It was bad enough to have to get through the world of children and especially teenagers once. I have zero desire to ever watch and accompany someone else having to go through that hell.
Oh my God I would never want to BE a kid again, it was a nightmare. But my kids say they enjoyed it ok, and weren’t as uncomfortable as I was. Maybe it skips a generation.
Met my first wife when I was in my 20s, she was a bit older, already divorced with kids. We were together for over 10 years, and one of her sons lived with us off and on during his teenage years. We enjoyed all the benefits of a childless existence - disposable income, freedom to do whatever we wanted evenings/weekends, etc, etc.
Eventually our marriage broke down. The reasons for it are entirely unrelated to us not having kids, but we were definitely not destined to be together for the rest of our lives.
About a year or so later I met an incredible woman, and I truly learned what it meant to have a soulmate. We were awesome together. She already had two young kids - 6yo and 9yo - and, a year or so later again, we had our own baby girl. We married a couple of years after that.
We now have a family that includes an amazing 21yo woman, a fabulous 18yo fella, and a beautiful 10yo daughter. My life is complete and I can’t imagine it without any of them in it.
I’m not sure you’re going to get an objective answer to this as no one has lived a life of either having kids or not having kids, hungrythirstyhorny.
I will say that, as a single male in his mid forties who has observed a good amount of life; first, the thought of not having people to rely on in you’re old age is a little worrisome; and two, not having had someone to pass my knowledge and skills down to is a little sad. However, I really enjoy the freedom and opportunities my life (and bank account) affords me.
There is always a cost to freedom. Or, as Jonis Joplin put it - freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose. Choosing to not have children is a selfish act. Whether “selfish” is a bad thing or not is subjective.
I would offer that anyone who’s going through life without children, find some altruistic outlet to participate in. You can otherwise find yourself wondering what your legacy may be or what the point of your life has been - aka a mid-life crisis.
I think that deciding not to have kids is not a selfish act. Having kids just to have a fallback when old and frail on the other hand side is very much so.
That argument makes sense. Though I see it more from choosing to prioritize yourself and own self interests over having children and sharing a life with them as selfish too. I guess we’re all selfish one way or another.
I agree, I don’t think not having kids has anything to do with being selfish.
But I guess what they meant to say is just that having kids is hard. A lot of times, people become more selfless and less focused on their own wants and needs after they become parents.
Of course, some people don’t actually become more selfless or responsible, and instead they just become bad, narcissistic parents. But the choice to have kids is associated with the choice to be a responsible adult and work for the benefit of others, at least in theory.
My initial reason for not having kids was financial. I think a lot of people have learned it may be better to have children later in life when you can properly care for them. I know many people who’ve had their first child in their late-30s and early-40s. My aunt had her first child in her fifties. That’s not something that was common before modern medicine.
I have always had the idea that I would have a kid if and when I met the right person to share parenting with. That hasn’t happened so I’ve had to put some thought into my priorities. It’s not fair to have a child just because it’s what society says you should do or just because you want someone to take care of you when you’re old. It’s so much more than that and I think people should be more mindful of the responsibilities and long term repercussions.
I offered two reasons I personally may regret not having children. I could list several others such as the pure joy of watching them grow into adults and mimic you and your partner. If you want to say that’s selfish, to bring another human into the word to experience a universe of emotion you’d otherwise never experience, I understand that perspective. No argument.
But then I offered that choosing to prioritize your own life is in and of itself a selfish act. It’s more explicitly about you than it is about another person.
Would you disagree that going out to eat by yourself is more of a selfish act than inviting a friend to eat out with you? Sharing an experience is less selfish, no?
Late 40s. I wanted kids, or at least I think I wanted kids. Might have just been society telling me I wanted kids.
Regardless, kids never happened and I’m glad. My partner and I both agree this world is messed up. And honestly, I probably shouldn’t pass my messed up genes to a new generation.
I made the choice to not have kids. I didn’t want the responsibility and I didn’t think I’d make a good parent. I’m in my late 40s now, and honestly - it’s been pretty great. It was the right choice.
I have kids, it is great knowing that I’ve successfully continued my bloodline like my ancestors before me.
While those that have not procreated will die as failures in the eyes of nature. Their bloodlines will end in 100 years it will be like they were never there to begin with.
I have one kid and it’s one of the best things so far life has dished out for me. I love him so much and he’s so much fun. I know one kid is my limit though. Enjoy!
I’m in my mid 40s now but I knew even when I was a kid that I never wanted kids. I see my friends and family now struggling with their own children and I just cannot imagine that life for me. I have no regrets not having kids, but if I ever did, I know it’s better to regret NOT having them than to regret having them.
No, absolutely not. At least, certainly none of my own, even if I were capable of it… I don’t really see the point in procreating with the world on such a catastrophic trajectory. On the other hand, if I find myself in a situation where I have a home and resources to share, and some unfortunate already-existing kids need those things, I’d certainly offer them a place. That would be just as true for non-kids though, so I dunno how much of a “parent” that’d really make me.
I’m not quite the same demographic as you, but I get it.
For me, it’s simply not possible to have kids unless I adopted. And that ain’t happening (adoption is a long, arduous, and expensive process and I’m only one person…wouldn’t want to take that alone). I suppose technically my body might physically be able to produce kids…I haven’t tried, but that’s missing the point.
People sometimes ask me if I want kids and it’s just such a silly question for someone like me. It’s like asking if I had a mega mansion, how would I decorate the 7th bathroom? What I want is irrelevant because that’s not at all in the realm of possibility.
I don’t know if I would want kids or not. But since it’s not possible, it’s not worth dwelling over.
Me and my wife has kinda agreed to not have kids. But as life goes on you kind do want it. You don’t want to be in your 50s and wish you had kids to spend time with.
So soon we are having our second. And yes, life is very different but honestly I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I’ve known since I was young that I don’t want any. This was only reinforced after I adopted a kitten last year, regretted it to the point of depression after about 2 months, and adopted him off to someone else who I trust. I realised I absolutely don’t ever want that kind of responsibility again so a human life would be infinitely worse of an idea. this is on top of terrible genetic health issues that I wouldn’t want to force onto another existence.