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rawn ,

Cute used to describe a person? May work out in some cases, but in most it really will not for various reasons. She may feel you’re infantilizing her, you don’t find her appealing as a woman or appealing for the wrong reasons, you belittle her …

As many wrote, used to describe her choices it’s perfectly fine though.

If you’re looking for a way to express how this person makes you feel - for example a continuous stream of “awwwww” may be expressed by calling someone cute - rather describe your feeling: “I could fawn over you all day.” Ideally you also explain why, so it’s clear where this is coming from: “The way you dress is a perfect compliment to your outgoing personality. I really enjoy just watching you exist.”

Depending on who you want to be to this person and how far along on that road you are, my examples may work or be entirely out of question.

SpacetimeMachine ,

Serious question from an autistic dude who is awful at this kind of thing. If you are genuinely attracted to a person and are interested in dating them is it wrong to just state that outright then? Because I see plenty of women where I like their dress, or their hair color etc. but that doesn’t mean I’m actually attracted to them. I suppose simply stating “I find you very attractive” might be best as it is just all encompassing?

rawn ,

Since attractive just refers to outer features, if you’re interested only physically, that’s fine. If you want a relationship, pick something that describes your person of choice better or encompasses more features.

“I think you’re amazing, would you like to grab a coffee/dinner with me sometime?” would probably work.

If you choose to be this direct, make it clear you don’t need an immediate response. The other party didn’t have any time to prepare for this, so they may actually need to think about you in this way first of all. This may be the hardest part, because you will not know if you’ll get a reply (depends on maturity and courage). You could ask them again once, but then I’d drop it and just assume it’s a no, otherwise you may come across as pushy.

The reason most people don’t do this is, that they’re scared to be turned down or ridiculed (teenagers are assholes). I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier.

Good luck!

ArcaneSlime , (edited )

I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier

It unfortunately does not, lol. The caring about being rejected does, but other problems crop up, like meeting people in the first place.

For instance, I don’t use apps, I don’t frequent bars, and I don’t want to get HR on my ass (everyone at my job is married or like 19 anyway). So where do I meet someone? Hobbies. Ok, well my hobbies are reading, walking around in the woods looking at cool nature stuff like frogs and salamanders, and going to (music) shows. Maybe I could meet someone at a show, but mostly it’s loud and not conducive to conversation, and nobody wants to talk to strangers in a book store or library, and they’d rather meet a bear in the woods than me as we all know lmao.

Basically I haven’t been doing this because I don’t want to be creepy, but I’m thinking about just saying fuck it and throwing out a “hey you look cool, wanna go grab some coffee sometime?” just whenever, wherever the situation arises, and then get to know if I think she’s amazing over time (if we continue, yadda yadda you know how it goes). I mean what else do I have left? And by whenever, wherever I don’t just mean Shakira’s hit, I mean anywhere, including but not limited to common places where it is often complained about like the grocery store, book store, where she works, just anywhere.

But yeah, anyway, things change when you get older, some things get easier but some get harder. Know where I used to meet women (well, girls)? School. And after that I had a stint in the bars. Back then I was afraid of the rejection sure but never questioned where to meet people. My flip has now flopped, however.

rawn ,

Hey, sorry it took me so long to respond.

I mostly meant the whole rejection/people being mean about it thing.

I get where you’re at, I’m 40ish and had the same problems a few years ago. Please don’t try where they work, that’s not cool, but other than that … why not, as long as a no is cool.

I used bumble at the time but ultimately the person I’m with now was someone I already knew. I don’t believe in apps, but it’s a way to get a feel for someone else, filtering out anyone who doesn’t want to meet someone at all.

I think meeting through hobbies (I think library or bookstore are kinda okay, particularly if you have a recommendation for the book they’re looking at) is the way to get to know someone, but whatever you try, I wish you good luck!

grasshopper_mouse ,
@grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world avatar

It super depends on who’s saying it!

seliaste ,
@seliaste@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

For me being cute is not a looks thing but more of a behaviour/personality compliment so i like it

xilliah ,

I prefer dirty slut

StaySquared ,

I thought that was only allowed during and maybe even after the fun.

xilliah ,

You mean icecream?

StaySquared ,

Edited. Not trying to get banned haha.

xilliah ,

Getting banned from Lemmy.ml is an achievement in my book. You could start your own instance with poker and hookers 😎

OurToothbrush ,

If you want to say you like how I look compliment one of the grooming, fashion, or accessory choices, and I’ll get the hint.

