This is an article I always reference for job offer negotiations, but the principles would apply to negotiation in general. The most important concept to understand is: you can split a pot between two parties in ways that result in both of you getting more of what you want.
Yeah, but I would say it’s less important that you can find a win-win solution, and more important to get in the mindset that advocating for your own interests is not the same as being selfish.
A lot of people fail at negotiating because they don’t want to be seen as selfish, but especially when it comes to negotiating with a corporation, they’re banking off of you feeling that way. Know your worth, and make sure you’re fairly compensated.
On a related note, this is also the point of a union/collective bargaining and why companies hate them. They know that some people are better advocates for themselves than others, but they know that most people are bad at it. Divide and conquer.
I work in procurement. That means I negotiate with suppliers all day, every day. I’m the one the team calls when they need something fixed, and want something better than using a big hammer or lighting everything on fire.
The absolute best tip was courtesy of my first boss in the field:
"Always be prepared to walk away and say ‘No, thank you’. "
You won’t look weak (except to the wrong people). Instead you’ll come across as empowered, that you know what you want, have no tolerance for games, but also can be trusted. Very few people like people who always say yes, no matter what anxiety says. In order to be here, it’s important to have options and choices you can accept. Be ready to jump rails if it looks like you won’t get your first choice. That’s how good negotiators in my field do it - they have several acceptable options.
It’s still not easy to do. It requires perseverance and flexibility. Allow yourself to practice in lower-risk situations.
From The One Sentence Persuasion Course by Blair Warren: “People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions, and help them throw rocks at their enemies”
I’ve found this helpful when trying to convince anyone of anything. The book breaks it down more, of course, but is probably not worth reading Vs the various summaries you can find online.
My summary, at least what I took from it is that you must try to understand the person you are negotiating with/pursuading. Figure out what they want, or what they’re afraid of, and offer that.
Never Split the Difference might be appropriate. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion is a great read. Getting to Yes/Getting Past No may also be decent.
Understand “what kind of cards you’re sitting on”. Before that even happens, ensure that you have good cards
Concrete example: You’re looking to increase your salary. You can do it either by convincing your current workplace to increase it, or you can look for a new job.
The cards you’re sitting on: How valuable you are to the company, and how likely you are to leave if you don’t get what you want.
How to improve your hand before you get to the negotiating table: Try getting some competing offers for jobs.
If you’re the less experienced negotiator, avoid negotiating live
When negotiating salary for a new position, the recruiter likely has far more experience negotiating. They will know techniques to try to get you to commit to a lower number than is possible. To avoid this from happening, move negotiations from in-person/on the phone to email. Give yourself a lot of time to process all information.
I did contract negotiations for a while. Something that I always remember being told was “you can’t be more excited to sign than the other person”. It’ll lead to you making bad deals. If the other side doesn’t want to sign, neither do you.
My boss always said he preferred no contract over a bad contract. I once suggested that even a contract that pays out a bit is better than nothing. He countered by saying there’s an opportunity cost in fulfilling a contract. We could be too busy fulfilling poor contracts that we have no time to negotiate and accept good ones. In that case, a poor contract could be seen as less valuable than nothing. I’ve had negotiations that lasted less than 15 minutes. I give a standard quote, they’d lowball, I’d say there’s no way, they said they’d leave, I say here’s the door. Done.