So, on pronouns.

Ocelot , 9 months ago

I think at some point language as a whole will shift. Most languages have had a concept of masculine/feminine and differentiating between genders for most if not all of their history. This seems pretty weird as a concept in modern times since it serves no real benefit. If we were to develop a language from scratch today I don’t think it would have such features.

Its going to take a pretty long time (hundreds of years) but language is constantly evolving. I think it will get there. In the meantime things are going to remain at least a little confusing.

I have a few transgender friends and its still a bit if a mental hurdle to see them as who they want to be identified as sometimes. I sometimes slip up and will call them by their old name or use the wrong pronoun. It’s never intentional of course, but sometimes my mental auto-correct isn’t working at full capacity. If I meet the person post-transition then its never really a problem as I always see them as that gender.

Ilflish , 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

Pronouns are just your preference for what you should be referred to. If you don’t provide them people will assume. The logic is that if only people who want to use specific pronouns suggest them, you are essentially outing yourself so even if you associate with your birth pronouns, it’s polite to present them so it’s less awkward for others.

The actual use is more awkward. The expected use is that you use it when the person in question is discussed but a pronoun isn’t really used unless that person is not around so again it seems to just be a polite way to present yourself.

For added context a good use case of announcing pronouns would be a research paper where someone would be described to another person Edit: Ive been made aware about another obvious use case. Talking to people online where you might not have a way to identify any other way

Tomboys_are_Cute , 9 months ago

I am a straight male

Being straight doesn’t impact what your pronouns are! Your gender, whether you are cis, non-binary, trans, or any other gender identity is what determines these pronouns.

are my pronouns he/him?

Probably but thats up to you. Usually pronouns are given in that order as a matter of standardisation for understanding where they go in a sentence. Ie “He is going to the store” or “it all comes down his choice.” Obviously this leaves out some other gendered standard pronouns like formal Sirs and Ma’ams but for most conversation knowing she/her or they/them gets you most of the way there. For standard ones it might be intuitive but for people with neo-pronouns it helps a lot.

do you tell people when you meet them?

Sometimes. I try to do it more these days as a matter of course but usually I will give them when I’m in an environment where some people do and don’t where no one does. They are in my email signatures and real social media bios though.

Online rules

At least on your profile somewhere. I like Hexbear’s “no exceptions they will be in your name” policy, its better for uptake and helps people feel included.

figuring out others

If it isn’t clear you could always ask. If you aren’t a dick about it then it’s usually fine. If you get corrected though the most respectful thing you could do is just say sorry and use the right ones from that point on.

non conventional pronouns

Yes people do use them, if you are in places that queer people go to or feel comfortable you are more likely to meet someone with them. I would argue its more polite to refer to them as neo pronouns but I also have boring ones so its not really my place to say. If you look around hexbear there are a couple of frequent posters with neo pronouns and I’ve known a few people irl to use neo pronouns as well.

MystikIncarnate , 9 months ago

I too, am a straight male. It’s actually pretty easy.

It might be a bit of a faux pas when addressing someone as he/him when they prefer something else. Simply, if the mistake is made, they’ll correct your assumption (I’m sure they get it all the time, it’s not that big of a deal), and tell you their pronouns. Then it’s your task, socially, to respect their wish to be referred to by their pronouns. It might seem awkward to refer to someone directly as “they” or “them”, but it is grammatically correct, it just sounds awkward to our brains because it’s so rarely used as a singular direct pronoun… direct in the way that you’re talking to, or in the presence of that person… but it’s perfectly fine and preferred by your friend/colleague/acquaintance or whatever.

For yourself, if you’re commonly and most comfortably referred to as he/him, then you have two options: 1. ignore it, and people will assume, or 2. put “he/him” in things like your bio/email signature/about me pages and leave it at that. It doesn’t require qualification or context, like “my pronouns are” or something like that, just “he/him” alone in your bio is enough to let people know what you are comfortable with.

Personally, I don’t do anything, I let people assume, because I’m unbothered if someone refers to me as he/him/she/her/they/them. All pronouns for me are fine. I’m most commonly referred to as he/him because it’s the historically “correct” pronouns, but pronouns are more or less irrelevant to me.

And yes, people do, in fact, prefer they/them. I’ve met a few, and it feels awkward at first to say “they”/“them”, but you get used to it.