Hell, compliment my muscles. Literally just compliment anything I have agency over.

MissJinx ,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

I was going to say it really depends on who is saying it. A creepy old friend of your uncle’s? Please No. A cute guy you are also interested in? Yes please.

If you are not sure just say nothing. Silence is always a great option

tourist ,
@tourist@lemmy.world avatar

especially in a police interrogation room

xkbx ,

“Alright, we have at least 6 witnesses willing to testify that they think I’m pretty. If you confess and say that at least I’m cute, we’ll let you get off easy.”

“I wanna talk to my lawyer.”

bad cop begins routine

“HOW DARE YOU, THEIR OUTFIT ALONE IS FIRE!”

good cop pulls the bad cop off you

“Sorry, my partner is a loose cannon. Look, we just want to make sure you’ve got good taste.”

yngmnwntr ,

I think I would watch a Fashion Police procedural.

makingStuffForFun ,
@makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml avatar

Scientifically this has been proven again and again. Good looking saying something, getting something, doing something is acceptable. Unattractive has no access to the same things.

I’ve pondered this a few times now I’m older. When younger the things I could say to women and get a positive response was amazing, compared to now I’m older. I was fit, good looking and cheeky.

It’s just what it is. Attractive always wins. Be it income, access or acceptance (in your example).

I’m OK with my age and not being as attractive as I was, but every now and then the cocky young man in me wants to complement a lady, but I move on. The moment passes. I’ve matured emotionally and happily carry on.

MissJinx ,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m the Ugly girl!! I also have no chance and ususally guys say “just die” on the internet. It’s not a man problem or a women biases, its a ugly ppl vs pretty people problem

Pandantic ,
@Pandantic@midwest.social avatar

Yes because I am cute. Actually. That’s my aesthetic.

Edit: I see a lot of people calling it infantilizing, but it’s my personality. And I’m older than other people on here have said they are.

jsomae ,

really depends on the context. if i’m showing off my cosplay, no. If I’m receiving an award and posing for the camera – yeah my looks aren’t relevant.

greatwhitebuffalo41 ,
@greatwhitebuffalo41@slrpnk.net avatar

If it’s meant as a compliment and the person isn’t getting a creep, I take it as a compliment.

Godthrilla ,

The most important thing I ever realized, if I want to compliment a woman, you never compliment her on her features, you compliment her on her choices. “Hey you look cute” is automatically going to put her hackles up. “Hey, I really like your dress” is a neutral statement you can make that doesn’t make you a danger. Which is what most women view men as after a lifetime of being treated as prey.

Source: three daughters

ChaoticEntropy ,
@ChaoticEntropy@feddit.uk avatar

“Never” seems a little excessive, it’s more contextually sensitive though obviously.

2ugly2live ,
@2ugly2live@lemmy.world avatar

In the context of an argument or when I’m clearly trying to be taken seriously? No. If I’m actually angry, what happens to you is above me.

Any other time? (◡‿◡🌸) ✨Thank you ✨

MxRemy ,

In the context you’ve given, sure! I like it but I have trouble believing people when they say it.

Kattiydid ,

Like a handful of other people in the comments I never dress up or wear makeup, it’s black pants and a t-shirt for me. It’s usually a graphic t-shirt that is silly so if someone’s like “oh cute t-shirt” sure, that’s fine. But if they’re talking to me specifically cute feels infantilizing. I’m a 33-Year-Old woman, I either look fine, nice, beautiful, or like a deranged raccoon holding a knife.

sunbrrnslapper ,

I often look like a deranged raccoon holding a knife - and am excited the look is catching on! 😉

BudgetBandit ,

I once was on some winter event with a lot of people and a deranged raccoon of the party tried on some hat with double Pom-poms, I told her it makes her look cute, but this is, as some people have already written, context-specific.

Kattiydid ,

It’s the best look!

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Are those in increasing compliment order? In that case, I can say with confidence that your post sounds like you’re a deranged raccoon holding a knife!

Kattiydid ,

Awww, thank you!!!

HEXN3T ,
@HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

My womanhood is complicated, but I love being called cute. Makes me beam a big smile.

wren ,
@wren@feddit.uk avatar

It’s only really fine if someone calls me an appearance-based compliment if they’re my partner or a woman that I’m close to.

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