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I have every reason to be unhappy and resentful, how not to be that?

I recently heard a man say, you should not focus on things that make you sad. There are certain things in life that are always gonna suck, there will always be certain things which you can’t change, there is no use worrying about them or hating them.

Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don’t/can’t grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these. I can’t leave anytime soon, and the hyper-realization that had I been in a better system that fosters growth, I won’t be as miserable (emphasis on the as here) as I am here. I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary at any time of the day. Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind! I have become very sensitive to these things.

I am sorrounded by all things negative in life, I have all the reason in the world to br resentful and ill-tempered, but resentment is a very dangerous thing, I don’t want to be resentful. If I can’t he happy here, I just want to be in peace! How can I do this? Venting about my situation helps but it’s temporary and it seems to be doing more damage than good.

P.S.: Please don’t start with how the American system is bad, it probably is, but there are worse things. I will literally be willing to lose a leg to get there. Also, might take sometime to reply, but I deeply appreciate your responses.

RBWells ,

Well, I wake up happy every day because I don’t really think anyone ‘deserves’ anything, including physical existence. So I am happy to be physically embodied, so happy nothing hurts most days and that I can move freely and breathe freely. I just kind of think anything above constant agony is above the baseline of existence.

I do think you can deserve things like pay for work, you can earn things. But even so, so many people get so much for nothing, and so many others get nothing for giving so much.

I will wish for your success beyond your expectations.

hoshikarakitaridia ,
@hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world avatar

I think there’s a few things in your response that trigger alarm bells.

First of all, it sounds like your environment is awful. Can you try to change things just a bit? Step by step? Identify what exactly it is (if it’s family, try to get some distance to them (try to not hang around them if you can, etc.), if it’s friends, try to go out and do your own thing for a bit and maybe try to approach new ppl, if it’s school, talk to someone you trust and maybe figure out a solution where you can get some help there.

In general if you can, maybe therapy could help. If it’s a permanent thing, and that’s what it sounds like, a therapist can help you find solutions to deal with it.

What’s kind of odd to me is that you say it’s the little things that contribute a lot. Now having a bad day is not odd, but if it’s one of the reasons you have a bad life rn, that’s odd. I would look into why this still affects you in that magnitude. This something else you could talk with a therapist about.

I know that if you have good mental health usually these small things shouldn’t throw you off, they are just a bit annoying. That’s basically how usually ppl deal with it.

Now mind you I’m def not judging, I let small things get to me as well, but I’m in therapy for related issues and that’s why I know I will improve.

And the thing with social media: basically, there’s infinite good things and infinite bad things on social media. But the response to bad things is much stronger than it is too good things, that’s why social media has a bias to display bad things (news, etc). So either limiting social media usage can be good, or you can try to curb news and stuff to get less of a skewed view. I did the same - I completely removed my reddit account (which tends to have a more pessimistic user base) and on Lemmy I started unfollowing a lot of news communities. It’s just more healthy for me to see more neutral and positive things.

So yeah I hope I could help you. And always remember, as long as you believe it will get better, it will. Your brain has an amazing ability to reinforce positive thinking patterns if you concentrate on them and this in turn makes you behave more positively towards others and therefore can actively help you on your conquest to change your environment. Wish I could link you studies on this rn but I can only give you the good ole trust me bro guarantee.

Good luck on making a change, I believe if you do you can be a big positive influence for others :)

Kit ,

I also have every reason to be unhappy and resentful. My life hack is to be ANGRY. I am determined to piss off all those who have wronged me by succeeding in life despite them. I went from homeless to 6 figures on pure spite and refuse to help anyone who fucked me over.

The_Che_Banana ,

“Outlive your enemies, be happy and successful in spite of them, and listen to the laments of their women”.

-Conan O’Barbarian

the_post_of_tom_joad ,
@the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net avatar

Sorry, I’m not quite sure what kind of help you are asking for. I do know one thing though:

Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind!

You really should leave that place if you can. My experience is similar to yours, i also feel like crap after spending time there. Quitting that site and never looking back was a relief i hope you can share.

Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don’t/can’t grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these

If you’re talking about being surrounded by reminders of a system you hate, i can relate. Can you talk more about them without doxxing yourself? If that’s not what you want to talk about, then maybe

I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary

Are you asking about help with anxiety and sensory overload issues? Cuz i can relate there too

MagicShel , (edited )

First, comparing yourself to others is a recipe for unhappiness. I guarantee unhappiness and ennui is part of every day American life as well. I’m living it. I don’t know why I get out of bed each day other than to provide for my family, and I’ve been out of work for 5 months. Feels like waiting around to die, honestly. Maybe you think being in America would solve your problems, but it just presents a different set.

Second, accept the things you can’t change. If you can’t fix something, let go of worrying about it. Easier said than done and beware of telling yourself you can’t change something when you can, but if there is something you can’t fix, let it be. I know you said you’ve gotten that advice already. It’s easy to hear but hard to accept.

Third, set yourself some achievable goals. If it’s exercise or reading a book or painting a picture. Especially if it’s a step toward fixing one of those things that’s big, but not impossible to change. I’ve seen people build houses with their own hands over several years - one piece at a time. I have a friend who is mid-40’s and getting her 4-year degree. One class per semester. She’s on class three now. Eventually she will get there. I’ve set some goals to improve my physical health. It’s a long fucking road. I lost 60 lbs. about 8 years ago. Gained it all back. Now it’s time to tackle it again.

Fourth, make yourself look for good things. It’s a beautiful sunny evening here after days of rain. I didn’t achieve much today, but I can appreciate the warmth on my skin and the blue and white sky. My wife is out of the house taking a crafting class with a friend and I’m happy for her because that doesn’t happen often. I have some interviews this week and maybe one will be the right fit. Whatever the good things are in your life, find them and spend a little time just appreciating them.

Good luck, my friend.

TheBananaKing ,

World’s on fire, grab some marshmallows and a stick.

World wants to make you miserable, be happy out of sheer spite.

Listen to more ska: yeah we’re going to hell, but I have a trumpet.

salvaria ,

It might sound stupid, but sometimes (at least for me) I find joy in bringing others joy. I do my best to compliment strangers around me when I notice that they’ve done something special to make themselves look nice or if I really like a piece of clothing. I go out of my way to bring/send treats to my coworkers or friends when they have a special day coming up. It’s a reminder to them (and to myself) that the world is what we make of it, so why not do what we can to make it better? Joy is not a zero-sum game - something that takes me an iota of effort to do can bring huge returns in happiness of others.

hoshikarakitaridia ,
@hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world avatar

The best reason to help others is because you are selfish and you like the feeling of helping someone else.

Because it means there is an endless supply of motivation to do the right thing.

Anissem ,
@Anissem@lemmy.ml avatar

If you’re on social media, leave it. It’s a drain on your mental wellness.

Owell1984 OP ,
@Owell1984@lemmy.ml avatar

I guess you are right. It would help.

Also need to block certain the open page and other news on reddit (I need it for other things)

Anissem ,
@Anissem@lemmy.ml avatar

Leave Reddit as well. I moved to Lemmy to free myself from the negativity. Lemmy may not have the same user base size but that tends to keep the crazies out.

The_Che_Banana ,

My 2cents also open another account in Beehaw… I also have a lemmy.ml account since I moved here, thats what I started with, but I see the same rage bait there as reddit… beehaw is a bit more pleasant.

breadsmasher ,
@breadsmasher@lemmy.world avatar

lose a leg to get there

and go bankrupt or die from it when you arrive

Owell1984 OP ,
@Owell1984@lemmy.ml avatar

I didn’t mean just get there, I meant have the problems you guys are having. I.e., your problems are better than mine.

I can “get there” even now it was want to, on a tourist visa or something, I meant more like swap places

breadsmasher ,
@breadsmasher@lemmy.world avatar

Im not american. No way I would move to that hellscape

Owell1984 OP ,
@Owell1984@lemmy.ml avatar

That hellscape you are talking about is the place my people are desperate to get to. Do they think the streets are paved with Gold there, most don’t, but they realize it’s much better than the current condition they are in, I was referring to that.

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