Mine is modest; but practice being mindful of your emotional reactions.
If something upsets you, interrogate why, and whether your reaction will help. 90% of the time it won’t, so learn to appreciate that you are upset, but don’t let it control you. Because if you don’t you’re going to start seeing the world through incredibly negative eyes.
For example, I used to be a nightmare behind the wheel, always getting angry with shitty drivers and red lights. But I began trying to catch those thoughts, and asked myself whether they would stop other drivers being shitty, or whether it would stop me getting caught at red lights. Would I still be angry in ten minutes? The answer is almost always no, so to expend that energy feels like a waste of time to me now.
Sure, I still get pissy, but I don’t sit with it for longer than I need to. You wouldn’t sit in acid, so why sit in anger?
Research your professional value and have the courage to go after it if you are not being paid what you are worth.
I worked 17 years for the same company. I was promoted 4 times during those years and received a few extra pay increases along the way, but I was underpaid as soon as I took the first promotion and the gap increased with each additional promotion. I probably walked away from more than $100k in lifetime earnings, plus interest, by sticking with the company.
I should have changed companies at least once and probably twice. You don’t have to be on a promotion path to run into this. It could be you were underpaid on day 1, but you needed the job or you didn’t have experience. That’s fine, but once you have the experience and have proven yourself, find out what the market rate is for your role and ask for it, be ready to show your research. If you don’t get it, start applying for other jobs.
Don’t be afraid to talk to your peers about salary. If you are making less, you know there is a gap you can go after (just don’t name your coworker when you ask for more, do market research and make it impersonal/just business). If you are making more, pass this advice on to your coworker.
If you are being paid fairly for the work you are doing, but know you can do more, start looking into what it takes to make a move. For example, you might be the best fast food or retail worker the world has ever had, but the job only pays so much. What else might you be good at? You could look for training in a trade or try to find an entry level role in a company that has a wider set of tasks available that offers a growth path.
I agree with a lot of the comments here about saving and investing and keeping expenses down, but growing your earnings is typically easier than shrinking your rent. It still isn’t easy though, especially if you need to relocate to earn more.
Don’t let others control your life. If someone is only making you hurt, cut them off clean.
This especially is for blood relations! Only scared old people say that shit about obeying your elders! If your family or immediate “friends” only use or abuse, get out fast!
There’s always a place and tribe for you, don’t let assholes dictate who you are or “should be”.
It took 30 years and most of my physical health to learn that one! Injured spine, nerve damage, financial issues … All from the group I grew up around being hideously toxic.
I’ve been free of them for about 5 years now and am finally healing, both physically where I can and mentally. Financially too, just slower.
I now have loving girlfriends, an amazing and healthy daughter, and I’ve been able to start reconnecting with the people that really clicked with me but were forced away by my family and their friends for being too different from them. I barely got a year and a half with my best friend I’d list touch with before he suddenly was diagnosed with and died from pancreatic cancer.
Don’t waste your time on people who drain you with nothing to return! You and the people who improve you don’t have the time and energy to spare!
I tend to disagree on that one. Random acts of kindness/selflessness to people, even complete strangers, can bring bonus satisfaction to your life (and sometimes will be paid back). Make it a habit to give to people, when you have the chance, especially if it is low effort.
If you have people around you that just constantly leech off of you, then I agree: don’t let yourself be sucked dry.
I was more referring to your final statement. Those who take and take and never give back to use you with little regard for your own happiness or safety.
This couldn’t be more true. Don’t fucking lift that two man lift at work that you can totally do it by yourself because you’re young and strong and maybe you’ve done it a dozen times before. Just don’t fucking do it. I’m fucking begging you to learn from my mistake. One time was all it took for me to have a lifetime of problems since my 30’s. I know the exact moment I ruined my back. 30 years later I can remember how that pop felt. It didn’t even hurt bad enough at the time to need time off work. I thought I was still just fine. Ten years later, nope. And now that I’m fifty, everything hurts. It hurts to lay down in bed. It hurts when I get up in the morning. I lifted a 1gal. bottle and was bedridden for a week. My own kids had to watch me spend ten minutes crawling up a flight of stairs to my bed; they were crying and scared that the guy who was their Superman couldn’t even stand up. I promise you, it can happen and you’re rolling the dice every time you do it.
Pay yourself first. You pay rent, you pay a car payment, add paying yourself first. That payment can be as little as $1, but it goes into a savings fund AND IT IS GONE, just like any other payment EVERY MONTH. When the savings fund gets to an amount that it can be rolled into something that makes more interest, do it. But that money is GONE, for all intents and purposes. When do you use it? You will know, when you can pull it out for something that is not an emergency, but rather something that will last the rest of your life. No, cars don’t count.
Cars, trucks, etc… Here is the thing about cars and trucks. THEY ARE A COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU STAY ENSLAVED TO MAKING PAYMENTS ON EVERYTHING ELSE. But wait Canopyflyer, you say with a roll of your eyes, I HAVE to have a car, because there’s no public transit where I live. Dude, I live in the United States, no one takes public transit here, I fucking know. So thanks for dropping anchor there admiral obvious. Buy the most reliable and cheap to run car you can possibly find. That doesn’t mean an old shitbox. Buy a car that’s a couple of years old that has a reputation for reliability and has already lost that first year’s depreciation. I currently drive a 10 year old Camry LE, that I bought with 7k on the odo. Using a car to show how big your cock isn’t, is the epitome of stupidity and is disastrous to your future financial health. If you’re driving the latest SmallCockMobile with a $1k payment +… You are a complete fucking moron.
CAVEAT ON VEHICLES: If you can have someone else pay for it, then sure, go buy that ego mobile. That includes the company you work for, or if you’re in a business where you have to have a certain type of vehicle. I have a great deal of respect for a person that works with their hands and needs a truck to carry their tools.
OK, maybe that’s two bits of advice, but both are financial, so I’m sticking with it.
Try to take the time to care for your mental and emotional health when you need to, then, instead of stewing for years and years. I made the mistake of rolling with it, turned 35, and I’m lucky to still be here at 40.
Still struggling. Wish I’d spoken with someone years ago.
Yeah seconding that. Try to find a way to deal with your monsters. Forgiveness or accepting that you won’t get justice, whatever. But don’t drink poison thinking the other guy will hurt. We all need to learn to heal, the process takes s long time. The earlier you start the better.
Most people know exactly what they have to do to obtain a skill, start a business, make a friend, experience and adventure but simply don’t out of fear of the unknown.
The Internet is helpful but you got to put stock in your own lived experience.
Put money into your 401k. Learn more about personal finance than video games. Lift heavy things with proper form and put them back down again a lot. Give all people respect and kindness even if they’re being snotty. Brush your god damn teeth.