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MagicShel ,

A big rock that has the vague shape of a human face.

I know someone who had such a rock in their house. They kept a cigarette in its “mouth.”

themusicman ,

Wilson from House M.D., who, after surviving cancer, decided to retire from oncology and live as a recluse on a desert island.

Warl0k3 ,

Miss Piggy.

Zachariah ,
@Zachariah@lemmy.world avatar

couch cushion

christian OP ,
@christian@lemmy.ml avatar

This is inexplicably the best answer yet. Everyone else is working so hard to think outside the box that the box is inside-out.

Zachariah ,
@Zachariah@lemmy.world avatar

Plus, now you can include a love scene.

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

Magic 8-Ball

This time Wilson can kinda sorta actually talk back.

sharkfucker420 ,
@sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml avatar

A 1ft tungston cube

Blizzard ,
Cataphract ,

A bowling ball. Can change some of the script so he catches it before it rolls off the raft but he falls in the water with it. He’s too heavy and weak to make it back to the raft so he has to let go and watch it immediately sink or he’s taken under too (also a good reference how it’s hard to save someone from drowning when you’re near drowning yourself). Definitely thought of a dildo first till I saw everyone else put it up though.

captain_aggravated ,
@captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works avatar

Some bowling balls float.

MossyFeathers ,

The severed head of a man named Wilson.

Zagorath ,
@Zagorath@aussie.zone avatar

The biggest, most monstrous dildo you can find.

He never uses it. Just befriends it and talks to it like in the original. Just leave the possibility hanging there.

Tolookah ,

And instead of Wilson, it can be called Doc, or Dr Johnson. (Having a name like bad dragon seems a stretch, maybe baddra?)

Delphia ,

Latex fist.

Skua ,

For the entire duration, he can't work out what it actually is because it's such a weird shape and so ridiculously huge that it being a dildo never even crosses his mind

Trebuchet ,

A fleshlight.

Septimaeus ,

An MRE. When supplies dwindle, our protagonist is faced with a tragic choice.

booty ,
@booty@hexbear.net avatar

Me. I’ll play Wilson. Listen idk what the fuck that last guy was doing but my take on this character is gonna be a hit, you’ll see

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