f9b04.png

001100010010 ,
@001100010010@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

In an alternate timeline:

“Yea who’s the fuck is Hitler? Himmler is the fuhrer of our fatherland, the Great German Reich, that spans the entire world!”

Ertebolle ,

Germany was only 75 years old in 1941; for all we know it'd be some totally new country that ended up conquering everything. "Hail to Field Marshal Bing Bong Potatoman, ruler of our great glorious Zambonian Empire"

wolfpack86 ,

I welcome our new ice resurfacing overlords

agamemnonymous ,
@agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works avatar

What if Hitler was the best case scenario result of time traveler interference? He bungled a lot of decisions someone like Himmler probably wouldn’t have. What if WWII is ultimately unavoidable, and every other timeline was way worse?

001100010010 ,
@001100010010@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Maybe Hitler is actually a time traveller that pretends to be a nazi because from his timeline, the german fascist took over the world was way worse so he had to join the nazis to defeat the nazis? Maybe the Holocaust was like 10 times worse in his timeline and he intentionally did stupid decisions to reduce the kill count.

30isthenew29 ,

Would there even be an Oppenheimer movie in the new timeline?

WarmSoda ,

And without Oppenheimer we’d never have Barbie!

MargotRobbie ,
@MargotRobbie@lemmy.world avatar

:(

WarmSoda ,

But we’ll always have Margot in our hearts!

MargotRobbie ,
@MargotRobbie@lemmy.world avatar

:)

WarmSoda ,

Wait wait, I should have said:

We’ll always have Margot in our hearts, even if Hitler was never alive!

MargotRobbie ,
@MargotRobbie@lemmy.world avatar

I feel pretty Aladeen about this.

Hextic ,

Literally the start of Command and Conquer Red Alert lol

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